My brain hurts....

This Monday I had to wake up bright and early (I am not a morning person: 8:00am is bright and early to me). That is because my sophomore year in high school started.

I actually didn't mind that much at first. Summer had been getting just a little tedious with nothing much to do. The first day of school Mom mostly showed me what I was going to be doing. I smiled as I noticed Bible devotion, vocabulary, and music practice on my agenda. I have always enjoyed those subjects.

Then horror stirred in my soul as the words ALGEBRA and BIOLOGY and GEOGRAPHY leaped out at me. I'd started algebra last year. I hated every minute of it (mostly because I couldn't understand it to save my life). I have never been a fan of science (for me, I'm fine not knowing the many mechanics of a blade of grass...I just know it's a blade of grass and it's there), and last year's physics and chemistry wasn't high on my favorites list. Therefore, I didn't think biology would hold much for me either. And geography....I can't find my shoes half the time, let alone every country in the world (as my curriculum says I'm going to be able to do by the end of the year...I laughed out loud).

Well, I'm 3 days in now. Algebra has been review so far, which I've done well at except for the end of the last test (solving for the unknown with fractions and decimals...totally lost me). Biology has actually been understandable so far, although some of the definitions I have to take note of are a little complex. For example: I saw the word "metabolism."
I know what that is, I so foolishly thought. It's that thing in your body that burns up food.
The actual answer? "The sum total of all processes in an organism which convert energy and matter from outside sources and use that energy and matter to sustain the organism's life functions."
Wait, what?

Geometry is going to be somewhat of a challenge for me this year, partly because I'm not good at it, partly because my brother can point out countries with his eyes closed (and he'll shove it in your face too). Mom gave me a sheet of paper with Africa outlined on it, with all its countries outlined as well. She wanted to know which countries I knew. I pointed out Egypt.
I think I need to work on it.

So, I was sighing, thinking about how much work this was going to be.
And then I went to the local public school for my drivers ed class. 50 minutes in a small sweaty classroom with one other girl and a bajillion guys...freshman guys. You know, the ones who shouldn't need any food because they're already too full on themselves.
We watched a video for the class, kids around me whispering every few seconds, the teacher having to hush them up. The seats were the most uncomfortable thing I've ever had to sit on (my entire back was aching). The desks were all cramped together a little too closely in my opinion. And after the video was done, I had to sit for 10 whole minutes twiddling my thumbs until the bell rang and I could leave. I met Mom out at the car with my report: "Drivers ed was fun. The public school setting wasn't really."

It's not like it was a traumatizing experience. I could do public school. It's not like I have a problem with being way too shy or anything (I am extremely quiet, but that's just my personality). I could do it. I just realized after that, I preferred homeschooling a lot better. For one thing, I can sit on a comfy couch while I do my schoolwork (no back pain). My teacher can give me personal attention if I need help on something. There are almost no distractions (the biggest one we have is our dog plopping his toys in our laps trying to get us to play with him). If I need extra time on a subject in order to master it, I can get it. My teacher is guaranteed to be nice (she's my Mom, after all). When I'm done with a subject, I can just move on to the next one (not have to sit and try to count the flies in the room for 10 minutes until I'm dismissed). Because I can launch right into my school and focus completely on it until it's done, I have 3 1/2 hour school days - and I'm still getting everything done that I need to get done. I can use the bathroom when I want. I can grab whatever I want for lunch. I can pick which subjects I want to do first.

I really enjoy homeschooling.

So, I know trying to figure out 1/2 Y + 3/4 = 6 is going to be tough (I just made that up right there, so it's probably wrong). I know trying to grasp photosynthesis and mitochondria and the point of dissecting frogs is going to be hard. And I know trying to figure out where the heck the Republic of the Congo is is going to be hard. But I'm thankful I'm in an environment where it fits my personality and I can learn it better.

And prepare myself for drivers ed tomorrow.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

My youth pastor (PJ) preached the sermon for the whole church last Sunday. Its theme was about worry. PJ did an amazing job explaining how worrying was against God's plan, bad for your health (stomach ulcers, etc), and, in fact, a sin. I never thought about worry being a sin before, but the more he explained it, the more I realized he was right. Of course we should still have concerns. For example, if we're driving and suddenly the car jerks to the right while you're on a bridge, crashes through the guardrail, and you're hanging half-over the edge awaiting your doom...that's concern.

But the thing about concern is, you deal with it. You're concerned that the lawn needs to be mowed, so mow it. You're concerned about your family getting fed, so work and feed them. Worrying is useless. It doesn't get anything done. In fact, Jesus asks, "How can you add one hour to your life by worrying?" PJ added, "I know you can certainly take some away."

I sorely needed to hear that message. I take after my Dad in that I worry like crazy, which I seriously don't understand and is very confusing because I'm also an easygoing laid-back person. In all actuality, I'm very laidback around other people. If something ever happened to them, at least I'd be there to help (and I'm known for being very calm and level-headed in times of emergency). It's when I'm alone that I start panicking. Oftentimes, it's about stupid irrelevant stuff that will probably never happen, and what's worse, I'll build onto it from there so it'll be one big mess of things that will probably never happen.

It goes like this: I wonder what would happen if our house suddenly caught fire. What if I accidentally left one of the lights on downstairs and somehow the house creaked and then it made the end table shake and the lamp fell and broke. Then it would hit the couch and - oh my, what if the couch caught fire? Then it would make the carpet catch fire. Then the entire downstairs would catch fire! What if the smoke alarm broke? Even if it didn't break, what if I was just stuck? What if I couldn't get my little brother out to safety? What about my dog? HE SLEEPS DOWNSTAIRS, DOESN'T HE, WHAT IF HE CAUGHT FIRE??! Oh my poor pooch...
Oh gosh, I just thought of something...the computer is downstairs. What if the computer caught fire? What if it got destroyed? My entire iTunes library is on that computer. Nearly 1,000 songs. What would I do without them? What if my iPod was destroyed? How could I possibly live without my iPod? Or my diaries. What if all my memories were destroyed? What if it burnt completely to the ground and we lost everything?

And then I'd be praying that the house wouldn't catch fire. Because knowing me, I would not leave the house without my family and dog being safe outside, and my iPod safe in my hands (and hopefully my diaries too). (But the iPod is a definite).

Surveys show that most of the time, our worries are about things that will probably never happen. It's unhealthy. It's useless. It's wrong. God tells us to cast our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us. He wants us to let Him worry about it (of course God doesn't actually worry, but you get the point). Prayer is one of the best ways to get rid of worry.

Anything you're worried about?