Way of Shiloh

Hallelujah For American Idol

2009-03-25T21:07:00.000-07:00

Literally.

I've invested a lot of time in this year's American Idol. I believe it's the strongest season yet - and that's saying a lot, because last year was incredible. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I do make sure I don't miss one episode of American Idol. I am firmly hooked on the show.

Yes, it displays a lot of talent and fulfills dreams. You get to really get connected with the contestants. But you know what one of the best parts is? You can express your faith on the show. If you happen to be a worship leader at your church, they don't keep that quiet. If you want to thank God for a good performance, you can go ahead and do that. In fact, last year during Idol Gives Back, the contestants sang "Shout To The Lord."

This year, however, is the strongest season of American Idol for the Christians, so to speak. "The year of the worship leader", the articles call it.

Why?

Of the top 36, 7 were worship leaders. 5 of those leaders made it through to the Top 13 - and in fact, none of them were eliminated before the Top 10, which means we'll be seeing all 5 of them in the upcoming tour.

Danny Gokey is the one that almost everyone knows is a worship leader. It's his main occupation. This man of faith looks like he'll be running all the way to the finals, probably against Adam Lambert (who's not a worship leader, but dang, that kid's voice gives me goosebumps...but I won't go on and on...and on...about him right now). Never had any formal training in his life, but he still uses the gifts God gave him.

Kris Allen is another worship leader that many know. His humble aw-shucks personality (and his face that's easy on the eyes) has many girls squealing, yet he proudly shows in bold and subtle ways how happy he is to be married to his wife. His proudest moment, he says in the American Idol interview, was when he married his wife. When he blew the judges away on Grand Ole Opry night, he didn't fail to show his wedding ring off to everyone. By the way, kudos to him for accepting Simon's advice to "be more self-confident, conceited, selfish" by saying, "Thank you. I will try to be more self-confident. I don't know about conceited, but self-confident, yes."

Scott MacIntyre, while technically not a "leader", plays music for his church quite often. His story of producing his music while dealing with blindness is inspirational and perhaps the main reason he's still on the show. His vocals are not the strongest, but his story - and probably his faith - keeps him going.

Matt Giraud, as well as being a dual piano player, is also a worship leader. He's really beginning to step out as a contender. We will probably be seeing him for quite some time, along with Kris Allen and definitely Danny Gokey. These 3 Christians probably aren't leaving for quite some time.

And good ole Michael Sarver leads worship on Sundays while he works as an oil rigger during the week. It's a surprise that he's even made it this far in the competition, based on vocals and appearance. While his vocals are good, they haven't stood out perhaps as much as the others, and he doesn't have a "commercial" appearance. Yet I'm convinced it's his humble, gracious attitude that's kept him here this long. People love his personality. "Thank you, ma'am", "thank you, sir," and "I appreciate that" are regulars in his vocabulary. And when doled some hefty criticism from the judges, he responded with a calm, "Hey, I made it to the Top 10 in American Idol, the greatest show in the world." No comment from the judges is going to make him forget the big picture.

It's the year of the worship leader. It's great to see America voting these guys through. Yes, their personalities are likeable - it's amazing to see the names these guys are giving us Christians. It's refreshing. In any other show on TV, Christians would be looked down upon. On this show, however, America is voting through the Christians. They know Danny Gokey's a worship leader. They're voting him through strongly. These men are all representatives of God and America is seeing it and voting them through.

It's a good season. A very good season.

(Make sure you vote for the worship leaders, but put in a few votes for Adam Lambert too...he's phenomenal).

It's Complicated

2009-02-13T09:10:00.000-08:00

Everyone knows at least one person who doesn't have a life (especially teenagers). They go to school, come home, spend hours in front of the computer chatting with their Internet friends (since they don't have any in real life) and/or watching TV. Then they go to bed and that's how their day goes. I know several people like that.

And, as well, everyone knows someone who's got the opposite problem: too much of a life. Check their calendar and you'll notice they probably only have a couple hours of free time (don't worry, those'll be booked up by next week).

I know people like that too. In fact, right now, I pretty much am one.

I check the calendar and I've got stuff I signed up for that I don't even remember signing up for. My mental weekly planner goes something like this: "Okay, it's Sunday morning. I'll go to church, hang around for a Target team meeting, then go home, eat, come back and babysit, then I'll stay for youth group. Monday through Friday I have school. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I have work - and my hours just got upped. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have drivers ed - whoops, I've got babysitting on Wednesday and Friday too. Then I've got music lessons and a library visit a couple towns over on Tuesday, then I have to run right back to choir practice. I also have to really start preparing for the Watseka theatre auditions in March, other theatre auditions in April, and my piano recital in May. I've also got hours worth of writing to do...."

It just goes on and on and on. It's gotten to the point where 24 hours is just too short a day. After all this stuff, I just want to sit down, get writing. After all, my stories online have become very popular among the teen crowd. I've got a dozen stories left to write for them, plus two novels that I have to work on, that I would rather do more than anything right now. And throughout all this, I'm able to watch the American Idol results show on Wednesday (can't even get to the one on Tuesday), and maybe I can read a book at night if I'm not too exhausted.
(Too exhausted to read, anyway. Apparently I'm not too exhausted to fall asleep until five hours later - and then I wake up two hours after that).

I've never felt more overwhelmed in my life.

Don't get me wrong, I love doing all this stuff. I love childcare, I love doing stuff with church, I love my job, I love to write, I love to sing, and I love to perform. It's all stuff I love to do. I'd much rather be busy than have nothing to do, most of the time (nowadays I'd give anything for a day just to sit around and have nothing to do). Still...inside me, I know there's a great deal of stress that's building up from all this. I don't feel aggravated or totally whacked out, but I know that stress is in there. It's probably a big part of why I can't sleep at night, why my headaches have been getting more intense, and why my grades have been slipping (straight A's last year, straight B-minuses this year...not bad, but I can only imagine what it'll be next year).

It just blows my mind how I got this busy in the first place. I never used to have this much stuff to do. Nowadays, I've just learned to check the calendar, accept what I have, and don't think about it much. If I concentrate on something that's impossible for my mind to comprehend, I always end up bursting into tears (that's why there are saltwater stains all over my biology tests). A few nights I have thought about how I got to be this overwhelmed. I have no idea how it all started - nor do I have any idea how to lesson the load. I don't even know if I want to lesson the load. Right now, my mind's turned into a big pile of mush. I see and do - not much room to think anymore.

And everyone tells me, "You're only going to get busier once you get older."

By the time I'm twenty years old, my mother will probably update you on my funeral. "It's unfortunate...she was a beautiful, loving daughter, always doing whatever you asked of her. She was so responsible, keeping up so many duties, keeping her money in check, keeping everything in balance...it's so sad that after all this...[sniff] her head had to... [sob] explode...."

I think I want my graveyard marked with a poem: "Here lies dear Rachel / Who kept herself busy with plenty / But one day, she got carried away / And she lost her head at twenty."

Alright, I have to go - I have to take a shower, maybe get in some writing before drivers ed. After that, I have babysitting to do, so I'll be gone all day. I'll keep you updated later. :)

Learning To Accept Myself

2009-01-30T15:48:00.000-08:00

News is important. I like to read both the local newspaper and USA Today frequently to make sure I'm all caught up with what's going on. It surprises people at my work sometimes when I'm reading the newspaper during my lunch break. However, when it comes to random stuff and little tidbits on celebrity info, MSN.com is my place to be. One of my favorite articles is called "Celebrity Undressed" - which features different celebrities and their major fashion flubs. It's amusing to see what kind of stuff celebrities think they can get away with just because they're celebrities - especially certain ones that repeatedly make article after article. While browsing through the new update, Lindsay Lohan was featured - and I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't seeing things wrong. It wasn't necessarily because of what she was wearing; it was her extreme thinness that struck me. It almost didn't look real. It disgusted me, really.

Which is something I'm proud to say. About this time last year, if I would've seen that picture of her, I would have thought, "I wish I were that thin."

I don't really recall how it happened in the first place, but I know it was around my 15th birthday that I started perceiving myself as fat. I was a perfectly healthy weight, but I certainly wasn't happy with it. I didn't look as good as the stick-thin celebrity girls with the amazing bods - I didn't even look as good as most of my friends. They were beautiful and thin, and they didn't even put any effort into it. Thin = beautiful. That mindset got hammered into my head.

I have always been a very logical girl. If something hasn't been proven, I stay pretty skeptical about it. I had read hundreds of stories and books about how dieting does not work, so I knew I wasn't going to go with any organized diet. I was going to go with my own. Logically, if you severely lower your calorie intake, your body has to lose weight. Even if it's only temporarily, that's the way it works. So that's what I did. Almost immediately I cut myself down to one small meal a day. Of course I was absolutely starving at first, but my willpower was pretty strong. I wanted to be thin so I was going to be thin.

(That's another thing about me, by the way - when I'm determined to do something, I do it.)

I was absolutely thrilled when, in the first 3 days, I lost 5 lbs from my efforts. That gave me all the fuel I needed to keep up my habits. I began to keep track of my caloric intake, praising myself if it was 800 and under, and criticising myself if it were over 1,000. Foods, especially desserts, became my enemy. If I accidentally ate a "bad" food, or if somebody made me eat something, I sometimes got so upset that I would hide in the bathroom and shed a few tears. I remember my parents, especially my Dad, becoming concerned about my eating patterns. I always just claimed I wasn't hungry - which, after my body got used to my eating habits, became entirely true. My stomach shrunk, and I was happy with it. Dad would tell me I "had to eat something," to which I believed in my heart that I really didn't. Whenever both parents were gone for the day, sometimes a pretzel and a box of raisins would be my only meal for the entire day.

I lost fifteen pounds in a very short amount of time, and afterwards didn't seem to lose anymore, but I didn't gain any of it back either. I still wasn't completely satisfied with my body, but I liked it better. Exercising - sometimes to the point of exhaustion - was something I did everyday. I would smile with pride as I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my ribs showing more each week, my hip bones protruding, my shoulders bony. My face took on an angular shape and for the first time in my teenage years, I really thought I was somewhat pretty. When I smiled, there was no fat around my face. It felt great. My diary is filled with pages of those days, ecstatic when I would go 24 hours without eating and enraged when I broke down and had a cookie when I told myself I wouldn't have one.

I kept it downplayed pretty well. My parents would get concerned, but my laidback, nonchalant responses kept the matter from being serious. By the time I was 5 months in, I couldn't imagine living any other way. The thought of eating 3 meals a day disgusted me. I shuddered when I thought of my old days and how "fat" I was. I still didn't think I had an "eating disorder" or "anorexia." I was just becoming "extremely healthy." I remember clearly one of my diary pages, towards the end, sealed in ink: "I'm not anorexic...at least I don't think I'm anorexic. If I am, I don't mind."

After 8 months of living with my extreme diet, I began to read all sorts of stuff about eating disorders. One book listed 14 signs of anorexia and I displayed 10 of those signs. I refused to think about it at first. I still prayed to God about other things. Don't get me wrong, I didn't reject God during those months - I simply didn't bring up my eating habits in my prayers. I knew He knew about them. I also knew He probably wasn't happy about them. For both mission trips I've been on, 1st John 1:9 has been a required memory verse: "If you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive you your sins and purify you from all unrighteousness." The very last part is the reason I refused to confess my sin (yes, I now admit that it's a sin, even though it's still hard): I didn't want to be purified from it. I liked how my body looked and I liked how I went about doing it. If I faced God with my issue, I knew He'd want me to turn away from it, and I didn't want to turn away. Simple as that.

Finally I pushed myself to confess. I knew I had to, as much as I didn't want to. Like I suspected, He convicted me to start eating more healthfully. It was hard. It was very hard. I failed quite a few times, wanting so badly to go right back to ignoring food. When I started putting weight back on, I felt so ashamed and miserable. The new fat felt so uncomfortable and so disgusting. There was no "Hallelujah, the Lord has cleansed my soul and made me see I'm beautiful!" I hated the new fat on my body. Hated it. Yet I tried my hardest to keep eating healthfully, eating 3 meals a day because it's supposed to be the right thing to do.

Nowadays, I've come a long way. I've gotten over my habits. I eat 3 meals a day and sometimes snack in between as well. I've accepted food as good for me. Still, I am only starting to accept my body. I will be 100% honest - I liked my thinner body better. I felt healthier, I looked great, my self-esteem was higher, and I felt perkier. Having the body I always wanted energized me. Now I have to revamp my mind and tell myself that I am at a healthy weight and these curves on me are beautiful. It's not easy. I don't like taking pictures as much anymore because my face and smile aren't as beautiful as they once were. Back then, I used to look in the mirror and smile at my progress. Now I find it harder to accept that I'm 130 lbs.

It's hard, but I'm just learning to accept myself. This is what's right, isn't it? Eating disorders aren't right no matter how they feel - if I did have an eating disorder. Maybe.

Just had to get that off my chest. That's all for now.

How To Survive - And Win - A Debate Against Christianity

2008-12-22T18:44:00.000-08:00

First let me say, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. My mind's been focused on so many other things that I haven't come up with anything to write here. But now I have, which is the reason for this post. So please read on.

Have you ever been challenged about your faith? Has an atheist or an agnostic ever asked you to prove God? What did you do? Did you blush, step back, and stammer, "I-I don't know, it's just what I believe"? Or did you have a comeback for them? Unfortunately most of the people I know respond the first way. This is not a good testimony to your Christian faith. This tells people, "Christians just believe blindly" which we should not be accused of.

Online I have been in quite a few debates like that. And you know what? Someone challenges my Christianity and I answer their argument. I believe what I believe and I can back it up. You know what happens? Most of the time they don't expect this and they either don't talk to me again or they insult me and say something like, "There is no God!" but it's only because I've just insulted their intelligence. I gave good evidence supporting my Christianity and they don't have any evidence that they're prepared with to fight back. So they insult me and decide to ignore my statement. I don't care. I've made my point. I've done my job. It's not my fault they can't answer back.

Occasionally, though, I get those that continue to debate with me, answering my argument with an argument of their own, to which I will proceed to counteract their argument.

I'm telling you right now, when you become a true Christian, whether you are a teenager or a Christian parent trying to teach your kids about God, you need to know how to defend your Christianity. You need to know how to survive a debate against your Christianity and defend yourself until there is nowhere else to go - and usually for me this happens on the challenger's side. If you do not know how to defend your Christianity, you are giving Christianity a bad name. Christians should not be ignorant bashful people who have blind faith.

So how do you survive and win a debate against Christianity? Here are some steps:

#1 - Know God's Word.
By this, I do not mean "know the major stories." People are not going to challenge you on David, or Joseph, or Samson, or Abraham. You should know these stories, mind you, but they will not help in a debate. They help after the person has become a Christian and they can see the faith of God's chosen in the old days. Read the Bible thoroughly and memorize certain scriptures, or at least the general area where they are and what they say. People will likely ask you things like, "God created gay people, so why is He opposed to them?", "Where in the Bible does it mention abortion?", and "How could a loving God send good people to hell?" These are scriptural questions. You need to have scripture to back them up. For example, for the first question, Romans 1:26-27 says that God gave the people over to their "shameful lusts", that man lied with man and were "punished for their perversion." Obviously this states God did not create gay people. Homosexuality is a sin and God did not create humans to sin. Humans sinned on their own. You should know the general area of this and what it says. You should also use some common sense. The word "abortion" is not used anywhere in the Bible. However, in Psalm 139, David talks about how God had a plan for him even while he was in the womb, how he was "fearfully and wonderfully made." If God has purposes for us all and we are "fearfully and wonderfully made," He obviously is pro-life. So know the scriptures. Memorize spots where you're pretty sure people will challenge you. Common areas are homosexuality, abortion, and the justice of God (ex. "How could a loving God do...").

#2 - Know Your Logical, Historical, And Scientific Evidence.
Knowing the Bible is essential for debate - but unfortunately, you need more than just that to defend yourself. 98% of all agnostics (and 100% of atheists) believe the Word of God is just a book of holes anyway - Scriptures are essential for when they ask what God thinks about a certain subject. When they say the Bible is full of holes, guess what? You need logical evidence, historical evidence, and scientific evidence to back up that it is, in fact, the Holy Word of God and it is to be trusted. You need to know why abortion is wrong other than "God doesn't like it." You need to back up Intelligent Design. You do this by finding out the good points of your argument, and the flaws in your opponents argument. You also need to know what areas they will challenge you on your argument. For example, "A fetus is part of a woman's body, so she has a right to get rid of it." You need to know what to say to that. Use logic. Use historical evidence. Use scientific evidence. Once you back up your point, those who will continue to debate with you are logically-minded and will oppose you using science. I'm telling you this is true, so you need to know how to back yourself up with science and logic. Study it. Know why your beliefs are true and know how to counteract your opponent's argument.
Note: This is ESSENTIAL when people ask you to "prove God." They're smug, because they know you cannot scientifically prove God. However, when you come back and ask them to scientifically prove Abraham Lincoln, they'll realize there are some things that do or did exist that they cannot prove scientifically. You read in history books about Abraham Lincoln, you hear eye-witnesses through generations, etc, and you know Abraham Lincoln existed. It's the same thing with Jesus Christ, and with those who experienced the power of God.

#3 - Leave Personal Attacks Out.
As a Christian, you need to expect people to attack you personally for your beliefs. If you say you believe homosexuality is a sin, expect people to call you the nastiest of names and start cussing you out and claiming you to be hateful. To this, you respond with your Biblical, historical, scientific, and logical evidence and thinking. You do not respond with personal attacks. No insults. Never, ever, ever respond in anything similar to this: "My faith is blind? Are you atheists too stupid to listen? Evidence is all around you, morons. If you don't know what you're talking about, just shut up and don't say anything." Subconsciously, they want you to do this. They're waiting for you to slip. They're looking for you to argue on their level. If they insult you, it's usually because they do not have the resources to argue back. Make sure you stay the intelligent one. Personal attacks are one of the worst testimonies to Christianity. Avoid it.

#4 - Study Your Opponent's Argument Carefully.
Most of the ones who continue to debate with you are not dumb people. They're lost people, but they're not dumb. They're very smart people and they've studied their argument well. They know their biology, they know their history, and they know how to ask questions. They will counteract your argument with valid logical points. Listen to their argument carefully and answer accordingly. Don't answer with a point that's not in the argument, and if possible, try to answer every major point they give. If you do not know something at the time and you are debating face to face, simply say, "I don't know that level of science (or whatever), but if you give me time, I will study on it and see if I can find that your point is absolutely correct." Then study it - you will usually find something you can counteract it with. Keep it in mind for your next debate. If you do not know something and you're online, research it before you answer.

#5 - Look For A Debate.
Practice makes perfect. If you study all this stuff and you only save it for when someone someday decides to walk up to you and challenge you, guess what? You might not remember half of it when that day comes. It's good to rehearse these situations in your mind, but even better than that, once you have your evidence, purposely look for a debate. This is not the same as "looking for a fight." You're not doing this to be offensive and to cause someone to be angry. Go online and find websites with forums where people can state their opinions. If someone states their points on why abortion is a good thing for women to do, answer them with your points. If someone says, "I don't believe in God, prove God exists," answer them. This is not looking for a fight, this is defending your faith. This is standing up for your God. This is telling the world, "I am a Christian and I am not ashamed of it. I am bold, I am brave, and I am ready for anything you want to throw at me. Go ahead - I'll throw it right back." Here's a Dodgeball analogy (I love to use analogies, and you should too, they help emphasize your point and put it in terms that are easier to understand): when your opposer chucks the ball at you, you're not going to cower and duck from it, neither are you going to get hit without any way to protect yourself. Instead you will catch it and you will chuck it back at them, whether they're ready or not. More likely than not, you'll hit them unprotected.

So here are some points to help you defend your faith. I hope you will never be accused of having blind faith. In fact, your opposer may even compliment you - a few of the people I have debated with have told me I am a very intelligent young woman and that I should never stop researching and asking questions.

So are you ready for your opposition?

A question...any advice?

2008-11-18T14:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not really stuck in a bad situation. In fact, I'm rather content with the way things are right now. Works well for me. But I need some insight on this situation, just to make sure there's nothing iffy about it. Opinions are welcome.

Situation - my guy friend has recently been "bitten by the lovebug" for a girl at his school. I'm excited and happy for him - he is a very Godly gentleman who has kept himself pure, and it looks like he's picked out a very nice girl. However, I happen to be his best friend - and of course I'm a female. I'm 110% happy being his best friend - he trusts me the most with his secrets and feels comfortable talking to me about anything - including the girl he likes. I'm #1 on his MySpace list.

My question is, is this alright? He just asked this girl out, but I know he's not going to drop his friendship with me because that's all he sees me as - and vice versa. Do I need to back off for this girl? I don't flirt or anything, but how do things work when a guy has a girlfriend and a best friend who's also a girl?

Sweet 16

2008-11-01T19:10:00.001-07:00

This time in my life has been much anticipated for several years - the day I became 16 years old. (Which will officially occur on the 3rd). When I was little, I'd dream about how I'd look at age 16, and really I'd fantasize about it. The main thing was, at age 16 you were entitled to become pretty. It was just a given. When you turn 16, you're beautiful.

As I got older, the advantages that were promised for my 16th birthday excited me the most. At 16, you can drive (which I can only drive with a permit right now, but I can drive). I could also start wearing makeup, something I wished so badly I could do when I was 13, and nowadays I usually just apply some mascara and lip gloss and I'm good to go.

The biggest thing, though, was the fact that I could date at age 16. At age 11, it felt way too far away. Dating was my biggest focus. In all honesty, I was probably obsessed with it. It consumed my mind all the time. It led me to *almost* do some really stupid things, an example being where I nearly gave my first kiss away at age 12. (Today, I personally think 12 is way too young to be kissing).

I'm proud of myself right now, though. In two days, at 9:07pm, I'm going to pump my fists in the air and shriek, "Sweet 16 and never been kissed!" Because for me, it is an accomplishment. In a world where dating begins in kindergarten, kissing begins at 12, and the entire virginity is lost at 16, the fact that I am pure in every sense of the word is a big deal to me. It means I walked against the wind. I faced all the world's attacks and I won. The temptation was strong. I had the opportunity to date boys behind my parents' backs. If I really set my mind to it, I could've kissed a boy before now. But my parents said no dating until age 16, and I have not dated nor done anything else (kissing, cuddling, even holding hands) before then. I am completely pure. I am Sweet 16 and I have never been kissed and that sets me apart from most of the teenage world.

In all honesty, I'm not even sure I'm going to be kissed this year, and that's fine. It's not a meaningless thing that you just give away because you're allowed to now. I'll give it away when I know the time is right, whenever that is. I am a symbol of purity and I will be treated as such. I will not let someone steal it, nor will I give it away foolishly.

Anyhow, now that my thoughts on Sweet 16 are done, I'll give a brief overview of my Sweet 16th party, which I celebrated today. To say it was the best birthday party in my entire life is an understatement. It was absolutely incredible.

After waking up waaay late (I'm wondering if my parents let me sleep in or if they just forgot), taking a shower, and having a driving lesson with Dad, we started putting up the decorations. Because Sweet 16 is a big deal to me and it only comes around once, we went all out. We had balloons, streamers, banners, confetti, little spiral things that hang from the ceiling...the works. We completed it at the last minute - literally. Two minutes after we finished, the doorbell rang. I'd invited four of my closest friends, Beau, Katie, Porsha, and Lauren. Lauren called last minute to say she couldn't make it, but everything turned out alright.

When my friends arrived, I had my iHome playing music (mostly from all the different musicals I have on my iPod), and my friends and I had some cool conversations while we ate some of the candy we way overstocked on for Halloween. At 5:30, Mom called us in for dinner (she slaved away for almost 2 hours making the meal, because of course she's the best Mom ever... and you can't have her). She made baked pasta with cheese, fettucini, foccacia, French bread, salad...yummy. We had some nice conversations about what we wanted to do after we graduated, bad hotel experiences, and old Chinese torture methods over dinner. (Don't ask). Then Mom served the creampuffs - my favorite dessert which I only get on my birthday - and everyone sang Happy Birthday despite my protests. Still, I was so happy that I blew out the candle and forgot to make a wish. I guess I didn't need to.

Then some family friends stopped over and we talked with them for a little while. It was nice to see them. Then my friends and I all gathered in the living room to play the board game "Nightmare." You probably have never heard of this game - there's nothing like it. There is an interactive video you play with the board game. As the title of the game suggests, it's a game that's meant to scare the living pinfeathers out of you, which is what makes it so fun. You turn the lights down and the volume up, and you play the game with "the Gatekeeper," who appears randomly with a roll of thunder and plays his games with you. Your goal is to play in a certain way to not only beat your opponents, but to beat the Gatekeeper as well.

"Nightmare" was the highlight of the evening. The first time the Gatekeeper interrupted the clock and yelled, "STOP!", my friends and I all screamed, even Beau. We could not stop laughing and trembling through the rest of the game, jumping every time the Gatekeeper appeared. After the hour-long game was finished, the first thing Katie said was, "We need to take this on our next youth group retreat!" She even asked to borrow it sometime soon so her family could play it. It was incredible. We all had a blast.

After I opened presents and we took a few pictures, it was time for everyone to head home - and nobody wanted to leave. Unfortunately it was dark and time to get home, so I hugged them all goodbye and they left, still laughing about the "Nightmare" game.

So, my Sweet 16th party turned out better than I ever hoped it would. I'm not a fan of those big "invite everybody in the neighborhood" parties because my experience is, someone always gets left out and that person was usually me at those parties. So I wanted something small so we could be more intimate and personal, but still fun, and this was everything I wanted. It was amazing.

Thank You, God, for this amazing day. Thank You for letting me experience everything, and thank You for letting me stay pure this long. May I always live purely, and may I shine for You each and every day.

Hidden addiction

2008-10-08T19:28:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday was a great day. My youth group (called Refuge) had their official "kick off" ceremony (even though we'd started up a few weeks before). They decided to theme it after the Olympics. It was great. We split off into teams, created flags, and named our own countries/people (my team was named the "Peculiars"..I came up with it myself). We shot basketballs, had a "suck-the-jello-out-of-a-bottle" contest, matching up Bible verses and completing a jigsaw Bible verse puzzle, a wild variation of volleyball, and an obstacle course, to name a few "events". (My youth group always comes up with uber-crazy activities to do...but that's okay, most of the kids at my youth group are uber-crazy themselves). Afterwards we cooked hot dogs by a fire, went for hayrides, even had a ceremonial couch-burning (it was an old couch). It was an exciting day for me.

However, I'd noticed a guy friend of mine looking pretty down. He tried to hide it, but frequently he would just stare off into space and misery would cloud over his face. Seeing as he's a pretty laidback carefree guy, I only assumed one thing: something happened between he and his girlfriend.

It really made me feel upset too. Somehow his hurt transferred over to me. I asked him a couple times if he was okay and he said yes. I decided not to push it beyond that. Guys don't typically like to talk about emotions, and he's the kind where, once he decides he's not going to tell you, you'd have better luck getting an answer from a brick wall. He keeps himself very closed, which drives me nuts because I love to help people. Compassion is one of my gifts. When other people hurt, I hurt, and it stays until I know they feel better. Almost every one of my friends comes to me when they have to talk about something deep (both girls and guys alike). They know I listen well and give the best advice (which is the result of God speaking through me, not me speaking through myself...sometimes I don't even remember the advice I gave them, yet it made their entire day). They know I care and I don't listen to secrets just so I have the knowledge. If a secret needs to be kept, they know I will keep it. I have established that kind of a reputation.

However, I am still guilty of indulging in something most teen girls (and even older women) are addicted to. It's not alcohol. It's not drugs. It's not cigarettes. It's not sex.

It's gossip.

Now you may think that clashes with my statement up there, but there are actually 3 kinds of gossips: the ones who spread it, the ones who listen to it, and the ones who do both. I happen to be guilty of being the second kind of gossip, the one who doesn't spread it and doesn't tell other people's secrets, but definitely wants to know what they are.

This treads a fine line with me because I don't like to hear gossip to "be in the know," per se. I really do want to help people, and if I understand what's going on about them better, then I can help them better. If I know what's really wrong with my guy friend, then I can sympathize and talk to him about it. I can really be there for him. I can really understand him.

It's still wrong though. The book of Proverbs hammers this in several chapters. "A gossip spreads secrets." "A gossip's words are like choice morsels: they go down to a man's inmost parts." "A gossip cannot be trusted." It doesn't say, "Gossip is okay if you mean to help the other person." I have to constantly remind myself that, if the person wants me to help them, they will come to me and tell me what's going on. I do not need to be learning from another source.

Last Sunday was great...until the hayride. I was squeezed between another guy friend and a girl who's a notorious gossip. My depressed guy friend was sitting about five or six people away, staring into the distance. I could see my other guy friend and the girl next to me staring at him. I knew they would say something.

And they did. Immediately secrets I'd never heard before came pouring out. Conflicts. Set ups. Jealousy. I heard it all. At first, I thought, "Oh, how horrible. No wonder he's upset. Now i get it." But as the talk continued, this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach appeared. Suddenly I began to feel miserable. I began to feel embarrassed. I began to feel guilty. The voice in my soul urged me, "Speak up now. Speak up now." The voice was so strong. I opened my mouth...

..and then closed it again. I let them talk. I kept listening. I felt defeated, but I still didn't speak up. Finally someone else asked what they were talking about. My guy friend said, "Oh, just gossiping." My voice came out weak as I said, "Which we should probably stop." My friend and the other girl agreed, but by then, it was too late. I'd pretty much heard the entire story. I wish so bad that I would've spoken up. I remember glancing at my guy friend, the topic of the gossip, as secrets were being spilled about him. He was still looking away. Now I can only imagine how he would've felt if he'd heard everything that was said about him behind his back - and how I, his friend, did not speak up for him.

Since that moment, I have prayed for God's forgiveness and for His help to stand up next time. I know that I have no problem with spreading gossip, but I have a horrible addiction to listening to it. It's wrong. It's just as bad an addiction as alcohol or drugs - only with alcohol and drugs, you're mostly destroying yourself. With gossip, you're mostly destroying other people. You're using words that they didn't give you permission to use about them. You're taking their secrets and "confiding" in other people just to show what you know. There's a Proverb that goes, "A gossip separates close friends." That goes for both the spreader and the listener. If you do not stand up for your friend while they are being gossiped about, what kind of friend are you? You're just as much a backstabber as the spreader.

Dear Lord, may the guilt I felt on Sunday always be a reminder to not associate with gossip. I will never forget how guilty and how terrible I felt after listening to all of that, and I know that the Holy Spirit was working in me that day. Please let me stand up for my friends and put a stop to gossip before it reaches my ears. Let me not listen to anything I should not be listening to. Help me to be trustworthy. Help me to be the greatest friend I can be. Help me not to engage in gossip.

Amen.

A Letter From The Heart - 9/29/08

2008-09-27T21:25:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

I know You can read my heart and hear my prayers, but for me, right now I really need to get this prayer to You down on paper. For one thing, I really express myself with words, for another, I may need to read this letter later when I inevitably fall into the same misery.

I've always known the verse, "Delight inthe Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Obviously You know the desire of my heart: love and affection from a man. Now You know I'm not weak and needy and I don't need a boyfriend to be confident or happy and whatnot. My confidence comes from you (otherwise I ain't got any). I am who I am because of You. You are everything. You are amazing. And I don't need a boy to "complete" me because I am already completed in You. I know that.

Still, You do see the desire of my heart. I am almost 16 years old and I have never held hands, been asked out, anything. Sometimes I wonder if I'm attractive to anyone. Sometimes I wonder if I'm not pretty and that's why no one's responding to me. I won't lie (You'd know if I did anyway): I'd love to feel the warmth of a kiss. I've never gotten one. It gets so difficult sometimes because I have always wanted this, I have always had this desire for intimacy with a guy.

Of course I'm not shallow and I don't want a shallow relationship. I want a man after Your heart (darn, are those dudes attractive). A man who lives boldly and out loud for You...wow. I couldn't imagine settling for someone who's not seeking and following You.

But I do want that intimacy. Tonight was really hard. It overwhelmed me. I know You can see my heart. It hurt. Particularly because I do delight in You and I was unhappy that Your timing for my heart's desire was taking too long for me. This is seriously everything I long for on this earth, that kind of love and affection from a guy.

Then I grabbed 3 Bibles: my Teen Study one, a KJV one, and the NIV my Dad got for me. And I found Psalm 37, which has that "delight in the Lord" verse. I read the whole thing through slowly, letting it all sink in.

Alright. You got me, Lord. You got me. Again. There are 3 verses that stood out for me: "Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart...be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him."

So, God, I know You revealed stuff to me (like how it helps to read the entire chapter instead of just a verse...I know You're laughing and saying "duh"). First of all, I need to trust in You, which is something I admit I don't take seriously half the time. I mean, I trust You, but then I get antsy cuz Your timing isn't what I want it to be. That's not trust. I looked it up, the definition of "trust" is "reliance on another." I have to rely on You. I have trust issues, but that's my problem. You always keep Your promises, and I beg You to destroy these fears in me that tell me somehow You will let me down. It's not about me, God. I really, truly trust You now. It is out of my control. This is all Yours now.

Next, "do good" isn't really that difficult for me. I feel so odd saying that because everyone else seems to struggle with doing the right thing, but...I don't know. It's not real hard for me to stand up for what's right or "do good." My confidence is in You, so I can't fail.

The next verse about dwelling in the land really smacked me because as I read it, it was almost as if the words morphed to apply to my situation before it hit my brain. What I heard was, "Enjoy the safety and the comfort you are living in. You have never had to deal with a bad relationship, breakups, and no boy has even damaged the outer layer of your purity because I have protected you." That's amazing. You have given me a "safe pasture to enjoy."

And of course, the "delight in the Lord" verse I know. But the next one got me. "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him." I once had to practice a vocal song for my music teacher based pretty much on those verses, only it used "rest in the Lord" instead of "be still." But, yeah, I get it now: I must wait for Your timing (I learned that with the Headache Trial way back then, but You know me...I'm so compartmentalized, I learned to wait for Your timing for physical pain...emotional pain is another story). You know what You're doing. You know my life better than I do. I know You will keep Your promise and give me the desire of my heart, but it will be in Your time. In the meantime, I will be still before You and wait patiently.

Funny how I feel oodles better and my heart doesn't hurt anymore - the Bible has a way of solving any problem. God, thanks for writing it for me. I'd honestly be lost without it. And thanks for the different versons - they help me understand some things better.

Thanks for what You did tonight, God. Help me live out what You taught me. I love You. I seriously do.

-Rachel

Learning more about myself than I first thought

2008-09-11T09:36:00.000-07:00

There I was sitting, on the couch, a miserable expression on my face. My soul was downcast. My heart was ripping. I felt like the world was about to end. Oh, how I would throw myself off the nearest bridge if I could. The torture, the pain, the sadness. All too much for me to bear.

"Ah, the tragedy of unrequitted love," you sigh for me.

"Why, no," I would reply. "It's the tragedy of algebra."

Algebra is indeed a tragedy for me. I cannot stand the subject (nor can I stand geography and biology, so you may be hearing about those later). I don't get it, nor do I get why I need to learn it. I'm going to be a music major. True, there is math in music. For instance, you have to count beats. How difficult...for a kindergartener.
Mom tries to shoot me this phony baloney about, "You'll need it in adulthood." Then I ask her for some help on a particular concept, she stares at it for a while, then says, "I don't know" and goes to fetch the teacher's manual.
Obviously if Mom used it throughout her adult life, it would still be fresh in her brain, correct? So why do I have to learn it? "It makes you well-rounded." I want to be a musician, not a nuclear scientist, do I need to know algebra and plotting lines on graphs? "No, but it's good for you." Why do I need to do it? "To get into college."

Whoever came up with that standard should be shot.

"I think you have a little bit of a perfectionist streak in you," Mom tells me.
"I do not," I say as tears well up in my eyes because I'm not getting a concept I'd already learned.

Yes, it does frustrate me that I seem to be getting more B's than A's right now. Mom tells me I should either suck it up or figure out how to work for those A's.
But I don't wanna work for them, I want them to come naturally like they always did.
My mind flashes back to when I was 10-years-old. I wrote angrily in my diary, "Dear Diary, I HATE TODAY!! I forgot how to do my double-digit multiplication!"

Oh lordy, why did those days have to end?

Sure, I got aggravated, but I always got A's. It just came naturally. No matter what subject, I just got A's. It was guaranteed (except botany in 4th grade, in which I failed the entire subject with a resounding F). It irritates me that I can't just make A's naturally anymore. I have to work to get my A's now.

I have learned more about myself from this, although I didn't know there was anything else about me to learn. It is true I have a laidback, optimistic, easy-going personality when it comes to most things. I keep a level head in times of panic so I always remember what to do, I can take on surprise situations, I'm the most patient of my family (you ought to see how they stir while waiting for the Internet server to come up 30 seconds after they click it while I simply wait it out, because it's not a big deal, I know it'll come up eventually). I also drive my little brother (who's a little on the pessimistic side) insane with my philosophies. (Example: he wants to throw his Nintendo controller out the window, rip his bed apart, and smash his fist through the TV screen when Mario doesn't jump for the 80th time, and then he wants to rip me apart when I tell him, "It's just a game, besides you can always try again.").

For that reason, I have always denied the fact that I have a perfectionist streak in me. My insides would moan, "Nooo! It's not true!" But I have to accept the fact now that, yes, it is. When it comes to my grades and my music, I am extremely perfectionistic. (Is that a word?) And the thing is, I hate perfectionism (I don't think that's a word either). It drives me nuts when people want things absolutely perfect. My Dad is an extreme perfectionist and it drives me nuts. My little brother is also a perfectionist, and when you mix it with pessimism, that's a double whammy. It seems to me his video games are what makes him the angriest, but he still insists on playing them and I don't get it.

So why do the school subjects I'm not so good at irritate me so much? Because I hate perfectionism and when it comes to those subjects, I'm a perfectionist. I get so irritated at myself because I know it's not a big deal, it's just a math test, a B is a good grade. But I want it to be perfect! And then my other side says, But I hate perfectionists!

This conflict is going to drive me insane until I graduate college and don't have to worry about grades. It's good to finally understand why algebra and biology and geography bother me so much. I might be able to think of a counterattack now.

Which brings me to prayer....

One body, many parts

2008-09-03T09:42:00.000-07:00

Earlier today during school, I checked my agenda to see what I had next to do. I swallowed as the words "Geography Test" screamed out at me.

1 1/2 weeks into the school year, I have decided that geography is my least favorite subject so far. It just bores me. I'm never going to visit 99% of these countries, so I really don't see the point in being able to know all those teeny tiny countries I've never heard about. I know the general area of these places. You ask me where anything that ends in "stan" is, I know it's in the Middle East.

However, my younger brother (I can't say little brother anymore cuz he's now taller than I am) loves it. It's his favorite. You can ask him where anything is and he'll tell you.

Mom decided to take a little different approach for the geography test (James and I were taking the same test at the same time). She made it into a competitive game. She brought a bell down, placed it on the coffee table, and had me and James stand in the doorway several feet away. I knew I wasn't going to like this. Mom explained the rules: she would ask a question and whoever knew the answer had to ring the bell first and answer it.

Well, this is nice.

Half the stuff I'd learned flew from my mind as the questions were read off. The only couple times I did ring the bell was when James let me out of pity. I didn't enjoy the game at all and I felt frustrated beyond belief when it was finished. Why was my younger brother smarter than me? Why couldn't I grasp geography? Why did he seem like an absolute genius compared to me? And why did Mom pit him against me when she had to know how much better he was than me?

In other words, I felt miserable. I felt stupid. I felt embarrassed for feeling miserable and stupid. Why did it have to be this way?

Then God smacked me over the head. Rachel. Obviously I have not gifted you in geography. I gave you the gift of music. Quit being jealous.

Of course. While James smoked my butt in the geography test, he can retain just as much about music as I can about geography. I don't know which country is Niger, and he doesn't know how many flats are in the B flat scale. I can't remember what the sea in the Atlantic Ocean is (James keeps telling me it's Sargasso, but I keep thinking Sargento...then Mom tells me that's a cheese), and he doesn't know what Adante Moderato means.

The body of Christ has many parts. And I have to get it into my head that I can't be all the parts all at once. Not to say I shouldn't try (because I have to complete geography in order to complete 10th grade), but it's not my best subject and that's okay. God gifted me in music. So I shouldn't have been so selfish during the game. I should've been happy for James - he obviously enjoyed it.

One body. Many parts. Something I think a lot of us have to accept.

My brain hurts....

2008-08-27T10:10:00.000-07:00

This Monday I had to wake up bright and early (I am not a morning person: 8:00am is bright and early to me). That is because my sophomore year in high school started.

I actually didn't mind that much at first. Summer had been getting just a little tedious with nothing much to do. The first day of school Mom mostly showed me what I was going to be doing. I smiled as I noticed Bible devotion, vocabulary, and music practice on my agenda. I have always enjoyed those subjects.

Then horror stirred in my soul as the words ALGEBRA and BIOLOGY and GEOGRAPHY leaped out at me. I'd started algebra last year. I hated every minute of it (mostly because I couldn't understand it to save my life). I have never been a fan of science (for me, I'm fine not knowing the many mechanics of a blade of grass...I just know it's a blade of grass and it's there), and last year's physics and chemistry wasn't high on my favorites list. Therefore, I didn't think biology would hold much for me either. And geography....I can't find my shoes half the time, let alone every country in the world (as my curriculum says I'm going to be able to do by the end of the year...I laughed out loud).

Well, I'm 3 days in now. Algebra has been review so far, which I've done well at except for the end of the last test (solving for the unknown with fractions and decimals...totally lost me). Biology has actually been understandable so far, although some of the definitions I have to take note of are a little complex. For example: I saw the word "metabolism."
I know what that is, I so foolishly thought. It's that thing in your body that burns up food.
The actual answer? "The sum total of all processes in an organism which convert energy and matter from outside sources and use that energy and matter to sustain the organism's life functions."
Wait, what?

Geometry is going to be somewhat of a challenge for me this year, partly because I'm not good at it, partly because my brother can point out countries with his eyes closed (and he'll shove it in your face too). Mom gave me a sheet of paper with Africa outlined on it, with all its countries outlined as well. She wanted to know which countries I knew. I pointed out Egypt.
I think I need to work on it.

So, I was sighing, thinking about how much work this was going to be.
And then I went to the local public school for my drivers ed class. 50 minutes in a small sweaty classroom with one other girl and a bajillion guys...freshman guys. You know, the ones who shouldn't need any food because they're already too full on themselves.
We watched a video for the class, kids around me whispering every few seconds, the teacher having to hush them up. The seats were the most uncomfortable thing I've ever had to sit on (my entire back was aching). The desks were all cramped together a little too closely in my opinion. And after the video was done, I had to sit for 10 whole minutes twiddling my thumbs until the bell rang and I could leave. I met Mom out at the car with my report: "Drivers ed was fun. The public school setting wasn't really."

It's not like it was a traumatizing experience. I could do public school. It's not like I have a problem with being way too shy or anything (I am extremely quiet, but that's just my personality). I could do it. I just realized after that, I preferred homeschooling a lot better. For one thing, I can sit on a comfy couch while I do my schoolwork (no back pain). My teacher can give me personal attention if I need help on something. There are almost no distractions (the biggest one we have is our dog plopping his toys in our laps trying to get us to play with him). If I need extra time on a subject in order to master it, I can get it. My teacher is guaranteed to be nice (she's my Mom, after all). When I'm done with a subject, I can just move on to the next one (not have to sit and try to count the flies in the room for 10 minutes until I'm dismissed). Because I can launch right into my school and focus completely on it until it's done, I have 3 1/2 hour school days - and I'm still getting everything done that I need to get done. I can use the bathroom when I want. I can grab whatever I want for lunch. I can pick which subjects I want to do first.

I really enjoy homeschooling.

So, I know trying to figure out 1/2 Y + 3/4 = 6 is going to be tough (I just made that up right there, so it's probably wrong). I know trying to grasp photosynthesis and mitochondria and the point of dissecting frogs is going to be hard. And I know trying to figure out where the heck the Republic of the Congo is is going to be hard. But I'm thankful I'm in an environment where it fits my personality and I can learn it better.

And prepare myself for drivers ed tomorrow.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2008-08-04T19:51:00.000-07:00

My youth pastor (PJ) preached the sermon for the whole church last Sunday. Its theme was about worry. PJ did an amazing job explaining how worrying was against God's plan, bad for your health (stomach ulcers, etc), and, in fact, a sin. I never thought about worry being a sin before, but the more he explained it, the more I realized he was right. Of course we should still have concerns. For example, if we're driving and suddenly the car jerks to the right while you're on a bridge, crashes through the guardrail, and you're hanging half-over the edge awaiting your doom...that's concern.

But the thing about concern is, you deal with it. You're concerned that the lawn needs to be mowed, so mow it. You're concerned about your family getting fed, so work and feed them. Worrying is useless. It doesn't get anything done. In fact, Jesus asks, "How can you add one hour to your life by worrying?" PJ added, "I know you can certainly take some away."

I sorely needed to hear that message. I take after my Dad in that I worry like crazy, which I seriously don't understand and is very confusing because I'm also an easygoing laid-back person. In all actuality, I'm very laidback around other people. If something ever happened to them, at least I'd be there to help (and I'm known for being very calm and level-headed in times of emergency). It's when I'm alone that I start panicking. Oftentimes, it's about stupid irrelevant stuff that will probably never happen, and what's worse, I'll build onto it from there so it'll be one big mess of things that will probably never happen.

It goes like this: I wonder what would happen if our house suddenly caught fire. What if I accidentally left one of the lights on downstairs and somehow the house creaked and then it made the end table shake and the lamp fell and broke. Then it would hit the couch and - oh my, what if the couch caught fire? Then it would make the carpet catch fire. Then the entire downstairs would catch fire! What if the smoke alarm broke? Even if it didn't break, what if I was just stuck? What if I couldn't get my little brother out to safety? What about my dog? HE SLEEPS DOWNSTAIRS, DOESN'T HE, WHAT IF HE CAUGHT FIRE??! Oh my poor pooch...
Oh gosh, I just thought of something...the computer is downstairs. What if the computer caught fire? What if it got destroyed? My entire iTunes library is on that computer. Nearly 1,000 songs. What would I do without them? What if my iPod was destroyed? How could I possibly live without my iPod? Or my diaries. What if all my memories were destroyed? What if it burnt completely to the ground and we lost everything?

And then I'd be praying that the house wouldn't catch fire. Because knowing me, I would not leave the house without my family and dog being safe outside, and my iPod safe in my hands (and hopefully my diaries too). (But the iPod is a definite).

Surveys show that most of the time, our worries are about things that will probably never happen. It's unhealthy. It's useless. It's wrong. God tells us to cast our anxiety on Him, because He cares for us. He wants us to let Him worry about it (of course God doesn't actually worry, but you get the point). Prayer is one of the best ways to get rid of worry.

Anything you're worried about?

The Bucket List

2008-07-20T16:52:00.001-07:00

Okay, not really a "Bucket List" for me, since I really don't expect to be "kicking the bucket" anytime soon. But a lot of people encourage teens to do this too: make a list of all the things they want to do before they are 18 or graduate high school.

So I decided I'd give it a shot, take a look at all the things I really want to do. Here's what I came up with:

1) Go to prom.
As a homeschooler, this is not as easy as other kids have it, but I would absolutely die to go to prom, get all prettied up for one night. If no one will take me, I'll go with a friend. I am going to prom before I graduate high school. I'll make sure of that.

2) Buy a car.
Okay, I probably won't do this until I'm 18 or extremely close to graduating because, frankly, right now I don't need one and I don't have the money for one. But I'm gonna need one before I leave for college.

3) Learn to run a mile.
On good days, I walk 3 miles. Otherwise, I make sure to walk at least 1 or 2 each day. But running I'm not so good at. So I want to learn to be able to run a mile before I'm 18.

4) Learn guitar.
I've wanted to learn guitar for a while. I love playing piano, but I'd love to be able to play guitar too. Just another instrument. Plus, it's easier to take a guitar traveling with you than a piano.

5) Read the Bible every day.
Alright, this isn't something I can really "accomplish" since it's something I'll always be doing, but I've really been getting into the habit of doing it (usually at night since that's when I'm most awake and more apt to concentrate) and it's been really refreshing. I learn stuff I never really paid attention to before, and my Teen Study Bible has a bunch of blurbs that help a lot - sometimes with the problem I'm dealing with at the moment. It's really rewarding. I especially like reading Paul's letters. He gives great advice.

6) See Josh Groban in concert.
I love every single type of music and hundreds upon hundreds of artists. If you ask me what my favorite band is, I won't be able to to tell you. Same with female singer. But my favorite singer of all time is Josh Groben. His voice melts me like chocolate. Once he goes back on tour, I would absolutely love to see him perform in concert. Even if I have to pay $100 for it. He's the only one I can think of who'd be worth that amount of money.

7) Perform in a fair/talent show/musical.
Really get out there and show my vocal talent. Let the world hear me. If I'm able to perform in a musical, I'd love that. Sing and act at the same time.

8) Become fluent in Italian.
This is actually kinda "mandatory" since I have to take two years of foreign language starting in my junior year, and I've decided to take Italian (they just have a beautiful language...Italian songs are beautifully put together). I'm really, really excited to get started on it. Especially because, sometime in life, I would love to go to Italy. Maybe France too, but especially Italy.

Anyway, that's what I've got. I think that's enough to get me started.

Do you have one?

The Green Eyed Monster

2008-07-19T10:59:00.000-07:00

One of the things my mother told me when I was a little girl was to "not become the Green Eyed Monster." Pretty much, when you are jealous about something that someone else has, you turn into a monster. Not wanting to turn into a monster, I tried my hardest to be happy with what I had at that young age.

Lord knows the jealousy problem does not go away when you enter your teens. In fact, it increases by a lot. Particularly when you bring the opposite sex into the issue. What do all the teen magazines say you should do with an ex? Make them jealous.

So far I have been fortunately spared too much guy issues (I have had them, but not to the extent some of my friends have). However, I am going to reveal the dirty truth that, yes, I am a jealous person.

It's one of my pitfalls. Nobody can ever tell that I'm jealous, but ooh, if you saw the inside, my longings are incredible. I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to others. "Man, I wish I were as thin as her" or "Why can't my hair do that?" or "How come they get all that stuff just by asking and I have to work for mine?" I never pay attention to the fact that my body's in very good shape, I can do a lot of styles with my hair, and the stuff that I buy with my own hard-earned money comes with a certain satisfaction. I just get jealous that I'm not that thin or my hair's not that straight.

Another thing I get almost bitter about sometimes is the fact that other families do extraordinary things that they take for granted, that my family simply cannot afford. I was looking through Brio And Beyond, my favorite magazine, and noticed an offer for a mother-daughter cruise to Mexico. Looked amazing. I looked it up online, and it would be about $1,200 for the both of us. That did not include air fair. I read deeper into the magazine and read dozens of testimonials from the past mother-daughter cruise about how amazing it was and how it changed their lives and restored relationships and all this and all that.
My first thought? They should be thanking God they have enough spare money to go on a cruise.
What also surprised me was, when I was looking up ticket prices for the cruise, I noticed that the most expensive arrangements - $3,000 per person - were sold out. That annoyed me. These people can just fish $6,000 out of their purse for a cruise while we have to super-price just to get my piano tuned?

I decided not to think about it. I had to accept that my family could not just go on a cruise when we felt like it.

Nor can we do other extraordinary things other teens just take for granted, things that would be an absolute dream-come-true for me. I saw an ad on the side of my MySpace page for a music camp called Powerchord Academy. Curious, I looked it up. Everything I've dreamed about doing with my music, I could do at that camp. Play in a band with my specialty instrument (lead vocals). Learn how to write songs better. Meet professional musicians. Record a professional album. Even have it submitted to a major record company on the off-chance that they accept us. All this and tons more. My heart was flipping in my chest. I examined the cost.
$1,200 per session. And they said if you were a serious musician, they suggest you say for 4 sessions.
Who can afford this? I wonder. Obviously hundreds and hundreds of teens around the country - even from around the world - can. I didn't even bother to read the testimonials. It could disappoint me even more.

Even seeing what my friends get for birthday/Christmas gifts sets off my Jealous-ometer. I look at one of the most advanced cell phones one of my friends has. I ask, "How much did it cost?" "Dunno, got it for my birthday." "Wow, that's a cool iHome. How much was it?" "Dunno, got it for Christmas." "Is that an iPod classic? How much do those cost again?" "Dunno, my grandma got it for me for Easter."

My family just cannot afford these things. And it really irritates me sometimes.
Which is why, one day when I was reading Proverbs, two verses smacked me right in the face. One is from Proverbs 27: 20 - "Death and destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of a man." So, even if I had everything, I would still not be satisfied, because someone else would have something better that I wish I had. I will always want more. It will never cease.

The other is Proverbs 27:4 - "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"
I don't like anger. I can definitely attest that anger is cruel and fury is overwhelming. And I know people that seem to always be angry or furious. But what really hit me was the last part: "But who can stand before jealousy?" So jealousy is even worse than anger? Jealousy must be really bad then.

Those two verses have really helped me be content with what I've got. I may never be able to dig out $1,000 for a specific event. In fact, I might not be able to get out even $2o0 for one. But I rely on God to help me not to be jealous about it. Who I am in Christ is better than any worldly possession.

Are you scared now?

2008-07-13T13:59:00.000-07:00

Last night inspired this post. I will get to that in a second.

Everybody has fears about something (as much as the 4th and 5th grade boys in my Nebraska mission trip will insist they're not afraid of anything). There are many different kinds of fears you could have. An example of one would be the silly, illogical, totally irrational kind of fear. Like my fear of saunas. Don't ask me why I'm afraid of saunas, I just am. It's not really claustrophobia, even if I'm a little uncomfortable in elevators. In other tight spaces I do just fine. It just happened one day when I was about 12 or 13 and my neice and I were getting out of the pool and she suggested going into the sauna. I went with her and as soon as we closed the door, I flew into full-panic mode (and I never panic, so you can imagine what that must be like), pacing around, freaking out about the steam that wasn't even coming out yet, and finally I just had to get out. I have never stepped in a sauna since.

There is no reason for me to be afraid of saunas. However, there are other fears that are still small, but there's a reason you're afraid of them. I have 3 of those. One is needles, particularly when used for blood tests. During my "Headache Trial," I had a gazillion bad experiences with these (the curse of having small veins that roll around a lot), so I get lightheaded when I even think about it. Another is bats. This occurred when I was going down to the basement to do my laundry one day and suddenly a bat flew by inches from my face. I let out a shriek, looked at it for two full seconds to make sure what it was, then dashed upstairs. Mom and my little brother James came up to me, wondering what happened. I was so hysterical that I was laughing and crying at the same time. Mom kept asking if maybe it was a black bird, but I'm positive it was a bad (James, who'd never seen me like this, said, "If it induced this kind of a reaction, I'm pretty sure it was what she thinks it was, Mom."). I stayed away from the basement for a week (until Mom made me do my laundry again...), but I still hate bats today.

And the third just happened last night. I never even knew I had this fear. See, I don't care about bugs. My Mom and little brother are deathly afraid of spiders (the teeny pinpoint-sized ones might as well be tarantulas) and I'm the one who always has to squish them because they don't scare me. Same with bugs. However, I'd never seen one like this one before.
See, I was lying on my bed, listening to my iPod, when suddenly something small and dark fell from my window. Curious, I lifted my head to see what it was, and I saw this big ugly bronze beetle crawling on my bed. I don't think I like that, I thought, beginning to scoot away. Then it leaped into the air and began to fly. Towards me.
One blessing about me is that in situations of panic, I'm able to keep calm and levelheaded. Even when trying to run away, I'm able to think through things. My moment of panic lasted a couple seconds once it flew towards me and attempted to eat me (it might as well have been). I let out a squeak and leaped off my bed, slamming my head into the corner of the wall in my L-shaped room. At the time, I barely noticed I hit it, stumbling towards the door. Like with the bat, I checked to make sure what my attacker was, then exited my room and closed the door to keep the bug in.
After that, I stood in the hallway for a couple minutes pondering over what just happened and wondering who I should tell to kill it and Mom came up the stairs. So I asked her. Fortunately she's not afraid of big ugly bronze beetles and discovered it sizzling in my bedroom lamp. I still did not sleep in my bedroom that night.
And now my head really smarts from smacking it against the wall.

Anyhow, those are smallish fears that we have. But some are bigger. More profound. A common one with teenagers is the fear of being rejected. Left out. Laughed at. I have a fear of displeasing people. I hate it. That's why, whenever my opinion is asked, I will let out my usual safe, "Whatever you want." Even if I hate whatever it is the other person wants, I will go along with it quietly because I don't want even the remote possibility of hurting their feelings.
A couple days ago, I wanted my Mom to read something proposing a compromise between the jeans I wore (long story short, she thinks they're too tight, I think they aren't). I expected her to look at it objectively, but after reading it, she asked me a couple questions, and she looked hurt. Now, hurting anyone else's feelings is terrible. Hurting my Mom's feelings is practically the end of the world. Besides my mother, she's one of my best friends, one of the very few people I can really confide in (if I need to discuss a heart issue, she's the first one I go to). So that night I apologized about 800 times while she made a fruitless effort to try and tell me she didn't take it personally and she wasn't upset about it. I just couldn't get over the fact that I made her feel bad.
Even today I'm still haunted by past times, even years and years back, when I said something on accident that hurt someone's feelings. Whenever I think about them, a wave of guilt and remorse and shame floods over me, and I find myself beating myself up, saying, "Why would you say something like that? Why did you do that? What's with you? What kind of person are you anyway?" Of course the event is past and I apologized profusely to the people I offended, but I can't seem to get over it. The only way I can really try to move on is to not think about those times.

So, whatever your fear is, Paul told us to "cast our anxieties on [God], for He cares for you." Whether it's a little stupid irrational fear to something big that might be controlling your life, God wants you to give it to Him. You can't face them on your own, no matter how strong you are. Paul also said, "God's weakness is stronger than any man's strength." If you think you can outlast your fears, think about what God can do. Why not just give it to Him instead? I think He knows what He's doing.

It's something I have to constantly surrender. I have to realize that, if you put me in a room with 100 people, I am not going to be able to please every single person, as much as I want to. Not everybody is going to like me. I have to get over it, particularly because it used to very much hinder my evangelism. Sort of like, "If I talk about God, they might not like that, and I don't want to upset them or displease them." Now, I have become more outspoken in terms of God and sharing the Word. I don't hide that. That's who I am. If they don't like me for that, I should "rejoice, for that is how my forefathers were treated." The Bible even says I'll get a reward for that. Cool.

Of course, being my unique self, I still think over everything I'm going to say before I say it. I still take incredible care to not hurt anyone's feelings even accidentally. And I still say, "I don't care, whatever you want" when asked what restaurant I want to eat at (sometimes it irritates my family and then I'm at a loss for words, wondering what the heck I should say to make sure all of them are completely happy). That's who I am too. But otherwise, if I let it get out of control, it does dominate my life. So I have to constantly surrender it to God.

Have any fears you need to surrender?

The moment you've all been waiting for

2008-07-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

My Nebraska pics are FINALLY UP.

I fought tooth and nail with my scanner to get them all there.
(seriously. My pictures would get jammed and I'd have to play tug-of-war with the scanner to get it out again so I could send it through again).

Go ahead and take a look! http://www.myspace.com/laheelahargest
(they're on my MySpace)

The Arnold Schwartzeneggar in my life

2008-07-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

I apologize if I spelled that wrong. Please let me know. It irks me if I spell things wrong. It's sort of a curse and a blessing at the same time...in any regard, it's the reason I can spell the longest word in the dictionary (and it's not Schwartzeneggar).

Anyhow, what's Arnie most famous for saying? Besides, "I'm going to be the goveenor of Cahleeforneea." Of course, his popular line in the Terminator: "I'll be back."

Got something in your life like that? Something that might go away for a little bit, but always says "I'll be back"? Perhaps it's a small nuisance, or maybe a bigger problem. Whatever your Arnie is, I know what mine is: TMJ. In case you don't know what that stands for, it's Temporomandibular Joint Disorder. Means one or both of your jaw joints are disfigured or malformed (I'm not sure if "malformed" is a word, but I'm making it one). Some symptoms are a stiff jaw that cracks and pops when you open it and headaches around your jaw and your forehead. It's not a very uncommon diagnosis. I know several people who have it as well as me.

Of course, I didn't know that's what I had 2 years ago. In fact, I've only really known about my TMJ for about 6 months now. Back in April of 2006, when I was 13 years old, one day I got a nagging little headache. I ignored it. It came back the next day...and the next...and the next. I took naproxen for it, but it still wouldn't go away. I told Mom about it, but I didn't act like it was a big deal. I didn't think it was. After a month, the headaches got even worse. That's when I told Mom, "These headaches are starting to interfere with my life. I'm starting to not enjoy things I used to enjoy cuz I just can't concentrate with these headaches." So she scheduled a doctor's appointment.

First thing that leaves the doctor's mouth: "migraines." Because that's what all teenager's headaches are. Teenager + headache = migraine. They could have a brain tumor and they'll still be diagnosed with migraines. So the doctor sent me home with medication and told me to see him in a month. So I went home, took the medication, but all it did was turn me into a zombie (I have never felt so out of it and yet awake at the same time). I looked for other things that might be causing my headaches, like maybe food allergies or something. Found nothing.

So I went back a month later. The doctor scheduled an MRI. Thought nothing would be there. Alas, that was not to be. *sigh*. They found a few tiny abnormal spots on my brain. Immediately sensing there was actually a problem that prescription medication might not help, the doctor sent me to another doctor, who immediately told me, "You probably have migraines" and sent me home with medication.

This started a lonnnnng journey. I visited 4 doctors, took over 25 different medications, had I think 3 MRI's (I kinda lost track), 1 CT scan, an EEG (EEG is brain and EKG is heart, right? I've had both, but I forget which one's which), and more blood tests than I can count. Seeing as my biggest fear is needles particularly when used for blood tests, it was not a fun time. And all the while, my headaches raged on, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There was never a time when they weren't there. Sometimes they hurt so bad that I couldn't do anything but lay down, hold my head, and cry. Most of the time, although on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest) they were an 8 or 9 most of the time, I learned to live with them. I had to. How else was I supposed to go about life?

I kept a smile on my face (all the doctors I went to commented, "you sure have a nice smile for someone going through what you're going through"). I stayed strong. I wrote several songs during this time. I knew God would take away the headaches soon - He'd told me so about 5 months in (I wrote a song about that). I just didn't know how soon. I trusted He'd do so in His time. And He did - after a year and a half of every-minute-of-everyday headaches, he revealed to me - through the Internet, not doctors - that I had TMJ. My dentist confirmed it.

So I had to do jaw exercises and wear a nightguard at night to keep from clenching my jaw (turns out I have TMJ cuz I clench my jaw whenever I'm angry, stressed, upset, or just concentrating hard), and after about three months my headaches were completely gone. I was ecstatic. Of course, whenever I did an algebra test or something else that stressed me out, the headaches would make their appearance, but they'd disappear. It felt great. No headaches. No living in constant pain.

Now, going back to Arnie's line. "I'll be back." You got it. For the past week or so, the headaches have been there again. And my left jaw joint (the malformed one) is hurting like crazy and popping and everything. I'd laid off the jaw exercises and mouthguard, so I'm getting into them again, but I don't think I've been particularly stressed or anything. So...it's back. But it's not like I haven't been through it before. God will just give me the strength to go through it again, however long it lasts. Only this time I know what the diagnosis is, so I probably don't have to see any doctors.

Anyway. That's my Arnie. What's yours?

What Every Girl Cares About

2008-07-03T19:56:00.000-07:00

So, I recently got back from a mission trip. That's right, a trip. And what do trips mean? Lots and lots of food, particularly junk food. (With the exception of my trip to Jamaica...not only was the food big on spice and little on tastebud-pleasing, we always went to bed hungry at night).

This trip was no different. Everywhere you looked, there was food. If you didn't like the gazillion options you had, we got more. There was no ignoring it. 1st Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful, He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." (I had to memorize it for both trips, so I know it well.) Nice verse, but on this trip, the temptation to eat was incredible, and there was no way out.

So I came back from the trip 6 lbs heavier.

Let me repeat, 6 lbs heavier.

Okay, for those who aren't getting it, let me give you a translation: I came back from this trip 6 lbs heavier and I'm so fat I make cows look anorexic. In Teenage Girl World, 6 lbs is equivalent to 150 lbs.

It's a struggle most every teenage girl has, even Christians. Body image is very important, and with today's culture, being thin is everything. If a girl is at a healthy weight, she may consider herself fat. Oftentimes, we girls compare ourselves to others. Like, "Man, I wish I was that thin" or "I wish I had a smile as pretty as hers." Oftentimes, we don't look at ourselves correctly.

When I saw the "Phantom of the Opera" (one of my favorite movies, btw), I immediately told myself, "I want to be as thin as Emmy Rossum." (who plays Christine). As much as I know it's important to be healthy, not thin, I still found myself jealous of her, especially when she wore a corset and her waist got so much smaller.

One day, I actually looked myself in the mirror and understood. Now, I don't do that often. Most teen girls don't. We see a monster in the mirror. But that day, I looked...and saw I actually was as thin as Emmy Rossum. My vision of me was totally distorted.

And it gets that way a lot even today. Even if you aren't as thin as Emmy Rossum, God says He looks more on the inward appearance than the out. Mostly girls are looking to be attractive to the opposite sex when they want to be thin. But isn't God's opinion so much more important than a boy's?

Not saying you shouldn't take care of yourself. God says to be good stewards of our bodies. Which means you should be healthy, not sickenly skinny.

It's a problem I still battle today, because I am a 15-year-old girl. But I am giving it to God and keeping myself on a healthy diet.

P.S. In the 3 days I've been home, I've lost 5 of the 6 lbs. So really there was no need to panic about it. Like my Mom says, "It's only 6 lbs, Rachel."

June 30th, 2008 - Day 10

2008-07-02T09:19:00.000-07:00

6:38pm
We actually got to the church about 4:15 instead of 3:00, but right now I am home and it feels so good. I am exhausted and my head is pounding from all the travel (I don't know, maybe I clench my jaw more during travel and my TMJ makes my head really hurt), but I am so glad to be home. My iPod is in my ears right now.
I called Mom about an hour before we arrived and she was like, "RACHEL!! I missed you!" It felt great. I missed her a lot too. She should come on next year's mission trip, wherever it's going. James is going to be of age to go too (I can't believe he'll be a freshman next year...that just ain't right), so it'd be cool if all 3 of us could go. Of course we'd have the problem of boarding Coffee the Wonderdog, but still it'd be worth it.
So I got home and nearly fell asleep right away. But Mom wanted to show me my room. We just moved to Illinois from Indiana and my room had pink and white stripes and frilly white curtains. Now, don't get me wrong, I love the color pink...just not on my walls. So before I left for the trip, I painted 3 of the walls cream and one of the walls deep blue (another one of my favorite colors). Mom said she'd work on finishing everything we'd talked about while I was on my trip. So I walked in and it was amazing. She made my desk and set everything up and my comforter was redone and it looks sooooo great. I still need curtains, but I'll look for those soon.
James (who's very artistic) created some little thing on the Paint program on his computer titled, "Rachel's back from Nebraska!!" Pretty much it had little stick figures of us, with me really weary and eventually passing out from exhaustion. Haha. James is really cool. I can't wait till next year when he can come on the mission trip with me! The little brainiac would be awesome at Bible lessons.
So I'm home now, and it feels good. ;D

Pictures of the mission trip for Nebraska will be posted hopefully shortly on my MySpace (you'd have to add me as a friend to see them). I don't have a digital camera yet, I had those disposable ones, so some of the pictures are junky, but still. Anyhow, I have to scan all the pictures to get them on the computer, and right now the scanner keeps getting jammed and then won't scan at all, so I hope it works.
www.myspace.com/laheelahargest

God bless. :)

June 29th, 2008 - Day 9

2008-07-02T09:01:00.000-07:00

7:05pm
Amusement park was awesome. I rode on nearly every single ride there, including one of the highest, fastest, longest coasters in the world (the Mongo). My favorite was the Patriot, where your feet are dangling as you go through loops and stuff. Clayton had never ridden on a roller coaster before and we all went on the Patriot first. Afterwards I asked, "So how did you like your first coaster, Clayton?" He was speechless for two whole minutes. The first words that came out of his mouth were when he stepped off the coaster and exclaimed, "I can't walk!" But he fell in love with the coasters and couldn't get enough of them. Everything was really cool. Really expensive ($3.50 for a can of soda, and those were the cheap ones...other places, you could pay up to $6 for a can of soda). I didn't spend much.
Right now, though, I am in misery. My head is killing me, I'm tired beyond belief, I'm stiff and ache all over, I can't walk without my feet burning, and my rash has gotten much worse. Every time I stepped in the sun, my arms started burning. Eventually they got so unbearable and my aches hurt so bad that I could barely walk. I had to stay in the shade away from the rides the rest of the day. Fortunately Clayton went into Big Brother mode (no, Clayton's not my brother, but he sure can act like one sometimes) and made sure we stayed in the shade, let me get some ice cream to cool down, rode on the train simply to get in the shade and relax. It was nice.
I'm in a hotel now (a very nice one). My arms literally feel like they're on fire, and they hurt even worse when I touch them.
Oh, let this not be something bad.

9:27pm
I just got done eating what could quite possibly be the best meal I've ever eaten in my life. We went to a local place called "54th Street." People told us it was like Applebees, but man, it blew Applebees out of the water. First I had some really amazing wheat honey bread with some special kind of butter, it was the best bread I'd ever had. Then I had a Caesar salad in which every single leaf was crisp, green, fresh, and drenched in delicious Caesar dressing. Like the bread, it was the best salad I'd ever had. Then I had a loaded baked potato (butter, sour cream, chedder cheese, bacon bits, and chives...also the best), a little 6 oz sirloin steak (I don't eat much steak so I don't know if it's the best, but it was darned good), and a few chicken fingers (very good). I ate way much more than I could handle. When I get home, it's weight-losing time for me.

Sorry. I'm sitting by the pool right now and Garrett, Neil, and Lauren are having a cannonball contest and they splashed all over my page. And they're still splashing water over my pages. Garrett and Neil are having swim races. Garrett keeps smoking Neil's butt.
Btw, the funniest thing happened earlier. 2 days ago Neil, Garrett, Lauren, and Tanner were doing a thing where you spin around 10 times and someone shines a flashlight in your eyes and it's impossible not to fall over. So Neil spun around 5 times before he fell flat on his face, and the bridge of his glasses snapped completely in two. Neil's legally-blind, so he needs his glasses to see, so he taped the bridge back together, but it doesn't hold very well. At random times during the day, half it it will fall off so he's left with half-glasses only covering one of his eyes. It's hilarious. Anyway, Neil was carrying something into his hotel room and both his glasses halves fell off. He didn't have time to turn around and pick them up right away, so Clayton picked them up and put them on. They looked so goofy on him and he was having fun with them. I guess, though, he forgot that when a person is legally blind, their glasses are exceptionally thick, which makes it hard to see if you have 20/20 vision. So Clayton turned to walk into his room, grinning smugly and being his usual class clown, and he walked smack into the doorway. He muttered, "Oh, snot!" and Neil's glasses went flying and it was sooo hilarious. You had to be there. I still laugh when I think about it now.
Ooh, I'm incredibly sunburned and it hurts really really bad. Grr.
Anyway. During dinner tonight, I was thanking God for the food and I asked Him, "Why is this mission trip so much different than last year's? In Jamaica, we slept with roaches and fire ants, here we lived the life of luxery. Almost nothing went wrong, and it's almost like we were spoiled. I mean, we still worked hard for You, but we had it so good. Why did You send us here? What's with all the major blessings?"
And I heard it so clearly:
"To see if you would remember Me."
It's true. When we stayed in Jamaica, it was easy to focus on God. We had to. It helped us get through, plus it helped us be thankful for what we did have. Whatever could've gone wrong did go wrong, and God sent more miracles than I can count to make them right.
But here, everything's alright. Everything went right. And I realized that, for most Christians, those are the toughest times to remember God. He just kind of gets pushed away until hard times come and we call on Him agian. But the God who saves from trials is the same God who makes good days too. He's there regardless. So maybe this mission trip was easier to act nonchalant and let God slip a little. Fortunately this team did wonders. God was in it all the way.
I get home about 3:00pm tomorrow. I am seriously missing my iPod. One of the first things I will do when I get home is plug the music in my ears.
Can't wait to get home! Homesickness finally sunk in today.

June 28th, 2008 - Day 8

2008-07-02T08:46:00.000-07:00

2:39pm
Last night was awesome. No bugs, great weather, a clear sky so I could see every star...it was so wide and open that I felt like I was in a snowglobe. I was really the only one who slept on the grass instead of in a tent, except for Beau, who slept beside me. I woke up a couple times during the night cuz he snores and sighs and groans when he's sleeping, but I always went back to sleep right afterward. This morning the clouds, sunrise, everything was so beautiful. It was really refreshing. My sleeping bag and pillow got soaked with dew, though, but oh well.
We had some tearful goodbyes with the kids. Hugs and pictures galore. We ate a big pancake breakfast with them, watched a DVD about the week (our team got a copy), and our entire team got individual envelopes from Jeff and Trisha. I opened mine and it was a good pic of me doing the trivia shish-kabobs with the kids, a letter saying thank you, some post-it notes, and my go-kart license. XD
We are going to deepclean the house, then at 7:00pm we're going to a Lincoln Saltdogs baseball game (they're an independent league). From there we will travel about an hour to our hotel and spend the night.
My rash is no better. In fact, I think it's worse. It's itching and burning like crazy and nothing will help it for more than a couple minutes, not even anti-itch creme. It's so ugly. I wish I could get online or find a book to see what's going on. PJ, Deb, and Carmen all think it's sun-related, but I've never had a reaction to the sun like that, even on days that I've spent longer in the sun than I did that day, without sunscreen. I think Deb or Carmen asked if my family has a history of lupus, which my Mom has it. So I really wanna look up lupus symptoms now.
I'm very uncomfortable. I've never gotten rash like this before (the very few past times I've gotten one, it went away within hours). I don't know what it means.

11:25pm
Earlier today we deepcleaned the house. The house looks great now.
We all went to the Saltdogs game at 7:00pm. They were playing the Grand Prairie Airhogs (intimidating team name, I know). The game had thrilling moments. I witness a one-man double play, and a double steal. But the Saltdogs...well, they lost 13-2. The game was still fun though.
Then we made our way to the hotel, tired as ever. Neil, Beau, Porsha, and I were all crammed in the very back of the van and we all fell asleep. I woke up to people giggling. I looked and saw our back row was leaning against each each. Porsha was leaning against Beau, Beau against me, me against Neil, and Neil against the window. A little crowded, but otherwise we were soft, comfortable, and made decent pillows.
Now I am sitting in a hotel in Beatrice, Nebraska. Of all the places we've had to sleep on this mission trip, this hotel is the worst (it's $40 a night, what do you expect). First off, we were greeted by a huge sign on the front door saying, "Do not drink the water - has very harmful bacteria." So we have no ice and no way to brush our teeth, save with a water bottle, which is what we're doing. Then we noticed the non-smoking section smelled like smoke. We are crammed into 3 rooms (5 per room, and only 2 beds). Ves's bathroom door has a big hole in it from where someone punched it. Plus, mites have already been spotted in the beds. It's...not ideal, but I'm thankful for it. Jamaica was much worse.
So we're here. Tomorrow we're going to an amusement park in Missouri called Worlds Of Fun. Can't wait to hit the coasters!
P.S. Rash is still as bad as ever.

June 27th, 2008 - Day 7

2008-07-02T08:30:00.000-07:00

1:17pm.
I wasn't able to write yesterday. Way too busy and, during the night when I usually write, I was pouring out my heart to Deb. I had some heavy issues to deal with.
Anyway, yesterday wasn't much different than usual days. Like everyday except Monday, I made the lunches. For some reason, making sandwiches is just something I really enjoy. I'm always eager to be on the lunch team. I always work with Cameron. He enjoys making lunch too. I'm sort of considered the "leader" of the lunch crew, even over Cameron. I help make sandwiches, but mostly I give instructions, position who does what, label bags, whatnot. I usually help make the meat sandwiches, Cameron is almost always in charge of PB&J. It's funny whenever Garrett or Neil (they're brothers) volunteer to help...they never have any idea what to do ("So you mean I just...spread peanut butter on bread?")
Anyway. I don't know if I can remember everything I helped with yesterday, besides water and pool games.
Last night I had a good cry. I was actually struggling to fight back tears during group devos. Honestly, I've been hearing God speak to me about being confident in Him and I have seen His great works and have no doubt He is working through our team. Still, I felt like I wasn't really helping or making a difference in anything. Like, I couldn't teach Bible like Clayton could and I'm not good with kids like so many other people on the team are. Like, I can't start and hold a conversation with a stranger, even a kid. If they start the convo and want to say something, I can talk to them as naturally as ever. If I get to know them, it's not hard at all. But I don't really personally know any of the kids, so it's really difficult to talk to them. Whenever PJ tells us to "mingle with the kids," I'm absolutely terrible at it. So I didn't feel like I was really making an impact cuz it's just awkward. And I had other things I won't mention on my mind, so I spilled it to Deb. She's one of the very, very, very few people I trust almost completely. She knew what to say, embraced me, comforted and encouraged me. It was amazing. I feel so much better today.
Tonight is the overnighter, where a little more than half the kids are staying at camp overnight. It's gonna be wild!

10:50pm
I'm outside sitting by the campfire, writing by Neil's flashlight (mine died). It's amazing.
We had a tiki-tiki theme for our overnighter. The kids wanted to get onto an island (which PJ was the chief), so they hda to get certain face-paint stripes by different "animals" (basically by doing a bunch of obstacle courses). I worked with Cameron. Remember when he was the rare tropical bird in the skit? They assigned him to be the Cookoomongoo bird again. I had to tell the kids to sneak and be quiet so we could get a closeup picture of the bird, but he would run away all the time. The kids really got into it, and Cameron was grinning the whole time.
It was fun. I had fire-roasted hot dogs and Smores. I am going to be sleeping underneath the stars tonight. I have thoroughly doused myself with bug spray, so I should be good.
The girls really surprised me today. The boys, eh, they could care less, but earlier I was passing by the group of younger girls to go get my lunch and one suddenly piped up, "Hi, Rachel!" I was surprised she even knew my name, and was blown away when a whole chorus of other girls chimed, "Hi, Rachel!" Throughout the day, nearly all the girls talked with me and we played together and everything. It was an answer to prayer. I thought I made no difference. Obviously I did. One girl, Kristen, who I think comes from Equador or something, sat by me when we sang songs around the campfire. She kept singing, "I miss you so much, Daddy." Then her voice sounded choked and she clung onto me and said, "I want you to sleep beside me, but you can't cuz I'm in a tent and you're outside. I wanna go home." I hugged her and rubbed her back and whispered, "You'll be okay, sweetie. You'll have fun. I'll be here in the morning." Then she told me she hadn't seen her father since she was a baby and the whole country was looking for him (a criminal?). She looked up, pointed out a star, and said, "That's my sister's star. I have good memories of her. She died. So I think about my mom mostly. She's not dead yet, but she's really sick." I just kept hugging her. She was really comforted and right now she's sleeping.
So yeah.
Btw, concern. I have a rash. I got it this afternoon and I don't know how. There seems to be no logical explanation for it. It developed all over my arms within minutes. It's red, lumpy, and it itches and burns at the same time. Funny thing is, it stops at my shirtsleeves, so it's like my arms were emerged or exposed to something but my shirt protected me.
It's not poison ivy because I never set food in the forest or anywhere near it this week. It's not the sun cuz I've never had a reaction before, and I wore sunscreen anyway. It's not the sunscreen cuz I never reacted to it before. It's not the pool chlorine (I got the rash shortly after I got out of the pool) cuz I never reacted before, same with the sand and bug spray. It couldn't have been given to me by someone else because then why would it stop at my shirtsleeves? It came about so quickly. And I can't get it checked out by a doctor cuz I have no insurance.
I'm just praying it'll go away by morning.

June 25th, 2008 - Day 5

2008-07-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

5:10pm
I am sitting on the deck of the pool, relaxing in the sun, feeling great in my swimsuit. Today was really...well, it felt really busy, but it was really not anymore busy than the other days.
It was a theme day today, luau. First half of the day I made lunches (supervised by Carmen...in all honesty, she's sort of been getting slightly on my nerves...she's pretty bossy, and she talks about herself nonstop) and played Capture The Flag with the kids and Brede, Garrett, Ian, and Logan. It was fun. I was on the team with Brede and Garrett, and we lost most of the time but it was still fun. Brede is really good with kids. Once nearly every one of our members was sitting in "jail" and Brede said, "Okay everybody, let's scream for Garrett, he'll come rescue us." So we screamed, "Garrett!" "Louder!" "Garrett!!!!" "Louder!" "GARRETT!!!" It was great. The kids have nicknamed Brede "Mohawk Man."
Jeff pulled Beau and Ian up for the skit today. They were flowers. :) Deb was the wise flower keeper and Beau was her flower, well-flourished and beautiful. Carmen was the foolish flower keeper and Ian was her flower, withered and decreped. It was so funny.
Then after lunch, Clayton and I did a trivia game and made fruit shish-kabobs with the kids. It was great, but the last group (the older boys) tried my patience so much. Wouldn't listen to anything. Anyway, our tent almost blew away (it's an old broken tent, and between groups Clayton patched it up with duct tape and kabob sticks), and we had to redo a lot of trivia cards because they kept blowing into the lake. But it was still enjoyable.
Oh, and did I mention it was supposed to reach 94 degrees today? It didn't. It reached 105, and that was in the shade. It's still about 95 now. Very unbearable, but we survived. No one's passed out. We're all staying hydrated.
One of the main counselors, Tanner, ate with us for dinner. He looks like he's 18, 19 years old but he's actually 15. He asked me how old I was, I told him 15, and he honestly thought I was joking. He said, "I seriously thought you were at least 20." Funny. Tanner's a homeschooler too. He's really cool.
Btw, a touching expression earlier during lunch. Cameron was really hungry so he had two sandwiches. He ate one, then a girl came up, upset cuz she forgot her lunch (the kids have to bring their lunches). Cameron gave her his uneaten sandwich without hesitation, even though he was still hungry. It was sweet.
So...
The one thing Illinois has that I wish Nebraska had: flies that DON'T BITE!!!

11:24pm
Devotionals tonight were so cool. We did a lot of singing and a lot of praying. In fact, we had 3 different rounds of prayer. The first round, anyone who felt led could pray for specific needs this week. Then we sang a couple songs. Second round of prayer, we all got on our knees in a circle, grabbed hands, and had to pray out loud for the person to our left, that God would reveal what needed to be prayed about. Beau was to my left and I prayed about skit lines (we're performing a skit in Bible lesson tomorrow and Beau's really nervous), his homesickness, and I felt like there was something inside that he's dealing with. (It was funny, after that prayer our skit rehearsal went so much better). Then we sang a couple songs again. For the third round of prayer, we took quiet time to cry out to God and pray about ourselves, about the things we knew we were having a hard time with. It was great. God was so obviously felt tonight.
My legs look terrible from mosquito bites. The entire side of my left calf is swollen from bites. Carmen was really concerned and put cortozol all over my legs. They feel better already and the swelling's gone down some, but not much.
I was staying in the guys' room during the evening and I got cold, so I wrapped one of their sleeping bags around me and put my head down on a pillow. I began to drift away. I heard voices, then they faded out completely, and when I woke up again, Clayton told me I'd slept for an hour and a half.
It felt good. :D

June 24th, 2008 - Day 4

2008-07-01T21:49:00.000-07:00

6:52am

Well, the worst thing that could possibly happen (okay, not the worst, but it's bad) is happening. I woke up at 5:30 hearing what sounded like a fan right next to my ear. I looked around and Porsha and Lauren were both not in the room. Then I heard it thunder and realized the fan-like sound was the rain pounding on the tin roof. Lots of rain. It's still raining now, but not nearly as hard. It's expected to rain all day.

I got really nervous. In Jamaica, I didn't care if it rained, but Nebraska got flooded before. I don't want it to flood again. Our mission trip would end, and it'd be difficult to get back home.

All we can do is pray.

11:03pm

We're all fine. It didn't flood, and Camp Sonshine continued. It was really soggy and muddy, though. Still, it didn't dampen the spirits of the campers or us (we call it "Liquid Sunshine" here).

Schedule: first I helped make lunches correctly (Carmen was the culprit...being Hispanic, she doesn't read good English and apparently can't determine that mayonnaise doesn't go with PJ&J), While I was doing them, Clayton came up to me, a pretty upset look on his face. He handed me a soggy piece of paper with one giant ink blot. It was my Bible lesson. When it rained, our Bible barn leaked all over my story. So I thought, "Great. I was nervous enough with me having to teach the Bible story twice today, now my notes are completely destroyed." So I asked for my Bible, and Clayton handed me the soggy remains of my teen study Bible. So i had no notes and no Bible. I pretty much gave it to God and said, "Lord, You know I can't do this. I can't do it. It's not within my power. But I'm doing it for You, and I will trust fully that You will give me the words to say, cuz if You don't, I'll fail."

Needless to say, God gave me the words to say for both lessons. The kids were really interactive and it was cool. And it was totally God. It definitely wasn't my brilliant work.

Anyhow, then Jeff assigned me with the go-karts. Immediately I thought, "Oh Lord, not me." But I went anyway, saw this teeny worn go-kart caked with mud from practice rounds around the muddy track. The kart could hold 2, but there was no seatbelt for me and I was not given a helmet. So I got to ride with little girls around the track. It was fun, scary, thrilling, and oh-my-gosh-get-me-the-heck-off-of-this-thing-now intense, but all in all, I enjoyed it. A couple of girls couldn't reach the pedals, so I was fortunate enough to apply the gas myself, but most of the time the pedals were far enough so they couldn't press them hard, but they couldd still reach it. Then I had some taller experienced drivers who went full speed around the track. It went about 5-10 mph, but man, it felt like 60. I was clinging on for dear life, praying, "Don't let me die, please don't let me die." Then there was one girl who couldn't push the gas pedal and steer at the same time. She drove full speed at a shed and wouldn't turn or slow down. I kept screaming, "Turn left! Turn left!!" and she wouldn't. I managed to grab the steering wheel and turn back before we crashed, but it was a close call.

As for the skit, I forgot to mention, Jeff (notorious for picking random people for anything whether they want to or not) called PJ, Cameron, Brede, Garrett, and Logan into a skit. Jeff was the narrator, Em J was a bird keeper, and the young men were - you guessed it - her birds (PJ comes in later). Cam, Garrett, and Brede were rare beautiful tropical birds, dressed in vibrant scarves and whatnot (Brede even had on a dress). Logan, on the other hand, was the ugly bird - big black fro, battered clothes, and a decreped walk. It was so hilarious watching the "tropical birds" sing and coo "beautifully," while Logan merely squawked. PJ was the bad guy who kidnapped the tropical birds and Logan came to the rescue. It was great.
Then I hung out with water games again, which the Slip N Slide was used again, and we played a bunch of water balloon games. I am convinced that the younger girls (kindergarten-3rd) love Cameron, the older girls are absolutely crazy over Garrett. They adore him, laugh at all his cheesy jokes, always pick him to break a water balloon on, evrything. He's a chick magnet. Ian and Neil don't have half the popularity Garrett does. I think it's cuz Garrett is sweeter than chocolate around them and still has fun at the same time. He's a dazzler.
It was great today.
Btw, I've been snacking way too much and gained about 2 or 3 lbs. I feel fat. I have flab I didn't have when I came. I am disgusted and will work this off when I get home.
The one item I am needing and craving and just about dying without: my iPod. (we were not allowed to bring iPods or cell phones, as they would take us away from the team)

June 23rd, 2008 - Day 3

2008-07-01T21:23:00.001-07:00

6:48am
Gotta make this kinda quick. Have to leave us 7:00.
I was doing God And I time this morning and my devotional talked a lot about confidence. That subject always makes me feel strange. Personally I know my confidence isn't top-notch, but everyone else thinks that it is. Like I could be the next Billy Graham or something. Really, I can get quite insecure. I always try to appear confident and usually that'll help me, but inside I get really nervous.
Maybe they see me as a leader because the Lord is my strength and not myself?

10:39pm
I will try not to fall asleep writing this.
The busiest day ever.
Okay, I'll run through our schedule: I got up, showered, and got ready from 5:50am-7:00am (yes, I take forever in the shower..actually my after-shower activities take up most of my time, but I usually need a good 30 minutes in there), after only 3 1/2 hours of sleep. We actually arrived 8 minutes late, although to be honest, none of us teen girls were at fault. We had a really quick group devo, then ran through a couple other things with Jeff, then spread out to do everything he assigned us (setting things up, cleaning things, preparing to welcome kids, etc), which we did much faster than he expected, so he changed our time to arrive there from 7:00 to 7:30.
I volunteered for an improvision skit (I'm pretty good at improvising). We pretty much were playing out the rules of camp in a humerous. Me, Em J, and Ryan (Em J and Ryan are main-group counselors.,.Ryan has 4-5th grade guys, Em J has 4-5th grade girls) all played as tourists coming onto a tropical island. We couldn't agree on our accents (mine was French, Ryan's was British, and Em J kept changing hers). Jeff (the improvise whiz) was some freaky short island native (he taped shoes to his knees and stuck his arms in his shirt so only his hands stuck out to look really short). It was so amazing. Us "tourists" were disobeying all the island rules (subtly, the same 4 rules of camp: no put-downs/insulting, no whining or complaining, listen when a counselor is talking, and no fighting). In the process, Ryan got attacked by a face-eating plant, Em J got attacked by a rare, sensitive, ugly monkey, and I got poked by a spear from an island native. I improvised lines perfectly, but I could not stop laughing while I was acting. Jeff told me they did that to new volunteers, try to crack them up on stage, and needless to say they had no problem with me.
Jeff is the craziest, most hyper guy I've ever met, and the kids adore him. They call him the "Crazy Man." Then during songs, after I came out from taking off all my improv stuff, I was surprised to find Garrett on stage, looking extremely sheepish. Turns out Jeff picked him to help lead an everyday-crazy dance song called the "5 Cacti" - something Garrett specifically asked not to do. Jeff's a fun guy (and Garrett did great...he's awesome with kids no matter what he's doing).
So, there are about 40 kids, and they all split off into different groups doing different activities at different times on different days. It is extremely difficult to explain, so I will simply say what I helped with.
I went to a field where the kids and counselors (including us) were playing "Jedi," a game like "Freeze Tag" with a Star Wars twist. Once, we split guys gainst girls, and because I was the only girl leader around, the girls got to pick 2 guy counselors to be on their team. The girls picked Tanner (another main counselor), then swooned at they wanted the "funny one", which turned out to be Cameron. I think all the girls are secretly in love with him now.
Then I went with Deb, Lauren, and Neil to work with crafts, something I'm not good at, but was glad to be of assistence anyway. The kids loved their crafts (making a foam fish picture frame, and painting a tiny wooden "treasure chest"), and Neil even started a movement. Some boys were groaning about pink being a "girl color" and Neil asked, "What exactly is a girl color? They're all colors. Girls just prefer some over boys." There were boys popping up left and right saying, "That's right! Colors are the same for boys and girls!" Neil turned to me and grinned smugly.
Then we had lunch, which was totally screwed up. Originally Cameron, Logan, and Lauren were sent in to make lunches for counselors (we had a list of sandwiches we wanted for the week). They did great, making them all perfectly. Then someone came in and redid them all and gave us those lunches today and stored all Lauren, Logan, and Cam's hard word away, save one. When I picked up lunch, there were two bags with my name on it, so I took both. The sandwich Lauren made was perfect, but I looked at my other sandwich that the other person did. Peanut butter, jelly, and mayonnaise. Now, I'm sorry, but how could you possibly mistake putting mayonnaise on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? That is the grossest thing since sauerkraut. There was nothing even close to saying I wanted mayonnaise on anything. I hate mayonnaise, and to think I almost sunk my teeth into it mixed with PB&J is sick. Half the kids on the team got theirs screwed up too.
Neil didn't mind. He picked at everything. He's even pickier than my little brother, which is saying a lot. I don't understand why he hasn't withered away to nothing yet.
Then I did water games the rest of the afternoon. That was astounding. Garrett, Ian, and Neil got out a Slip N Slide, then a bunch of cheap Wal-Mart waterguns, and let me tell you, girls and boys alike went crazy. They loved it. We all became popular really fast, especially with how much we played with them. One kid named Nolan insisted on having a watergun war with me and wouldn't stop pelting me with water until I complied, and we kicked each other's butts.
The personalities of Garrett, Ian, and Neil are all so different, yet perfect together. Garrett will play with you just as hard as you are, but he's nice, fair, and always asks if a child might be hurt. Ian is a rascal. He'll hold the kid's watergun and squirt them to high heaven, splash water...pretty much, he'll play, but he ain't gonna let a kid beat him. Neil mostly squirted me, actually, but when kids pelted him with water, he had a nonchalant "bring it on" attitude.
So they mixed perfectly, even whe one of them kind of clashed the wrong way with one girl. Garrett was filling up a small pool with a hose and Ian was by the Slip N Slide, and one of the dramatic girls marched up to him. Ian threw water at her and she ran nearly crying to Garrett. In turn, Garrett turned the hose full blast on Ian and the girl felt better immediately.
So, a deeper look at 3 of our young men.
Then it ended at 4 (it's a day camp), we cleaned up, went "home", played volleyball, swam, played Speed and Old Man and Uchre. I have a gazillion bug bites, even with mosquito spray, and a few of our members have been spotted with ticks.
But yeah. Already it's crazy. Last year (and typically) Wednesday or Thursday is the day everyone is biting each other's heads off from being tired. It's Monday and, while we're all still nice, we're just as tired.
So I'm going to bed. Goodnight until tomorrow.
Quote of the day: I was explaining a story that one of the camp kids, Ramsey, tried to pull on me: "Ramsey told me that on his first birthday, which he could remember clearly, his parents threw a tropical-themed party for him. They gave him these things so he could walk on the ceiling and he remembered thinking, 'Wow, all the people look so small from here.' Then he fell and hit the piano, but didn't get a scratch."
Lauren (earnestly): "So was he making it up?"

June 22nd, 2008 - Day 2

2008-07-01T21:16:00.000-07:00

11:30pm
Today was nice. Energizing and relaxing at the same time. First we went to church. I thought, you know, it's Nebraska, it's gonna be a little church. Boy, I couldn't have been more wrong. It was so big it had directories hanging from the ceiling like what you'd find at a mall. We got lost trying to find the sanctuary, then when we found it, we realized that our entire church could fit in just the sanctuary -- and we have a fairly good-sized church (about 600 members). But the church we went to in Lincoln (I think it was Berean or something) had about 2,700, more than 4 times our church's size. We all were taken aback. Garrett exclaimed, "PJ, I thought you said there was nothing in Nebraska!" PJ, mesmerized by the dozens and dozens of hand-painted pictures in one of the hallways, merely said, "Well, it appears I was wrong." It was really cool. The service was amazing.
We learned basically the camp schedule after that. Sounds like a work of work and a lot of fun at the same time. You'll learn our schedule during the following days. It's kind of long and confusing to put on paper right now, and I'm getting up about 6:00 in the morning anyway to get ready. So I have to go to bed now, actually, but I want to write a song. I've got the chorus down.
So I got to swim, then play volleyball for 2 hours until it got dark. I absolutely suck at volleyball (the only thing I'm remotely decent about doing is serving, but I have pianist's wrists, so they're a little more fragile and are incredibly bruised and swollen right now), but it was fun anyway.
Can't waitu ntil tomorrow!
Quote of the day: Clayton can't swim, so he requested that he not be involved in pool games for camp. Garrett says, "Clayton, if you drown in 3 feet of water, you were never meant to be alive."
Btw, Lauren, Porsha, and I are bonding great.

June 21st, 2008 - Day 1

2008-07-01T21:03:00.000-07:00

1:17pm
We are close to halfway to our destination in Nebraska. Riding in a 15-passenger van has a way of bonding you as a team, perhaps a little too much. You know you've been in the van too long when Cameron suddenly calls out, "Can you play with a mermaid? Yes, no, or sometimes?" (He was playing that little electronic 20 Questions game).
Earlier in the morning, the entire team except PJ, Ves, and me conked out. Neil, who's sitting next to me (spoooooky) woke up when Ves brought out the Chex mix and hasn't been able to find a comfortable sleeping position since. I'll probably attempt to nap later.
Already we've had a couple adventures. First of all, at a rest area, a bunch of the guys sprawled out in the grass next to a "Keep On Sidewalk" sign. Then when we had lunch at Culver's, Neil and Clayton stopped up the salt and pepper shakers by sticking napkins in them (Beau was kind-hearted enough to undo their work). Then we attempted to look for a Wal-Mart. First of all, the GPS led us down some weird roads. Then Cameron insisted we passed Wal-Mart, we went back, discovered it was actually Lowe's, and it took forever to get back on the road. Then when we got to our "destination," we discovered Ves punched "McDonalds" into the GPS instead of Wal-Mart, which was nowhere around. Everyone was laughing.
So yeah. Haha.

6:26pm
Almost an hour away now. Something pretty interesting: Garrett can solve a Rubik's Cube in 3 minutes and 40 seconds. Rumors are his record is 1:45.
We're gonna eat at an Italian buffet called Valentino's soon, so...yeah.

11:26pm
We arrived about 9:00pm, and let me tell you, it is nothing like Jamaica. In Jamaica, we lived in a dorm so bad that the roaches practically had to wear slippers, but man, you ought to see what us girls are living in now. Outside it looks like a huge barn, but inside it's so huge and clean and log-cabin-smelling. It doesn't even feel right, like we're being too blessed right off the starting gate. Plus, it's such a big house for 5 girls. The 10 guys have to sleep in a nice-sized-but-considerably-tight-for-a-group-of-10 room in the basement of the camp director's parent's house. It's nice, really nice ("like the Hilton compared to last year in Jamaica," PJ says), but a little small. Us girls all have beds to sleep in (plus a jacuzzi!), guys have the floor. We were told that us girls got the huge house instead of the guys because the lady who owned it (a friend of the camp director's, who's on vacation) thought us girls might be a little neater than the guys and didn't want her house all messed up. Haha.
So we're here, and it's awesome. The camp's a little smaller than I expected, but I know God's gonna work through us.
Potential prayer request: Neil was feeling bad earlier during dinner, had to use the bathroom for a while. At first I thought he felt really tired or nauseated and maybe had to throw up, but Ves said that he was on the verge of tears. So I don't know what's going on, he didn't talk and he seems fine now, so maybe it was a strong bout of homesickness, but hopefully he's okay.
So we met the camp director, Jeff, and his wife Trisha (who's 8 months pregnant), and their 2-year-old son Rylan. They pretty much explained what we were doing at camp. We'll get a tour tomorrow. We also met Nana and Papa, Jeff's parents, which is right next door to the camp. Us girls are staying 2 or 3 miles down the road.
So here we are.

Mission Trip 2008 - Nebraska

2008-07-01T20:55:00.000-07:00

June 21st-30th - Lincoln, Nebraska (Camp Sonshine)
Trinity Youth Mission Team (grades 9th-12th)

Team: 11 students, 4 adults.
Adults:
PJ (youth pastor)
Carmen
Deb
Veselin

Students:
Porsha (freshman)
Rachel (sophomore...me)
Beau (sophomore)
Ian (sophomore)
Neil (sophomore)
Brede (sophomore)
Logan (sophomore)
Clayton (junior)
Garrett (junior)
Lauren (junior)
Cameron (graduation senior/college freshman)

Post Trip - Day 4 - June 22nd, 2007

2008-07-01T20:44:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 14:1-3.
The disciples are getting nervous. Many people are formulating their plans to kill Jesus. Even Jesus has been mentioning that His time with them is running out. Jesus seems to sense their uneasiness and He shares words to calm their racing hearts. "Don't be troubled..." "Trust in Me..." and then He starts talking about room assignments? What is that all about? Just like He reminded the 72 of who they were, now He's reminding His disciples of where they belong: heaven. This world is real, but it's temporary. Heaven can seem so far away, like it's just a mystical place we read about in fairy tale. But the truth is that our time there is going to be much longer than our time here on earth. You may think you've returned "home" from your mission trip, but the truth is that this really isn't your home. Heaven is.

Read Philippians 3:30. Paul mentions a few times in his writings that we are citizens of heaven. Why? What does that mean to you?
Heaven is really our home. It is where we will live forever one day. Just like you have to pay a certain price when you live in another area to become a citizen of the U.S., Jesus paid the price and those who are saved are citizens of heaven.

How would your life look different if you started to realy live like this world is temporary and that heaven is your real home?
I would put off waiting for certain things, like sharing the gospel.

What are some specific things you can do to start making that happen?
LUAAT - Live Unashamed At All Times!

Spend some time praying for the believers in the location you visited on your mission trip. Ask God to strengthen and encourae them and to give them boldness for Him.

I am really starting to miss my mission tripper friends. I guess it was too quick a transition. I lived with them daily for 10 whole days anod now suddenly it's just me and my family. I know I'll see them most every Sunday, but...I still miss them. right now...I really kinda want to go back to Jamaica.

TRIP UPDATES
What was the best part about today? Chatting with friends online.
What was the hardest? Dad's busyness and stress.
What have you learned about yourself in ministry? I can be outspoken.
What was the greatest thing you saw God do on your mission trip? He said yes to nearly every prayer we had!! I guess they were all glorifying to Him.

Post Trip - Day 3 - June 21st, 2007

2008-07-01T20:37:00.001-07:00

Read and think about John 15:1-17.
Jesus doesn't have much time left with His disciples. They're having their last meal together and Jesus is sharing some important last bits of truth with His friends. So why does He seem to go off into a mini-gardening lesson? Because the relationship of a branch to a vine is a great illustration of how Jesus wants His disciples to stay connected to Him even after He is gone. Some people treated Jesus like a fuel pump: they can connect up with Him just long enough to fill up, and then they're off again. That's not the way Jesus wants it to be. He wants us to be continually connected to Him, constantly drawing all that we need from Him to live, love, grow, and bear fruit. You probably feel pretty fueled up after your mission trip, but you can only live off of that steam for so long. Continuing to stay connected daily with Jesus is totally necessary for you to keep living to Him and reaching people right where you are!

What is your plan to "stay connected" now that you're home?
Spend time in His word and in prayer. Never be ashamed to talk about Jesus.

Is there someone you can share your plan with who can hold you accountable to it?
No, not really.

Spend some time thinking about verse 5 and write down any insights God gives into how that verse applies to your life.
Isn't that truth. Without God, nothing would be possible. Who'da thunk that a church from a tiny town in Illinois could raise over $41,000 in 3 months? It could never have been possible without God. And we served Him on that whole trip, and GOd did produce quite a bit of fruit. I love how God has used us for His glory. He handpicked 29 of us from Illinois, plus 17 from Georgia and 5 from New York to spread His word in Jamaica. Out of the billions of people in the world, He picked us to serve in that area of Jamaica at that time. That still amazes me.
I've been so tired. My body clock is all out of whack. I don't even get sleepy till 11:30pm, then I wake up at 7:00am and just drag through the day. I'm so glad to be home but...in a way I still wish I were in Jamaica. It's weird.

TRIP UPDATE
What was the best part about today? Actually relaxing.
What was the hardest? Don't know.
What was the funniest thing that happened on your trip? There are so many funny memories that I can't decide.
What was teh biggest thing you learned about yourself on your mission trip? I learned how compassionate and encouraging I really am.

Post Trip - Day 2 - June 20th, 2007

2008-07-01T20:30:00.000-07:00

Read and think about Matthew 19:16-22.
He was seeking the truth. We'll give him that. He wanted to know how to get this eternal life he kept hearing about. He was rich and had many possessions, but he wasn't sure if eternal life was among them. He wanted it, so he went straight to the source to get a straight answer. It wasn't the answer he'd hoped for. Give it all up? It sounded impossible. He was at a crossroads: would he cling to all of the treasure he had stock-piled in this life, or trade it all in for treasure in the next? You may be at a crossroads as well. For you it's not a question of gaining eternal life, but it is a question of living with eternal perspective. You've spent the last couple weeks focused on things of eternal value, and now you're back in the "real world" and you have a choice to make: are you going to cling to the things of this world, or are you going to cling to Christ and His purposes?

Jesus called this man to give up what he placed the most value on, in order to know Him. Is there something in your life that you're placing too much value on, and it's getting in the way of your relationship with Christ?
No...I don't think there's anything so far.

Surrender that thing to God. As Him to help you live a life totally devoted to Him and His purposes.

Spend some time today praying for the people you ministered to during your trip.

Home feels so great. My bed is so warm and soft, the food is wonderful, and everything's just so clean. I'm so very thankful for all I have now. I never realized how many luxeries I actually had at home!
But yet...there are some aspects I do miss about the mission trip. I miss waking up and eating a big breakfast with my friends. I miss Pastor Harold's devotionals. I miss the tropical setting. I even miss the teams from Georgia and New York. Sometimes I just want to walk outside and hang out with my friends and some of the New Yorkers and Georgians.
But still, I love life back here at home. There is no humidity! Haha.

TRIP UPDATE
What was the best part about today? Getting my photos developed and looking at them!
What was the hardest? I miss some of the life in Jamaica...
What do you miss most from the place you were on your mission trip? I just mentioned it up there. ;)
What was the biggest thing you learned about God on your mission trip? TRUST HIM!!

Post Trip - Day 1 - June 19th, 2007

2008-07-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

Read and think about Luke 10:17-20.
Jesus sent out 72 of His followers to minister in surrounding towns and cities, and now they've returned, excited about the amazing things they have seen and done. Jesus' response to His returning mission team is good for you to think about today as you're fresh off the mission field. Jesus turns their attention away from what they've done, and reminds them of who they are. What you do changes. Your mission trip is over and you're back at home, but that doesn't change who you are. You are a child of God, set apart for God's purposes, an ambassador for Christ, appointed to bear fruit and share the Good News! Keep on being who you are, even though the trip is finished!

What have you learned about yourself and who God has made you to be during the last couple weeks?
I have most definitely become more outspoken on this trip. I've also learned how much of an impact my opinions have when they are heard. I mostly keep them to myself. I've also learned that I have a true heart of compassion and encouragement.

How can you continue to live like that now that you are home?
I will not be silent when it comes to matters about Jesus. Now that I know I can speak, I will.

Spend some time praying and thanking God that you are His child!

Last night was pretty great after the storm. I know now that I don't prefer to ride in airplanes unless it's night. I got on that plane and it was dark and it was quiet and I could see all the city lights below me. They were so beautiful! Then I pulled out the little table/tray thing in front of me, put my pillow down on it, laid my head down, and thought, "Well this is kind of comfortable. It's nice and quiet and dark and..." Next thing I knew, I was out for the next 2 1/2 hours. I was in such a deep sleep that I had no clue where I was when I woke up. It took me a little bit to figure out I was on an airplane.
So, we got home about 3:00am. Gosh, you don't know how great it felt to be back home. I walked through the door, smelled the Homemade-Apple-Pie-scented candle, and could've died from how good I felt. I pretty much collapsed on my bed and fell asleep.
Today I told my fam all about my trip. Tomorrow I'll pick up all 70 of my pics (yes, i took a lot on that trip!). Now I'm going to bed.

TRIP UPDATE
What was the best part about today? Explaining my trip!
What was the hardest? Dad had to get back to work, so he was kinda grouchy.
What do you miss most about your teammates? I miss just seeing them in the morning, all still sleepy! And just all the great times with them.
What short yet informative answer can you give to the question, "How was your trip?" (it is good to be prepared for this!) "Do you have a few minutes?"

On Trip - Day 10 - June 18th, 2007

2008-07-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 2:12-16 and Mark 11:15-17.
Here we see two similar passages (some say it's teh same event, some say Jesus threw tables around in the temple a couple of times). These aren't passages discouraging us from selling brownies in the church foyer. They're giving us a glimpse at Jesus' heart for all nations, and His heart for the poor. You see, the temple court was the only area where the Gentiles (non-Jewish people) were able to enter and worship the Lord. Now that it had become the temple Wal-Mart, the Gentiles no longer had a place to worship. The temple is to be a "house of prayer for ALL nations." And then there's what's being done to the poor. In John it mentions that Jesus paid special attention to those selling doves, which were the sacrifice of the poor. It was Passover time, and everyone was coming to the temple to offer sacrifices for their sins. The well-off offered up sheep and cows, but the doves were reserved as a sacrifice for the poor. So you see Jesus specifically turning his anger to those selling doves in the temple court. Usually a dove could be bought for mere pennies outside the temple, and now inside the temple courts the price had sky-rocketed, potentially cutting off the poor from being able to offer up their sacrifices to the Lord. We don't see Jesus angry much, but when the poor are being oppressed, when someone is being cut off from the opportunity to worship, He takes action.

How has your time in another culture changed your view of the world? Your view of the poor?
I've seen what they really live like. I mean, I knew they didn't have much, but now that I've personally seen it, it really means more to me. A lot of them keep smiles on their faces and thank the Lord for what they do have. It's going to be really weird to go back to the States and not see all the poverty I've seen here.

What is something God is calling you to do this week on behalf of the poor?
God has just called me to reach them and not be afraid to share the hope of Jesus.

Spend some tiem praying and asking God to give you a greater heart for reaching the nations, and helping the poor.

Currently it's 7:30pm. We are stuck at the Miami airport because it's storming. We were supposed to leave 30 minutes ago. So I might as well tell of my day so far. When our team woke up, the New Yorkers were already gone at the airport. We ate breakfast with the Georgians, then they left. We had an hour before we left.
God certainly does have a sense of humor. I'd lost my sandals and I'd looked EVERYWHERE for them but couldn't find them. Finally I said, "Lord, I can't find my sandals. You can guide a heart that's lost, so surely You must know where my sandals are." Right then a voice spoke to me inside: "Look behind you." So I looked behind me and there were my sandals. I just laughed.
We got to the Montego Bay airport and made it through with no problems at all (Ian, Jed, Amy, and Anna, the 4 without passports, all made it through as well). The flight came into Miami late because of storms. And here we are now. It's still storming pretty good. I'll update when it gets better.
8:00pm - Update. Our flight has been delayed again for 9:00pm.
8:30pm - Another update! Our group decided to pray for the weather. Then we sang a bunch of praise songs. Now we are aboard the plane and it's 8:30. GOD IS SO GOOD!!

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Originally it was hot and sunny, but it's storming now, which would explain why our flight's been delayed.
What are you most excited about doing when you get home? Getting pictures developed and telling my family all about the trip.
What was the best part about today? When I get home
What was the hardest? So far, it's our stinkin' flight getting delayed!
Did anyone say anything "quote-worthy"? Clayton, Brianna, and I were poking fun at each other.
Clayton: "Brianna, what are you eating?"
Brianna: "A fruit popsicle."
Clayton: "Haha! You're fruity! Only fruity people eat that."
Brianna: "Only fruity people would think that."
Clayton: "But you're still fruity."
Me: "Brianna, just call him a piece of junk. At least fruit's good for you."

On Trip - Day 9 - June 17th, 2007

2008-07-01T19:59:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 8:1-11.
She'd been caught in the act: in bed with a man that wasn't her husband. Adultery, punishable by death. She is brought to stand before Jesus. The Pharisees expect condemnation, but what they see instead are scribbles in the sand and some lavish grace. If anyone has the right to condemn the adulterous woman, it's the Holy Son of God. But He doesn't. He saves her from the hands of hypocrites, and points her to the gracious hands of God. He doesn't ignore her sin (He doesn't ignore the the sins of the Pharisees either!), He asks her to leave it behind. That's the hope found in the grace of Jesus: that we can leave behind the sin that condemns us, and know the love of the one who made us.

Spend some ways thinking of how demonstrated His frace in your life and praising Him for it.

What are some ways God is calling you to show some lavish grace this week?
There have been some people that I have really been annoyed at this week, a few Jamaican people and even a couple people on our team. But I have prayed about it and chosen to smile and be kind to them, even though they usually don't return the favor.

Who are some people you have met this week that need to know the hope of God's grace? How can you share it with them?
I don't think I've talked to anyone this week and failed to show them at least that I act like a Christian should act. One person on our team that isn't serious about his walk of faith at all is Robert. He's just here because it's Jamaica and he's been pretty bored with all the ministry stuff we've been doing. Other team members and I have tried to show him what this trip is actually about, but he only tells us to shut up. So we've done our part. He hasn't accepted it. So we must move on.

Today was basically more relaxation. Our group went to a different church in Bessie Baker while the Georgians and New Yorkers went to the church we went to last Sunday. PJ preached at the church we went to, so there was no yelling. The service lasted an hour and a half, which I thought was great cuz for some reason I woke up SO exhausted. I could barely keep my eyes open. Every time we rode in the bus I had to take a nap. I'm pretty sure that once I get a good night's sleep in my bed at home, I'll feel much better.
I was allowed to give a 3-minute phone call to my Dad for Father's Day. Dad answered and I said, "Hey, Dad, it's Rachel" and there was a pause on the other end. Then he sputtered, "R-Rachel?! Really? Oh, honey!" He was sooo excited to hear from me. Of course I told him nothing, except that I was having the time of my life. I can't wait until Tuesday when I can get my pictures developed and tell them all about it!
Tomorrow we leave for home!

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Hot and sunny.
You're going home soon. Are you more excited or sad? Excited!!
What was the best part about today? Our meeting/devotional
What was the hardest? Staying awake this morning
Did anyone say anything "quote-worthy?" --

On Trip - Day 8 - June 16th, 2007

2008-07-01T19:37:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 11:17-43.
It's a child's favorite verse to memorize: Jesus wept. It's short, and earns a quick gold star in Sunday school, but it's also powerful. We see Jesus moved to tears. His good friend had died, but it is doubtful that that was the reason for the tears. Jesus knew how things were going to turn out. There was no need to cry over a death that was temporary and would end in an amazing miracle. It is quite possible that it was Mary and Martha's sorrow that caused Jesus to feel the same. He saw His friends hurting, and He felt their hurt. Mary and Martha had no idea that their brother was not going to remain in the grave, but they knew who to go to with their pain. Jesus experienced it with them, and He responded. There seem to be two miracles here: a man brought back from the dead, and an almighty and powerful God that feels the pain of His people.

Ask God to give you a heart that feels the pain of the hurting and knows how to respond.

How do you think God is calling you to respond to the pain that is around you this week?
I have discovered about myself this past year that God has given me the gift of compassion and encouragement. When someone is hurting or is in sorrow or even if they just need a kind word to pick themselves up, I always say all the right things in all the right ways. Everyone comments about how I made them feel better, not just by sympathizing with them, but somehow also telling them the right thing to do in such a way where they'll agree with me and not get mad, where it doesn't sound like I'm judging them. I myself do not know how I do it, only that it's God that speaks through me and not myself. I have the ability to listen to every last word they have to say, to understand them and to actually feel their pain. I actually love those situations. When I feel their pain, I feel their joy when they feel better too.

Spend time praying for some of the hurting people you have met this week.

Today was so amazing, even though I got more injured in 3 hours than I have the whole trip. I went shopping and bought earrings (something I can't get enough of), a bracelet, and a coffee mug for the fam that says "Someone who loves me very much went to Jamaica and got me this mug" at a flea market (I ain't stupid. I got all those things at lower prices than they were worth...when it comes to good stuff and bargaining, I know all the tricks of the trade). There was no point in shopping anywhere else. It cost $25 for an 8-inch figurine.
Then we went to the beach. I barely swam in the ocean -- I was too busy climbing up the waterfall! There was a huge rocky waterfall with rushing water that we were allowed to climb. First with Megan R., Megan V., Erynn, and Michael (Christian's older brother), we all climbed up the easy path, helping each other. It took about an hour the first time. Then I decided to go up again with Ian and go the hard route. I fell down and bruised myself so many times, but it was so much fun. Ian was a real gentleman and led the way, reaching out his hand and pulling me up at tough spots. But I will tell you now: I will never take Ian for granted again. Thank the Lord for a friend like Ian. I was near the top of the waterfall and we were at this really slippery spot where there weren't a lot of places to place your hands and feet. I guess I decided to be adventurous and I climbed ahead of Ian. But it is by the grace of God that I did. While I was climbing, I slipped and lost my foothold...and I began to fall down the waterfall. The water was moving so fast and there was nowhere to grab onto. I looked down and all I saw was rushing water and rocks. I screamed as loud as I could and oh wow, was I absolutely terrified. I thought I was going to break a bone or crack my head falling down the waterfall. I even had thoughts that I might die (it happens when you're going a gajillion miles an hour down a rocky waterfall). I was so scared. But you know what? Ian grabbed me. He wrapped his arms around my waist, held tight, and never let go as he slipped and fell with me down the waterfall. Miraculously Ian managed to stick his foot somewhere and stopped us before we tumbled over the edge and crashed onto the rocks below. If Ian had not grabbed me, I would have definitely fallen further than I did and would probably be with major injuries. But Ian risked himself to save me from that. If I had not climbed ahead of him, he could never have stopped me. God was definitely watching over me.
But aside from the potentially-life-threatening situation, today was great. I forgot sunblock (and having very fair skin, I burn easily), but for some reason I was not burned one bit today. And when I climbed up the falls the first time, I forgot my watch was on (and it's not waterproof), but somehow it still works.

TRIP UPDATE
How was the weather like today? Hot, but somewhat cloudy.
What are you going to miss the most about the culture you're in? How nice the people are.
What was the best part about today? The beach.
What was the hardest? My little experience falling down the waterfall.
Did anyone say anything "quote-worthy?" --

On Trip - Day 7 - June 15th, 2007

2008-07-01T19:18:00.000-07:00

Read and think about Matthew 8:1-3.
He knew he wasn't supposed to get close to the crowds, but he also knew that Jesus was his only hope for getting his life back. Who knows how many miserable years the man had lived with his sickness that caused his body to rot away, and demanded separation from his family and friends. So he did it. He somehow passed through the crowd and made it to the feet of Jesus before anyone could stop him. "Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean." He was confident in the power of Jesus to heal, but what probably caught him offguard was the touch of Jesus. Who knows how long it had been since this guy had had anyone touch him? Who knows what the crowd was thinking when Jesus, who was quickly becoming known as a holy man of God, defiled Himself by touching a man that was declared unclean by the law? Whatever the case, Jesus' touch made the sick man see that Jesus was not only out to heal the body, He was out to heal the heart as well.

From this passage, what do you see as the relationship between meeting physical needs and meeting heart needs?
Physical needs easily connect with heart needs. Physical pain can make the heart depressed and cry out for relief. If you heal the physical, the heart can't help praising.

Who is someone you have met this week that needs a "touch of Jesus"?
Dara has lost her voice completely. And...I've wanted a healing touch ever since the headaches began. God has given me strength to carry on, though, and I'll go through it however long He wills it.

Spend some time praying, asking God to show you how He wants to use you to touch that person's heart.

Today was so great. This morning we had nothing planned, but there was talk that we'd do more construction work. We decided to take all of the missionary groups, and all of us were to spend 10 minutes in prayer to see what God wanted us to do. It was amazing how God revealed to every single one of us that He didn't want us to do construction. He wanted us to do a prayer walk. So we split off into groups of 4. Beau, Bradley, Brianna, and I were a group. I've been talking to Beau lately, encouraging him because he's very shy. This mission trip has definitely changed me in a way. I've become more outspoken. So on the prayer walk, I did all the talking for the first few people about salvation (I even walked up to a couple people and started talking to them about the salvation message and realized that they had marijuana...didn't realize that at first, but I kept witnessing anyway and they were really friendly...I got out fairly quickly though). Then I decided to let one of the others in my group do the talking. So I asked Brianna. "Oh no, no, I'm not gonna do it." I asked Bradley. "Nah, not me." I could just see the extremely nervous look on Beau's face as I asked, "Beau, will you do it?" He wanted to say no. He honestly did. But he said yes. He trusted God to give him the words to say, and God did. I'm very, very proud of Beau.
We stopped at a boy's home. Not for very long (the Georgians and New Yorkers stayed longer than we did), but enough to see what it was like. Basically it's a home where orphaned boys and extreme troublemakers go. Before we even got off the bus, the boys were fighting, hitting each other in the head with rocks and stuff. I was pretty nervous, but we were safe.
Today was our last day of VBS. Renise, the little girl who'd written me the note earlier, leaped into my lap and gave me a huge hug. She is so nice. I'll miss her bunches.
Well, that's our last work day. Tomorrow is our reward day. We're going to Ocho Rios so we can shop and then go to the beach. :)
Btw, I've made a couple new friends, one from the Georgia team and the other from the New York team. The one from Ggeorgia, Carlie, looks almost exactly me (which is what initially drew us together) and we have so much in common. Right now she's lying in bed sick from a huge centipede bite. I was the first person she asked to see, because I've kind of gotten a reputation of being the encourager and the compassionate one on this trip. It was cool. I hope she feels better tomorrow. She's 17. The one from New York is a guy named Christian (a name that fits who he is very well). He's 15 and really shy and quiet. But I find out he's a homeschooler like I am! Having that in common, we got to talking right away.
We also did this really cool thing during group devos. We were all instructed before the trip even began to bring a bunch of index cards. So what we were to do was first, one person would stand up and pick one person that inspired them that week, and then that person would pick another person, and you couldn't pick the same person, so you'd go around until every person was picked. Pastor Harold started it out, and he picked me. Throughout the week, I got the feeling that he was very impressed with me.
Then after that, to whoever touched us that week, we'd write notes of encouragement on the index cards and give them to them. Man, I got so many, even from people I didn't get to know very well. It was awesome.

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Hot and humid (notice a pattern here?)
Which person has had the most impact on you this week?
Either Jordan or Brede. Jordan spurts out inspirational things when you never expect them, and Brede is so amazing with kids. He led one kid to Christ on Thursday. It was amazing.
What was the best part about today? VBS.
What was the hardest? Boys home.
Did anyone say anything quote-worthy? --

On Trip - Day 6 - June 14th, 2007

2008-07-01T19:07:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 13:1-17.
It wasn't the job any Jewish kid aspired to have. Someone walks in the door, after walking who knows how far on dusty roads in just their sandals, and you must stoop to their stinky feet and wash away the grime of the journey. It was the menial talk of a servant. So when Jesus stooped down to do the dirty work, the disciples were shocked. Just as thirty some years before Jesus had laid aside the glory of heaven to take on human form, He now laid aside His clothing and took on the garment of a servant. The King of heaven knelt humbly at the feet of His followers. And in a very real way He showd His disciples what His mission had been from the beginning: to be a servant and lay down His life for others.

What stands out to you about Jesus' example of service?
He did it without complaining and humbled Himself greatly.

What have you learned about being a servant this week?
I've learned it makes you very exhausted! But also it gives a great sense of joy knowing that I am doing this work all to God's glory.

In what ways is Jesus calling you to serve your mission team? Get specific - what are you doing to do today to serve your team?
I helped others when I wasn't supposed to be doing their duties.

What about those you've come to minister to?
To really get down on their level and sometimes act a little crazy just to get them into it. Not to place myself above them.

Today was the day that messed up, but it was still good. I woke up feeling more groggy than I've ever felt in my life. It literally took 15 minutes just to get my eyes to stay open. After breakfast, we went to do construction, but none of the other Jamaican workers that we'd worked with previously were there, so we had no tools. I dug rocks out of mud with my bare hands (not even gloves) and now I've got dirt under my fingernails that will never get out (dirt under my fingernails irks me). Then we went out on a prayer walk, where we just walked down the roads and prayed. It was really great, even though we climbed so many hills.
Then we had VBS. The whole day was one big miscommunication. Half of us were t stay with some kids outside playing soccer while the other half went to VBS, then the kids would switch. 3 of us team members down by the soccer field (myself included) had no clue how to play and didn't want to just stand around doing nothing. So we went back and there were about 65 kids in the VBS room alone (there were about 20 in the soccer field). The recreation/games leaders weren't ready, the craft leaders didn't have enough help, and a lot of us were just left standing around because of the busyness. Tomorrow we'll do much better.
Tomorrow is also our last day of work.

TRIP UPDATE:
What was the weather like today? Hot, humid, hot, and humid.
What cultural differences stood out to you today? --
What was the best part about today? Prayer walk.
What was the hardest? VBS!
What item are you most thankful you packed for this trip? Razor, sunblock, and hairbands.

On Trip - Day 5 - June 13th, 2007

2008-07-01T18:52:00.001-07:00

Read and think about John 9:1-12.
He'd been in darkness since the day he was born. As Jesus and his disciples walked by, one of them asked the question he may have been asking all of his life: what did I do to deserve this? Who is to blame for this suffering!? Jesus' answer blew right out of the water the idea that hard things in our lives indicate God's anger towards us. Sure, sin has its consequences, and God may allow thins to happen to get our lives on track. BUT His love and mercy are great, and He has taken the punishment of our sin on Himself so we could know freedom. So what was the purpose of this man's many years in darkness? That the power of God might be displayed in him. It wasn't this man's physical blindness that caused him to not see God's perfect purposes behind his difficulties, but that blindness common to us all, caused by our limited human perspective of this life. God's got a plan, whether you see it or not.

What feelings have you had this week as you've seen the hard circumstances that people are living in?
It's been so very humbling, seeing so many people living in poverty or suffering from a mental illness. With some of them I can't help feeling joyful because that's what they are, they're happy. They don't focus on the so little things that they have. They're just happy to be alive. But I've also had my heart broken. Earlier today I just broke down in tears when I was at the infirmary that we went to. These people were so old and so sick that they barely looked alive. The flies just kept buzzing around them and they were so wak and so used to it that they didn't even bother wiping them away. We read to them from the Bible and sang a ton of songs for them. They really liked it, and those who were strong enough sang with us. What really got to me was when we sang "Lean On Me" for them. The words just really became real for me, and in the end I did break down in tears. One thing I love about my teammates is that they will comfort you. This is the second time I've broken down on this trip and both times I was very much comforted by my friends.

What does this passage show you about what God's purposes might be in allowing hard things to happen in people's lives?
When we are weak, God's strength can shine through us. I know that very well. This "Headache Trial", which is still going on even now, has definitely showed me that God can use my pain to reach others. The pain is still here so I'm thinking that I'm still being used to reach people in that way.

Ask God to show you how to help people see that He cares for them even when they are suffering.

VBS was so great. It didn't rain today so we got around 45 kids. I did my second and final Bible story. I decided at the very last minute that I didn't want to do it the way I planned. So by the help of God, I totally revamped the story as I was teaching it to the kids. It was awesome.
Ugh, the bug bites itch so bad right now!

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? VERY hot and VERY humid.
What is the strangest food you've had to eat so far? Either chop sui (not bad) or cornbeef sandwiches (vomit-inducing).
What was the best part about today? All of it.
What was the hardest? Too hot!
Did anyone say anything "quote-worthy"? Our coordinator, Pastor Harold, told us this during group devos: "Tiredness is temporary. The fruits of your work lasts a lifetime."

"LEAN ON ME"
Verse: You just call on your brother when you need a hand
We all need somebody to lean on
I just might have a problem that you'll understand
We all need somebody to lean on

Chorus: Lean on me when you're not strong
And I'll be your friend, I'll help you carry on
For it won't be long
Till I'm gonna need somebody to lean on

On Trip - Day 4 - June 12th, 2007

2008-07-01T18:32:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 3:1-21.
Mission trips are famous for their 2-minute gospel presentations: knock on door, door opens, smile big and spit out the Good News as fast as you can, door shuts. But here we see Jesus taking time to talk and entertain some questions in the late night hours. He doesn't seem rushed. He doesn't seem bothered. He just speaks to the heart of a man that is trying to find out the truth about Him. Jesus doesn't necessarily answer the questions coming out of Nicodemus' mouth, but the ones that are hidden in his heart. He challenges his way of thinking, He shares truth, and He shares about the amazing world-wide love of God - love that can cause a man to be re-born into a whole new kind of life. Amazing what can happen when you just take a little time to chat.

What stands out to you about Jesus' conversation with Nicodemus?
Jesus is not wishy-washy. He stated the truth directly and answers every question Nicodemus has.

How can you follow Jesus' example in your ministry?
By having no "ums" or "uhs." By not being ashamed to tell anyone and everyone about Christ Jesus.

John 3:16 is a verse you've heard a million times. Spend some time meditating on verses 16 and 17, asking God to give you a fresh understanding of the amazing truth they convey.

Today was so amazing, as every day has been. First of all we went to a nearby school to do a mini-service (music, a skit, and the salvation message...a lot of schools go year-round in Jamaica). In Jamaica, you can teach God all you want in school, and in most school, He is taught, which is something America needs to do. Anyway, a lot of the kids who were at VBS yesterday were there and they all remembered me. There was this one new girl that I walked up to and spoke to. Her name was Jessica and I asked her if she wanted me to take a picture of her. She said yes, so I did. After that, it was like I was her new best friend. She grabbed my hand and showed me all around the school, telling her friends about me. She was wonderful.
After that we did "God And I" time (individual devotionals, where we get to spend time alone with just us and God) while taking a tour around a couple of other towns in Jamaica. We got to see some of the wealthier neighborhoods, with mansions and stuff, but still nothing like America's. Then we pulled into a children's home. Now, I thought when they say "handicapped children," they meant, like, crippled or deaf. I quickly learned that they were mentally handicapped. When the first guy I met, who looked to be about 19, screamed out of joy and hugged me as tight as he could, I felt weird and uncomfortable at first. But then I heard God tell me, "They're My children too." After that, it was much easier being around those kids, and I actually enjoyed myself immensely. I danced with one girl, walked around everywhere with a boy, spent time with a lady that loved feeling my face and hair, and played with a very affectionate woman who loved to hug and kiss me on the cheek (for fun, I called one of my mission tripper guy friends over, who's not too big on hugs and especially kisses...I laughed so hard when the woman grabbed his neck, pulled him close to her, and gave him a huge kiss on the cheek). I just felt so happy around these people. Whenever I smiled at them, they smiled back. I gave more hugs today than I have in the past few months. It just really showed how beautiful these handicapped people are. I want to go to another children's home when I get back to America.
Then I did hard construction work, we got super hot and sweaty and - haha - the Lord send rain. Again. So we didn't get a huge crowd of kids for VBS (in fact, there were only about 15), but then again, we can really control 15 kids. There was one girl named Renise who gave me a piece of paper. On the front was a colorful alphabet she'd drawn, and on the back it said in huge letters, "I LOVE YOU! You are nice and kind and good." It felt so good, just to know I've made a difference in someone's life.
Tonight I got up some serious guts and spoke my mind. The Georgia group hasn't been very nice or hard-working, so our team's been complaining and talking about them in private, and it really bothered me. So tonight I told the team that I didn't like how we were talking behind their backs, and just cuz they were mean didn't mean we had to be. I mean, what difference does it make if you're saying bad things to a person's face or behind their back? Us talking about them in private makes us just as bad as them. Not justifying what the Georgia team was doing, just saying we shouldn't do the same thing. Man, it nailed everyone. Everyone was so silent, then they were all thanking me afterward.
So I have to go to bed now!

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Hot and humid at first, then very cool and rainy.
Who is someone that encouraged you today? How? Renise, by giving me that note she made.
What was the best part about today? The children's home.
Which was the hardest? The construction work.
Did anyone say something "quote-worthy?" Leann also encouraged me today. After I spoke up about the Georgia team, she told me, "When I first saw you, I thought you were a quiet shy girl...now I know you are very courageous."

On Trip - Day 3 - June 11th, 2007

2008-07-01T18:10:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 4:4-30.
She was used to being ignored, so their conversation was a surprise from the beginning. His words were confusing, and uncomfortably personal at times, but also full of compassion. Her gut told her He was offering her something she desperately needed. She'd tried so many things to satisfy her desires, and now this man was telling her He could give her living water that would quench her thirst forever. He was also telling her her life story. Normally His knowledge of her not-so-pretty life would have embarrassed and enraged her, but instead she felt freedom. Someone was loving and accepting her despite what she'd done, and offering her a way out of her dangerous downward spiral.

Is there someone you have met this week that may feel unwanted and unloved like the Samaritan woman?
There have been a couple homeless people walking around who pretty much think their lives are ruined.

What is God calling you to do to make that person feel loved and accepted?
I try to smile and wave at everyone I see, whether I feel uncomfortable around them or not. Smetimes I try to talk to them, but being the shy person I am, it's pretty hard.

How can you share "living water" with them?
Being a living example of Christ, and sharing the Word unashamedly.

Spend some timme praying, asking God to give you a greater heart for the seemingly "un-lovely."

Today was SO AMAZING!! We finally got to do some work. Early in the morning we drove over to Bessie Baker to do some construction work. It got very hot and very humid very quickly. I pretty much was giving the job of digging rocks out of the ground (with my bare hands) and making a wall with them. Anyway, I later learned that I sweated a lot more than I thought I would and drank less water than I thought I did. I was so busy moving huge rocks around that I only stopped once in an hour and a half for a water break. I got pretty lightheaded later, but after some Jamaican grapefruit soda I felt better. Anyway, God was definitely watching over us as we were working. We were so hot and so sweaty that it was getting pretty hard for us. Then, right at the end of our work...it rained. It was bright sunshine before, but it just downpoured and oh it felt so good. Kept us cool and washed the dirt off our bodies. I found it quite a worshipful experience.
Later in the day we did VBS, which was better than I thought it would be. Around starting time we only had 3 kids, so we prayed for others to come, sent out our clowns (about 7 mission trippers dressed up as clowns...they were really great, but now one of them can't fully get the paint off his face), and started. After a few songs from our music teachers, I had the job of teaching the kids the Bible lesson (about the sick servant in Luke 7). By that time, we had about 35 kids. And I don't know why, but somehow I felt totally confident, not nervous at all. The kids were AMAZING. They were all so quiet and well-mannered. And never underestimate their memorizing skills. I was teaching them a memory verse and I was completely blown away with how fast they learned it. I just can't wait until tomorrow, when we'll have more kids (we only got 35 today cuz it was raining). And I can't wait until I can teach the kids again on Wednesday!
I love it so much here in Jamaica (despite the fact that our food - or the lack of it - is really spicy and not very good at all). I'm working and serving so much and I love every minute of it. Although there has been one homeless guy who I think is mentally challenged or totally stoned or both. He follows us everywhere. We accept him, but he's gotten a little scary lately. One time he locked a little kid who didn't do anything wrong behind a fence and started screaming at him. He wouldn't leave until one of the mission trippers got him out. Also, he keeps kissing one of our trippers' hands (I mean, I guess it'd be understandable if it were a girl's hand he was kissing but...it's a guy's hand). So sometimes we have to deal with him. But it's so great here.

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Hot and humid at first, then it rained all day and got comfortable cool.
What cultural differences stood out to you? While us Americans honk our car horns to be rude, Jamaicans honk at each other as a kind of greeting.
What was the best part about today? We finally got to work, and I got to do a Bible lesson.
What was the hardest? The building we're holding VBS is too small and we had to improvise.
Did anyone say anything "quote-worthy?" --

On Trip - Day 2 - June 10th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:56:00.001-07:00

Read and think about Luke 4:31-37.
News of Jesus has started to spread through the countryside. His words are spoken with authority, and people are amazed. Many still aren't sure who He is, but people are starting to pay attention, especially Satan and his demons. They know that this man is the start of something big -- something that threatens all of their destructive purposes.The demon can't sit still any longer, as the powerful, life-giving words of Jesus' teaching in the temple burn his ears. With calm force in His voice, Jesus takes care of the situation, commanding the demon to come out. This temple scene is just the beginning of God's demonstration of complete power and victory over Satan, sin, and death.

What are some areas that you are starting to see the enemy's influence this week?
Increasing headaches, and a bit of tiredness in the group.

What do you think your response should be to the evil you see around you?
"Resist the devil and he will flee from you." I wiill stay focused on God and will not allow a foothold.

Read Ephesians 6:10-18. Spend some time praising God for His victory over the enemy. Ask Him to help you stand strong against the plans of the enemy.

Today we were all tired, but overall it was an easy day. We didn't do any work because it's Sunday. We went to church and, let me tell you, you haven't seen anything like a Jamaican church. Think "Southern Baptist" times 3. The church was just a plain building with one big room, but they still had a sound system, drums, and a keyboard. Personally I don't think they needed a sound system, because they were LOUD. The music was amazing though. It drove me to tears. Quite indescribable. The sermon's another matter. The pastor was yelling so loud that I swear you could've heard him a mile away without him wearing a microphone (and he DID wear one, so you can imagine). I found one of the congregation members humorous. The pastor wouldn't even be making a point and this guy would start exclaiming things ("I wore green pants yesterday." "Amen! Yes, Lord!"). The service was 3 hours long. I was definitely not used to that. So it was pretty great anyway.
We're here with 2 other missionary groups. One is a group of 17 from Georgia and another's a group of 5 from New York. We're getting along fairly well, I think. Or at least I am. I think some of my teammates are having some tension with the Georgians.
We drove to a town called Bessie Baker (haha), which is where we will do construction work and VBS (vacation Bible school). Now, I thought I'd seen poverty before. I'd been through Mississippi and Louisiana before and their houses and towns are really junky. But those aren't Jamaica. These people basically live in old metal shacks with a bunch of holes in them. Fortunately there's not much winter in Jamaica so they're not cold, but still. Children have to grow up in this. They probably don't know how much better it could be, like what Americans have. I'm going to feel so weird when I get back home. I'm living in a college dorm for the week and it's not...well, ideal (the floor is covered in fire ants, the walls are crawling with cockroaches, the toilets won't flush, our "showers" are ice water coming out of a pipe, no air conditioning, and we live with a couple lizards we named Fred and Bob). But I've grown to adapt. I have to.
It's just strange, cuz everyone pictures Jamaica to be this beautiful tropical paradise, and it is on the outskirts. But you go inland and it's so incredibly poor.
Anyway...tomorrow's gonna be big!

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Actually pretty cool and not too humid.
What is the local currency worth compared to the U.S. dollar? 1 American dollar = $61.50 Jamaican dollars
What was the best part about today? The church music.
What was the hardest? Sitting through 3 hours of church service, and not being able to work.
What words have you learned in the local language? Jamaicans pretty much speak English.

On Trip - Day 1 - June 9th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:44:00.000-07:00

Read and think about Matthew 14:22-23.
Jesus had told them to get into the boat and cross to the other side. "Thanks a lot Jesus" was what they were probably all thinking as they were pelted and jolted by a violent storm. What were they supposed to do now? They did what the disciples (and all of us) seem to do so well: they forgot. They forgot about the people they'd seen healed, the dead they'd seen raised, the demons cast out, and even the food multiplied. They forgot, and they freaked. But Jesus sees them in the middle of their fear, and He comes to them miraculously on the water. "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid!" Peter, always quick t act, follows the command to come, and he steps out of the boat. But the raging wind around him draws his attention from Jesus, and he begins to sink. Jesus' arm is quick to grab him. They both climb onto the boat, the sea is instantly calm. "Why did you doubt?"

What does the fact that Jesus sent the disciples onto a sea He knew would turn violent show you about Jesus' character?
Sometimes He puts us through things He knows will strengthen us and wants to teach us to trust Him.

What does it mean to you that Jesus came to them in the middle of their fear and doubting?
He won't ever leave. You may stop looking for Him, but He's always there. Just look, you'll see Him there. He'll always be there when I'm afraid.

What will it mean for you to "step out of the boat" this week? What will help you keep your focus on Jesus as your faith is being tested?
You don't know how much I laughed when I read that. This whole DAY was a test of faith! Early this morning our mission team lef the church and rose on the l-o-n-g 2-hour bus ride to O'hare airport in Chicago. It was when we arrived at the airport that I realized how many of us there were and how much baggage we had! All 29 of us with our bright yellow mission trip shirts caught the attention of a lot of people and we met a mision team going to Mexico also wearing bright yellow shirts! It took a lonnnng time to get us all through. What made it longer was the fact that they wouldn't let 5 of our members through.
See, a couple days before today, the law had changed to where you didn't need a passport to enter the tropics (another miracle from God, because 5 of our members hadn't gotten passports in). But O'hare wasn't honoring that law. The kids had birth certificates, photo ID, everything, but they still wouldn't let them through. So the rest of us went through, all praying and some (like me) almost crying because it looked like the 5 would have to go back home and wait until their passports came in so they could come maybe in the middle of the trip.
About 15 minutes before we were boarding the plane, the airport let those 5 through. It was so amazing.
Today was nothing BUT travel. The plane rides were tedious and my arms were pretty tired after all the luggage carrying, but it was worth it. On the flight to Jamaica, we flew through a storm. It was kind of scary at first, but then it got pretty amazing. Lightning was striking all around us. It was cool.
It was so great seeing Jamaica from the air. It was even better when we landed. I love the Jamaican accents!! They're...I don't know....fun, I guess. It is sooo humid down here though. My hair got pretty big. The humidity was so thick that we were almost breathing pure water.
I can't wait until tomorrow when we get started on work!

TRIP UPDATE
What was the weather like today? Nice and sunny and warm
What cultural differences stood out to you? Jamaicans drive on the left side of the road.
What was the best part about today? The sooo many miracles that God did.
What was the hardest? The parts before God did the miracles!
Did anyone say anything "quote-worthy?" "It's sooo humid. If I die, it's because I drowned." - Jordan

Pretrip - Day 5 - June 8th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:34:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 6:1-15.
A few fish, a few hunks of bread. A meager lunch for 3 at best. Not even a small snack for 5,000 plus. Who knows what the young boy was thinking, but even though the size of his lunch seemed so lacking for teh need at hand, the boy decided to give everything he had to Jesus anyway. Jesus took it, and blessed it, and passed it around...to every single man, woman and child seated n the hillside, and bring baskets full of leftovers back to the feet of Jesus. Soon there isn't one of the multitude that isn't full, and a disciple that isn't stunned as they gather the leftovers. There was no magic in the tiny lunch, just power in the hands that took it and multiplied something so small into something GREAT.

What's something in your life that you need to offer up to Jesus to be used for His purpose?
I've been told by so many people that I have a lovely singing voice, and it can get hard not to get too big a head from these compliments. I need to catch myself and remind myself that I'm not singing for my glory, I'm singing for God's glory. If there is one thing I'd like to accomplish with my voice, it would be to let God use me for His purposes and to impact or change a life for Him through my songs.

What do you think Jesus can do with it when you allow Him to use it?
Jesus can do amazing things when you surrender it all to Him! I remember one time (I love pulling from past experiences, can you tell?) when I was working at my local library. It was supposed to be some special Christmas family fun night. The program started at 6:30pm, and at 6:25pm, there were only about 2 kids there. We were pretty worried that there wasn't going to be a good turnout. So I decided to pray, "Lord, if it's Your will, we can have 2 kids. Just let me be a good example of You for them. I dedicate this night to You. Please do whatever You would like with it and let me act to glorify You." I kid you not, in the next 10 minutes, we had over 100 people up there. It was great.

Spend some time praying and surrendering yourself to God and His purposes. Remember: they are GREAT!!!

Tomorrow we will be on the plane heading for Jamaica. Believe it or not, today it actually sunk in for me. I guess this past week, while I've been pretty excited, I didn't really believe we were leaving so fast. I mean, it seems like yesterday we had 8 weeks until we left. Today I was sitting on the couch doing school (yeah, being a homeschooler I'm the only kid on the team still doing schoolwork) and I suddenly realized, "Holy cow, I'm going to Jamaica tomorrow!" Now I have butterflies in my stomach. I am so excited...and nervous!

"FEARLESS" - recorded by BUILDING 429
Verse 1: No I don't understand and I can't comprehend
This power that draws me to You
But I know for the cross I'll consider all lost
In an effort to tell of the truth
That the world may know...that the world may know
That You have been heaven-sent to us

Chorus: So I'll be fearless for You
I'll be fearless for You
Take me, I'm Yours
I'm fearless for You

Verse 2: All the times that I've failed, that my doubt has prevailed
These are the moments I'm giving to You
Cuz I can't be ashamed, no I can't fear the pain
When it comes time to be living proof
That the world may see that the captives are free
Cuz You have been heaven-sent to us

Repeat chorus

Bridge: Unwilling to bend
Unwilling to break
And headstrong I'll stand
No matter what it takes

Repeat chorus

Pretrip - Day 4 - June 7th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:30:00.001-07:00

Read and think about Mark 4:35-41.
This wasn't their first time riding stormy seas. They were seasoned fishermen. They knew what could happen. They'd had their own experiences with storms, and probably had friends that had gone out to sea and never returned. This night the waves were enormous, the wind was fierce, and their knees were weak. Who can blame them for a little freaking out? But this time was different. This time Jesus was with them in the storm. He didn't prevent the storm, but He rode it with them. And at the perfect moment He stood up and calmed His creation. The disciples were afraid of the winds and the waves, but there was no need. The one who created them was in the boat.

What are some of your fears as you head to the mission field?
I'm a worry wart with occasional problems with anxiety. I worry about EVERYTHING!! I assume the worst in everything. In one way it's a good thing, because I pray and do nothing else when I'm afraid, but it is a problem nonetheless and I have done a good bit of praying about it. So whatever fears anyone could have about this trip, I've thought of it before.

Read Matthew 28:18-20. What does it say about God's presence with you as you go out to tell others about Jesus?
"Surely I will be with you even to the very ends of the earth." Which is an amazing promise.

Spend some time praying and surrendering your fears. Ask God to give you peace, confidence, and assurance of His presence.

I just love Jesus so much. And I am SO EXCITED that I'm leaving in TWO DAYS!!!

Pretrip - Day 3 - June 6th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

Read and think about Luke 5:27-31.
Are we seeing a pattern here? Fishermen stink. Tax collectors cheat. Jesus seems to be calling some unlikely people to be a part of His team. Were all of the lawyers, doctors, and Bible scholars unavailable that day and Jesus just had to take whatever He could find? Nope. Jesus knew exactly what He was doing. He often chose the unlikely and imperfect to carry out His plans, and He still does so today. Take a look around your church. Take a look in the mirror. But watch out: a perfect, powerful and creative God can do amazing things with the most unlikely person, because it's not about who's being called, it's about who's doing the calling.

How does it make you feel to know that Jesus has chosen you?
It makes me feel more honored than I could possibly say! I certainly know I'm not perfect, so to know that Jesus is using me to impact lives for Him is just so amazing.

What are some doubts that you have about yourself as you head into this mission trip?
This is my first mission trip, and I am honestly very nervous about being a Bible teacher! It's a wonderful job and I've spent a LOT of time preparing for it, but part of me is afraid that I'm going to mess up. I'm also a little afraid that the headaches that I've been fighting daily for the past year might raise in intensity. But I've chosen to trust God with these worries! If He's got the whole world in His hands, there's really no need to be afraid!

Read 2nd Corinthians 4:7, and Philippians 4:13, then spend some time praying about your doubts and asking God to give you confidence in what He can do through you!

I am really glad that God has all the power and I do not. Honestly, this world would be the absolute worst if I were the one in charge. Everything would be black and gray and white because I wouldn't be able to decide the colors, I'd say yes to all prayers just so I wouldn't have to hear them all, there'd be no missionaries because I wouldn't be able to choose...I'm just so glad God is in control and will never go back on His promises!

Pretrip - Day 2 - June 5th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:13:00.000-07:00

Read and think about Luke 5:1-11.
Their boat was docked and their nets already clean after a wasted night at sea. But when Jesus asked them for a ride, they decided to go ahead. They'd heard the rumors. Maybe they hoped He'd bring some of His miracles their way. When He told them to cast their nets again they probably gave Jesus a double take and each other a shrug, but they obeyed. Their muscles were tired after a frustrating night, but they lifted the heavy nets and threw them over the side. They stared at the water, more out of exhaustion than expectation. But soon there was flipping and fluttering -- in the nets and in their guts. What they did on their own left them empty-handed, but with Jesus' direction and presence, their nets were full to breaking -- they got more than they ever could have imagined.

What does this story show you about Jesus' power verses man's?
Man definitely cannot compare with God! Man can fail. God can't. When things begin to seem hopeless, God can make them work.

How does that apply to you and your ministry?
It's applied a lot already! Jesus definitely has the power. Each of us team members had to raise $1,000 each out of donations by sending out letters to friends and family. There was a deadline to when that money was supposed to come in. A week before the deadline I wasn't even halfway there with my money. I will admit, I was beginning to doubt. But I heard the voice of God tell me: "Send out more donation letters." The only other people I could send letters to were distant relatives that I didn't know very well, and at first I thought it was a lost cause. But I sent those letters out and trusted God with the results. The next week I had over $1,100. So, follow God's calling no matter how doubtful you are. He'll produce the results.

What was Peter and Jogn's response to what they saw Jesus do?
They were absolutely astounded! Simon Peter immediately recognized Jesus' holiness and felt ashamed to even be with Him, because Jesus was Lord and Peter was a sinful man.

What is your response to knowing that you serve a powerful God?
I'm the type of person who, if God's done something amazing in my life, I have to tell someone. Knowing God is that powerful is just so assuring that everything will turn out right if He wills it. When I doubt about something really big and think that it could never work out, and God blows me away with a miracle, it actually makes me feel kind of stupid at first for doubting! It's almost like I can hear God laugh and say, "And that's what happens when you trust Me." What's really cool is, usually God doesn't just make it work, He'll do something much bigger. Like, it'd be enough of a miracle if, when I had about $450 of donation money, God totaled me up to about $800 ($350 in one week is a lot). It'd be even more amazing if I just broke $1,000. But it was almostl ike God was saying, "Alright, you trust Me. I'll go ahead and bring in your $1,000 annnd....I'll add $150 just because I'm God."
Our God is an awesome God!!

Pretrip - Day 1 - June 4th, 2007

2008-07-01T17:02:00.000-07:00

Read and think about John 1:14
John 1 says that, "The Word (that's Jesus) became flesh (that means just like us...skin and bones) and dwelt among us (right here on earth)." Jesus laid down His crown, got off His throne and went on the most extreme mission trip of all time. You'd be hard pressed to find a greater cultural gap than the one between heaven and earth. Think about it: trading a place of beauty, joy, no tears, no pain, no worries, for what we see all around us. Take a look at today's news and it's easy to see that this world is no paradise. But Jesus gave it all up. He knew what was ahead. He knew the cost. But He decided making a way for you, and everyone else, to know Him was worth it. There's no greater example of someone who lays it all down so that others might come to know the Lord. You've got a great role-model to look to as you head to the mission field.

What does it mean to you personally that Jesus left heaven and came to dwell on earth for your benefit?
It definitely teaches me a lesson on love and sacrifice. It's sobering to know He never gave up on me.

Read Philippians 2:1-11. What stands out to you about Jesus' attitude in coming to earth?
He was humble and obedient. He never stopped being obedient even while nails were being pounded into His hands. Now that's sacrifice.

Jesus sacrificed it all to allow us to experience God's love. What is God calling you to sacrifice as you go on this mission to share His love with others?
He is asking me to sacrifice some comfort. My main role on this trip is one of the Bible teachers, who specifically teaches Bible lessons to the kids, and for me it is quite nerve-wracking to get up in front of 50 kids or so to teach them a Bible story! I believe He is also calling me to sacrifice some time, mostly leisurely time. I know there have been several times when I didn't really want to work on my Bible stories. I wanted to read or get on the computer. But I chose to work on the Bible stories instead so I would be prepared.

It's 5 days till we go and I am soooo excited!! I can't wait till we get there and get to teach the Jamaican people about Jesus. I can barely contain myself! :D

Mission Trip 2007 - Jamaica

2008-07-01T16:47:00.000-07:00

June 9th-18th - Haughton Grove, Jamaica
Trinity Youth Mission Team (grades 9th-12th)

Team: 24 students, 5 adults
Adults:
PJ (youth pastor)
Terry
Carmen
Leann
Dara

Students:
Rachel (freshman...me)
Jed (freshman)
Cassandra (freshman)
Brede (freshman)
Beau (freshman)
Ian (freshman)
Brianna (freshman)
Robert (freshman)
Clayton (sophomore)
Kamden (sophomore)
Bradley (sophomore)
Jordan (junior)
Jessica (junior)
Cameron (senior)
Anna (senior)
Holli (senior)
Nick (senior)
Megan V. (graduating senior/college freshman)
Megan R. (graduating senior/college freshman)
Meagan (graduating senior/college freshman)
Veselin (graduating senior/college freshman)
Samantha (graduating senior/college freshman)
Erynn (graduating senior/college freshman)
Amy (graduating senior/college freshman)

(all italics and bolds in the journal posts are credited to Up Close: A Mission Trip Journal by Julie Anderson. All regular type is my response and my journaling)