Literally.
I've invested a lot of time in this year's American Idol. I believe it's the strongest season yet - and that's saying a lot, because last year was incredible. I don't watch a lot of TV, but I do make sure I don't miss one episode of American Idol. I am firmly hooked on the show.
Yes, it displays a lot of talent and fulfills dreams. You get to really get connected with the contestants. But you know what one of the best parts is? You can express your faith on the show. If you happen to be a worship leader at your church, they don't keep that quiet. If you want to thank God for a good performance, you can go ahead and do that. In fact, last year during Idol Gives Back, the contestants sang "Shout To The Lord."
This year, however, is the strongest season of American Idol for the Christians, so to speak. "The year of the worship leader", the articles call it.
Why?
Of the top 36, 7 were worship leaders. 5 of those leaders made it through to the Top 13 - and in fact, none of them were eliminated before the Top 10, which means we'll be seeing all 5 of them in the upcoming tour.
Danny Gokey is the one that almost everyone knows is a worship leader. It's his main occupation. This man of faith looks like he'll be running all the way to the finals, probably against Adam Lambert (who's not a worship leader, but dang, that kid's voice gives me goosebumps...but I won't go on and on...and on...about him right now). Never had any formal training in his life, but he still uses the gifts God gave him.
Kris Allen is another worship leader that many know. His humble aw-shucks personality (and his face that's easy on the eyes) has many girls squealing, yet he proudly shows in bold and subtle ways how happy he is to be married to his wife. His proudest moment, he says in the American Idol interview, was when he married his wife. When he blew the judges away on Grand Ole Opry night, he didn't fail to show his wedding ring off to everyone. By the way, kudos to him for accepting Simon's advice to "be more self-confident, conceited, selfish" by saying, "Thank you. I will try to be more self-confident. I don't know about conceited, but self-confident, yes."
Scott MacIntyre, while technically not a "leader", plays music for his church quite often. His story of producing his music while dealing with blindness is inspirational and perhaps the main reason he's still on the show. His vocals are not the strongest, but his story - and probably his faith - keeps him going.
Matt Giraud, as well as being a dual piano player, is also a worship leader. He's really beginning to step out as a contender. We will probably be seeing him for quite some time, along with Kris Allen and definitely Danny Gokey. These 3 Christians probably aren't leaving for quite some time.
And good ole Michael Sarver leads worship on Sundays while he works as an oil rigger during the week. It's a surprise that he's even made it this far in the competition, based on vocals and appearance. While his vocals are good, they haven't stood out perhaps as much as the others, and he doesn't have a "commercial" appearance. Yet I'm convinced it's his humble, gracious attitude that's kept him here this long. People love his personality. "Thank you, ma'am", "thank you, sir," and "I appreciate that" are regulars in his vocabulary. And when doled some hefty criticism from the judges, he responded with a calm, "Hey, I made it to the Top 10 in American Idol, the greatest show in the world." No comment from the judges is going to make him forget the big picture.
It's the year of the worship leader. It's great to see America voting these guys through. Yes, their personalities are likeable - it's amazing to see the names these guys are giving us Christians. It's refreshing. In any other show on TV, Christians would be looked down upon. On this show, however, America is voting through the Christians. They know Danny Gokey's a worship leader. They're voting him through strongly. These men are all representatives of God and America is seeing it and voting them through.
It's a good season. A very good season.
(Make sure you vote for the worship leaders, but put in a few votes for Adam Lambert too...he's phenomenal).
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Friday, February 13, 2009
It's Complicated
Everyone knows at least one person who doesn't have a life (especially teenagers). They go to school, come home, spend hours in front of the computer chatting with their Internet friends (since they don't have any in real life) and/or watching TV. Then they go to bed and that's how their day goes. I know several people like that.
And, as well, everyone knows someone who's got the opposite problem: too much of a life. Check their calendar and you'll notice they probably only have a couple hours of free time (don't worry, those'll be booked up by next week).
I know people like that too. In fact, right now, I pretty much am one.
I check the calendar and I've got stuff I signed up for that I don't even remember signing up for. My mental weekly planner goes something like this: "Okay, it's Sunday morning. I'll go to church, hang around for a Target team meeting, then go home, eat, come back and babysit, then I'll stay for youth group. Monday through Friday I have school. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I have work - and my hours just got upped. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have drivers ed - whoops, I've got babysitting on Wednesday and Friday too. Then I've got music lessons and a library visit a couple towns over on Tuesday, then I have to run right back to choir practice. I also have to really start preparing for the Watseka theatre auditions in March, other theatre auditions in April, and my piano recital in May. I've also got hours worth of writing to do...."
It just goes on and on and on. It's gotten to the point where 24 hours is just too short a day. After all this stuff, I just want to sit down, get writing. After all, my stories online have become very popular among the teen crowd. I've got a dozen stories left to write for them, plus two novels that I have to work on, that I would rather do more than anything right now. And throughout all this, I'm able to watch the American Idol results show on Wednesday (can't even get to the one on Tuesday), and maybe I can read a book at night if I'm not too exhausted.
(Too exhausted to read, anyway. Apparently I'm not too exhausted to fall asleep until five hours later - and then I wake up two hours after that).
I've never felt more overwhelmed in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love doing all this stuff. I love childcare, I love doing stuff with church, I love my job, I love to write, I love to sing, and I love to perform. It's all stuff I love to do. I'd much rather be busy than have nothing to do, most of the time (nowadays I'd give anything for a day just to sit around and have nothing to do). Still...inside me, I know there's a great deal of stress that's building up from all this. I don't feel aggravated or totally whacked out, but I know that stress is in there. It's probably a big part of why I can't sleep at night, why my headaches have been getting more intense, and why my grades have been slipping (straight A's last year, straight B-minuses this year...not bad, but I can only imagine what it'll be next year).
It just blows my mind how I got this busy in the first place. I never used to have this much stuff to do. Nowadays, I've just learned to check the calendar, accept what I have, and don't think about it much. If I concentrate on something that's impossible for my mind to comprehend, I always end up bursting into tears (that's why there are saltwater stains all over my biology tests). A few nights I have thought about how I got to be this overwhelmed. I have no idea how it all started - nor do I have any idea how to lesson the load. I don't even know if I want to lesson the load. Right now, my mind's turned into a big pile of mush. I see and do - not much room to think anymore.
And everyone tells me, "You're only going to get busier once you get older."
By the time I'm twenty years old, my mother will probably update you on my funeral. "It's unfortunate...she was a beautiful, loving daughter, always doing whatever you asked of her. She was so responsible, keeping up so many duties, keeping her money in check, keeping everything in balance...it's so sad that after all this...[sniff] her head had to... [sob] explode...."
I think I want my graveyard marked with a poem: "Here lies dear Rachel / Who kept herself busy with plenty / But one day, she got carried away / And she lost her head at twenty."
Alright, I have to go - I have to take a shower, maybe get in some writing before drivers ed. After that, I have babysitting to do, so I'll be gone all day. I'll keep you updated later. :)
And, as well, everyone knows someone who's got the opposite problem: too much of a life. Check their calendar and you'll notice they probably only have a couple hours of free time (don't worry, those'll be booked up by next week).
I know people like that too. In fact, right now, I pretty much am one.
I check the calendar and I've got stuff I signed up for that I don't even remember signing up for. My mental weekly planner goes something like this: "Okay, it's Sunday morning. I'll go to church, hang around for a Target team meeting, then go home, eat, come back and babysit, then I'll stay for youth group. Monday through Friday I have school. Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays I have work - and my hours just got upped. Monday, Wednesday, and Friday I have drivers ed - whoops, I've got babysitting on Wednesday and Friday too. Then I've got music lessons and a library visit a couple towns over on Tuesday, then I have to run right back to choir practice. I also have to really start preparing for the Watseka theatre auditions in March, other theatre auditions in April, and my piano recital in May. I've also got hours worth of writing to do...."
It just goes on and on and on. It's gotten to the point where 24 hours is just too short a day. After all this stuff, I just want to sit down, get writing. After all, my stories online have become very popular among the teen crowd. I've got a dozen stories left to write for them, plus two novels that I have to work on, that I would rather do more than anything right now. And throughout all this, I'm able to watch the American Idol results show on Wednesday (can't even get to the one on Tuesday), and maybe I can read a book at night if I'm not too exhausted.
(Too exhausted to read, anyway. Apparently I'm not too exhausted to fall asleep until five hours later - and then I wake up two hours after that).
I've never felt more overwhelmed in my life.
Don't get me wrong, I love doing all this stuff. I love childcare, I love doing stuff with church, I love my job, I love to write, I love to sing, and I love to perform. It's all stuff I love to do. I'd much rather be busy than have nothing to do, most of the time (nowadays I'd give anything for a day just to sit around and have nothing to do). Still...inside me, I know there's a great deal of stress that's building up from all this. I don't feel aggravated or totally whacked out, but I know that stress is in there. It's probably a big part of why I can't sleep at night, why my headaches have been getting more intense, and why my grades have been slipping (straight A's last year, straight B-minuses this year...not bad, but I can only imagine what it'll be next year).
It just blows my mind how I got this busy in the first place. I never used to have this much stuff to do. Nowadays, I've just learned to check the calendar, accept what I have, and don't think about it much. If I concentrate on something that's impossible for my mind to comprehend, I always end up bursting into tears (that's why there are saltwater stains all over my biology tests). A few nights I have thought about how I got to be this overwhelmed. I have no idea how it all started - nor do I have any idea how to lesson the load. I don't even know if I want to lesson the load. Right now, my mind's turned into a big pile of mush. I see and do - not much room to think anymore.
And everyone tells me, "You're only going to get busier once you get older."
By the time I'm twenty years old, my mother will probably update you on my funeral. "It's unfortunate...she was a beautiful, loving daughter, always doing whatever you asked of her. She was so responsible, keeping up so many duties, keeping her money in check, keeping everything in balance...it's so sad that after all this...[sniff] her head had to... [sob] explode...."
I think I want my graveyard marked with a poem: "Here lies dear Rachel / Who kept herself busy with plenty / But one day, she got carried away / And she lost her head at twenty."
Alright, I have to go - I have to take a shower, maybe get in some writing before drivers ed. After that, I have babysitting to do, so I'll be gone all day. I'll keep you updated later. :)
Friday, January 30, 2009
Learning To Accept Myself
News is important. I like to read both the local newspaper and USA Today frequently to make sure I'm all caught up with what's going on. It surprises people at my work sometimes when I'm reading the newspaper during my lunch break. However, when it comes to random stuff and little tidbits on celebrity info, MSN.com is my place to be. One of my favorite articles is called "Celebrity Undressed" - which features different celebrities and their major fashion flubs. It's amusing to see what kind of stuff celebrities think they can get away with just because they're celebrities - especially certain ones that repeatedly make article after article. While browsing through the new update, Lindsay Lohan was featured - and I had to do a double take to make sure I wasn't seeing things wrong. It wasn't necessarily because of what she was wearing; it was her extreme thinness that struck me. It almost didn't look real. It disgusted me, really.
Which is something I'm proud to say. About this time last year, if I would've seen that picture of her, I would have thought, "I wish I were that thin."
I don't really recall how it happened in the first place, but I know it was around my 15th birthday that I started perceiving myself as fat. I was a perfectly healthy weight, but I certainly wasn't happy with it. I didn't look as good as the stick-thin celebrity girls with the amazing bods - I didn't even look as good as most of my friends. They were beautiful and thin, and they didn't even put any effort into it. Thin = beautiful. That mindset got hammered into my head.
I have always been a very logical girl. If something hasn't been proven, I stay pretty skeptical about it. I had read hundreds of stories and books about how dieting does not work, so I knew I wasn't going to go with any organized diet. I was going to go with my own. Logically, if you severely lower your calorie intake, your body has to lose weight. Even if it's only temporarily, that's the way it works. So that's what I did. Almost immediately I cut myself down to one small meal a day. Of course I was absolutely starving at first, but my willpower was pretty strong. I wanted to be thin so I was going to be thin.
(That's another thing about me, by the way - when I'm determined to do something, I do it.)
I was absolutely thrilled when, in the first 3 days, I lost 5 lbs from my efforts. That gave me all the fuel I needed to keep up my habits. I began to keep track of my caloric intake, praising myself if it was 800 and under, and criticising myself if it were over 1,000. Foods, especially desserts, became my enemy. If I accidentally ate a "bad" food, or if somebody made me eat something, I sometimes got so upset that I would hide in the bathroom and shed a few tears. I remember my parents, especially my Dad, becoming concerned about my eating patterns. I always just claimed I wasn't hungry - which, after my body got used to my eating habits, became entirely true. My stomach shrunk, and I was happy with it. Dad would tell me I "had to eat something," to which I believed in my heart that I really didn't. Whenever both parents were gone for the day, sometimes a pretzel and a box of raisins would be my only meal for the entire day.
I lost fifteen pounds in a very short amount of time, and afterwards didn't seem to lose anymore, but I didn't gain any of it back either. I still wasn't completely satisfied with my body, but I liked it better. Exercising - sometimes to the point of exhaustion - was something I did everyday. I would smile with pride as I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my ribs showing more each week, my hip bones protruding, my shoulders bony. My face took on an angular shape and for the first time in my teenage years, I really thought I was somewhat pretty. When I smiled, there was no fat around my face. It felt great. My diary is filled with pages of those days, ecstatic when I would go 24 hours without eating and enraged when I broke down and had a cookie when I told myself I wouldn't have one.
I kept it downplayed pretty well. My parents would get concerned, but my laidback, nonchalant responses kept the matter from being serious. By the time I was 5 months in, I couldn't imagine living any other way. The thought of eating 3 meals a day disgusted me. I shuddered when I thought of my old days and how "fat" I was. I still didn't think I had an "eating disorder" or "anorexia." I was just becoming "extremely healthy." I remember clearly one of my diary pages, towards the end, sealed in ink: "I'm not anorexic...at least I don't think I'm anorexic. If I am, I don't mind."
After 8 months of living with my extreme diet, I began to read all sorts of stuff about eating disorders. One book listed 14 signs of anorexia and I displayed 10 of those signs. I refused to think about it at first. I still prayed to God about other things. Don't get me wrong, I didn't reject God during those months - I simply didn't bring up my eating habits in my prayers. I knew He knew about them. I also knew He probably wasn't happy about them. For both mission trips I've been on, 1st John 1:9 has been a required memory verse: "If you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive you your sins and purify you from all unrighteousness." The very last part is the reason I refused to confess my sin (yes, I now admit that it's a sin, even though it's still hard): I didn't want to be purified from it. I liked how my body looked and I liked how I went about doing it. If I faced God with my issue, I knew He'd want me to turn away from it, and I didn't want to turn away. Simple as that.
Finally I pushed myself to confess. I knew I had to, as much as I didn't want to. Like I suspected, He convicted me to start eating more healthfully. It was hard. It was very hard. I failed quite a few times, wanting so badly to go right back to ignoring food. When I started putting weight back on, I felt so ashamed and miserable. The new fat felt so uncomfortable and so disgusting. There was no "Hallelujah, the Lord has cleansed my soul and made me see I'm beautiful!" I hated the new fat on my body. Hated it. Yet I tried my hardest to keep eating healthfully, eating 3 meals a day because it's supposed to be the right thing to do.
Nowadays, I've come a long way. I've gotten over my habits. I eat 3 meals a day and sometimes snack in between as well. I've accepted food as good for me. Still, I am only starting to accept my body. I will be 100% honest - I liked my thinner body better. I felt healthier, I looked great, my self-esteem was higher, and I felt perkier. Having the body I always wanted energized me. Now I have to revamp my mind and tell myself that I am at a healthy weight and these curves on me are beautiful. It's not easy. I don't like taking pictures as much anymore because my face and smile aren't as beautiful as they once were. Back then, I used to look in the mirror and smile at my progress. Now I find it harder to accept that I'm 130 lbs.
It's hard, but I'm just learning to accept myself. This is what's right, isn't it? Eating disorders aren't right no matter how they feel - if I did have an eating disorder. Maybe.
Just had to get that off my chest. That's all for now.
Which is something I'm proud to say. About this time last year, if I would've seen that picture of her, I would have thought, "I wish I were that thin."
I don't really recall how it happened in the first place, but I know it was around my 15th birthday that I started perceiving myself as fat. I was a perfectly healthy weight, but I certainly wasn't happy with it. I didn't look as good as the stick-thin celebrity girls with the amazing bods - I didn't even look as good as most of my friends. They were beautiful and thin, and they didn't even put any effort into it. Thin = beautiful. That mindset got hammered into my head.
I have always been a very logical girl. If something hasn't been proven, I stay pretty skeptical about it. I had read hundreds of stories and books about how dieting does not work, so I knew I wasn't going to go with any organized diet. I was going to go with my own. Logically, if you severely lower your calorie intake, your body has to lose weight. Even if it's only temporarily, that's the way it works. So that's what I did. Almost immediately I cut myself down to one small meal a day. Of course I was absolutely starving at first, but my willpower was pretty strong. I wanted to be thin so I was going to be thin.
(That's another thing about me, by the way - when I'm determined to do something, I do it.)
I was absolutely thrilled when, in the first 3 days, I lost 5 lbs from my efforts. That gave me all the fuel I needed to keep up my habits. I began to keep track of my caloric intake, praising myself if it was 800 and under, and criticising myself if it were over 1,000. Foods, especially desserts, became my enemy. If I accidentally ate a "bad" food, or if somebody made me eat something, I sometimes got so upset that I would hide in the bathroom and shed a few tears. I remember my parents, especially my Dad, becoming concerned about my eating patterns. I always just claimed I wasn't hungry - which, after my body got used to my eating habits, became entirely true. My stomach shrunk, and I was happy with it. Dad would tell me I "had to eat something," to which I believed in my heart that I really didn't. Whenever both parents were gone for the day, sometimes a pretzel and a box of raisins would be my only meal for the entire day.
I lost fifteen pounds in a very short amount of time, and afterwards didn't seem to lose anymore, but I didn't gain any of it back either. I still wasn't completely satisfied with my body, but I liked it better. Exercising - sometimes to the point of exhaustion - was something I did everyday. I would smile with pride as I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my ribs showing more each week, my hip bones protruding, my shoulders bony. My face took on an angular shape and for the first time in my teenage years, I really thought I was somewhat pretty. When I smiled, there was no fat around my face. It felt great. My diary is filled with pages of those days, ecstatic when I would go 24 hours without eating and enraged when I broke down and had a cookie when I told myself I wouldn't have one.
I kept it downplayed pretty well. My parents would get concerned, but my laidback, nonchalant responses kept the matter from being serious. By the time I was 5 months in, I couldn't imagine living any other way. The thought of eating 3 meals a day disgusted me. I shuddered when I thought of my old days and how "fat" I was. I still didn't think I had an "eating disorder" or "anorexia." I was just becoming "extremely healthy." I remember clearly one of my diary pages, towards the end, sealed in ink: "I'm not anorexic...at least I don't think I'm anorexic. If I am, I don't mind."
After 8 months of living with my extreme diet, I began to read all sorts of stuff about eating disorders. One book listed 14 signs of anorexia and I displayed 10 of those signs. I refused to think about it at first. I still prayed to God about other things. Don't get me wrong, I didn't reject God during those months - I simply didn't bring up my eating habits in my prayers. I knew He knew about them. I also knew He probably wasn't happy about them. For both mission trips I've been on, 1st John 1:9 has been a required memory verse: "If you confess your sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive you your sins and purify you from all unrighteousness." The very last part is the reason I refused to confess my sin (yes, I now admit that it's a sin, even though it's still hard): I didn't want to be purified from it. I liked how my body looked and I liked how I went about doing it. If I faced God with my issue, I knew He'd want me to turn away from it, and I didn't want to turn away. Simple as that.
Finally I pushed myself to confess. I knew I had to, as much as I didn't want to. Like I suspected, He convicted me to start eating more healthfully. It was hard. It was very hard. I failed quite a few times, wanting so badly to go right back to ignoring food. When I started putting weight back on, I felt so ashamed and miserable. The new fat felt so uncomfortable and so disgusting. There was no "Hallelujah, the Lord has cleansed my soul and made me see I'm beautiful!" I hated the new fat on my body. Hated it. Yet I tried my hardest to keep eating healthfully, eating 3 meals a day because it's supposed to be the right thing to do.
Nowadays, I've come a long way. I've gotten over my habits. I eat 3 meals a day and sometimes snack in between as well. I've accepted food as good for me. Still, I am only starting to accept my body. I will be 100% honest - I liked my thinner body better. I felt healthier, I looked great, my self-esteem was higher, and I felt perkier. Having the body I always wanted energized me. Now I have to revamp my mind and tell myself that I am at a healthy weight and these curves on me are beautiful. It's not easy. I don't like taking pictures as much anymore because my face and smile aren't as beautiful as they once were. Back then, I used to look in the mirror and smile at my progress. Now I find it harder to accept that I'm 130 lbs.
It's hard, but I'm just learning to accept myself. This is what's right, isn't it? Eating disorders aren't right no matter how they feel - if I did have an eating disorder. Maybe.
Just had to get that off my chest. That's all for now.
Monday, December 22, 2008
How To Survive - And Win - A Debate Against Christianity
First let me say, I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while. My mind's been focused on so many other things that I haven't come up with anything to write here. But now I have, which is the reason for this post. So please read on.
Have you ever been challenged about your faith? Has an atheist or an agnostic ever asked you to prove God? What did you do? Did you blush, step back, and stammer, "I-I don't know, it's just what I believe"? Or did you have a comeback for them? Unfortunately most of the people I know respond the first way. This is not a good testimony to your Christian faith. This tells people, "Christians just believe blindly" which we should not be accused of.
Online I have been in quite a few debates like that. And you know what? Someone challenges my Christianity and I answer their argument. I believe what I believe and I can back it up. You know what happens? Most of the time they don't expect this and they either don't talk to me again or they insult me and say something like, "There is no God!" but it's only because I've just insulted their intelligence. I gave good evidence supporting my Christianity and they don't have any evidence that they're prepared with to fight back. So they insult me and decide to ignore my statement. I don't care. I've made my point. I've done my job. It's not my fault they can't answer back.
Occasionally, though, I get those that continue to debate with me, answering my argument with an argument of their own, to which I will proceed to counteract their argument.
I'm telling you right now, when you become a true Christian, whether you are a teenager or a Christian parent trying to teach your kids about God, you need to know how to defend your Christianity. You need to know how to survive a debate against your Christianity and defend yourself until there is nowhere else to go - and usually for me this happens on the challenger's side. If you do not know how to defend your Christianity, you are giving Christianity a bad name. Christians should not be ignorant bashful people who have blind faith.
So how do you survive and win a debate against Christianity? Here are some steps:
#1 - Know God's Word.
By this, I do not mean "know the major stories." People are not going to challenge you on David, or Joseph, or Samson, or Abraham. You should know these stories, mind you, but they will not help in a debate. They help after the person has become a Christian and they can see the faith of God's chosen in the old days. Read the Bible thoroughly and memorize certain scriptures, or at least the general area where they are and what they say. People will likely ask you things like, "God created gay people, so why is He opposed to them?", "Where in the Bible does it mention abortion?", and "How could a loving God send good people to hell?" These are scriptural questions. You need to have scripture to back them up. For example, for the first question, Romans 1:26-27 says that God gave the people over to their "shameful lusts", that man lied with man and were "punished for their perversion." Obviously this states God did not create gay people. Homosexuality is a sin and God did not create humans to sin. Humans sinned on their own. You should know the general area of this and what it says. You should also use some common sense. The word "abortion" is not used anywhere in the Bible. However, in Psalm 139, David talks about how God had a plan for him even while he was in the womb, how he was "fearfully and wonderfully made." If God has purposes for us all and we are "fearfully and wonderfully made," He obviously is pro-life. So know the scriptures. Memorize spots where you're pretty sure people will challenge you. Common areas are homosexuality, abortion, and the justice of God (ex. "How could a loving God do...").
#2 - Know Your Logical, Historical, And Scientific Evidence.
Knowing the Bible is essential for debate - but unfortunately, you need more than just that to defend yourself. 98% of all agnostics (and 100% of atheists) believe the Word of God is just a book of holes anyway - Scriptures are essential for when they ask what God thinks about a certain subject. When they say the Bible is full of holes, guess what? You need logical evidence, historical evidence, and scientific evidence to back up that it is, in fact, the Holy Word of God and it is to be trusted. You need to know why abortion is wrong other than "God doesn't like it." You need to back up Intelligent Design. You do this by finding out the good points of your argument, and the flaws in your opponents argument. You also need to know what areas they will challenge you on your argument. For example, "A fetus is part of a woman's body, so she has a right to get rid of it." You need to know what to say to that. Use logic. Use historical evidence. Use scientific evidence. Once you back up your point, those who will continue to debate with you are logically-minded and will oppose you using science. I'm telling you this is true, so you need to know how to back yourself up with science and logic. Study it. Know why your beliefs are true and know how to counteract your opponent's argument.
Note: This is ESSENTIAL when people ask you to "prove God." They're smug, because they know you cannot scientifically prove God. However, when you come back and ask them to scientifically prove Abraham Lincoln, they'll realize there are some things that do or did exist that they cannot prove scientifically. You read in history books about Abraham Lincoln, you hear eye-witnesses through generations, etc, and you know Abraham Lincoln existed. It's the same thing with Jesus Christ, and with those who experienced the power of God.
#3 - Leave Personal Attacks Out.
As a Christian, you need to expect people to attack you personally for your beliefs. If you say you believe homosexuality is a sin, expect people to call you the nastiest of names and start cussing you out and claiming you to be hateful. To this, you respond with your Biblical, historical, scientific, and logical evidence and thinking. You do not respond with personal attacks. No insults. Never, ever, ever respond in anything similar to this: "My faith is blind? Are you atheists too stupid to listen? Evidence is all around you, morons. If you don't know what you're talking about, just shut up and don't say anything." Subconsciously, they want you to do this. They're waiting for you to slip. They're looking for you to argue on their level. If they insult you, it's usually because they do not have the resources to argue back. Make sure you stay the intelligent one. Personal attacks are one of the worst testimonies to Christianity. Avoid it.
#4 - Study Your Opponent's Argument Carefully.
Most of the ones who continue to debate with you are not dumb people. They're lost people, but they're not dumb. They're very smart people and they've studied their argument well. They know their biology, they know their history, and they know how to ask questions. They will counteract your argument with valid logical points. Listen to their argument carefully and answer accordingly. Don't answer with a point that's not in the argument, and if possible, try to answer every major point they give. If you do not know something at the time and you are debating face to face, simply say, "I don't know that level of science (or whatever), but if you give me time, I will study on it and see if I can find that your point is absolutely correct." Then study it - you will usually find something you can counteract it with. Keep it in mind for your next debate. If you do not know something and you're online, research it before you answer.
#5 - Look For A Debate.
Practice makes perfect. If you study all this stuff and you only save it for when someone someday decides to walk up to you and challenge you, guess what? You might not remember half of it when that day comes. It's good to rehearse these situations in your mind, but even better than that, once you have your evidence, purposely look for a debate. This is not the same as "looking for a fight." You're not doing this to be offensive and to cause someone to be angry. Go online and find websites with forums where people can state their opinions. If someone states their points on why abortion is a good thing for women to do, answer them with your points. If someone says, "I don't believe in God, prove God exists," answer them. This is not looking for a fight, this is defending your faith. This is standing up for your God. This is telling the world, "I am a Christian and I am not ashamed of it. I am bold, I am brave, and I am ready for anything you want to throw at me. Go ahead - I'll throw it right back." Here's a Dodgeball analogy (I love to use analogies, and you should too, they help emphasize your point and put it in terms that are easier to understand): when your opposer chucks the ball at you, you're not going to cower and duck from it, neither are you going to get hit without any way to protect yourself. Instead you will catch it and you will chuck it back at them, whether they're ready or not. More likely than not, you'll hit them unprotected.
So here are some points to help you defend your faith. I hope you will never be accused of having blind faith. In fact, your opposer may even compliment you - a few of the people I have debated with have told me I am a very intelligent young woman and that I should never stop researching and asking questions.
So are you ready for your opposition?
Have you ever been challenged about your faith? Has an atheist or an agnostic ever asked you to prove God? What did you do? Did you blush, step back, and stammer, "I-I don't know, it's just what I believe"? Or did you have a comeback for them? Unfortunately most of the people I know respond the first way. This is not a good testimony to your Christian faith. This tells people, "Christians just believe blindly" which we should not be accused of.
Online I have been in quite a few debates like that. And you know what? Someone challenges my Christianity and I answer their argument. I believe what I believe and I can back it up. You know what happens? Most of the time they don't expect this and they either don't talk to me again or they insult me and say something like, "There is no God!" but it's only because I've just insulted their intelligence. I gave good evidence supporting my Christianity and they don't have any evidence that they're prepared with to fight back. So they insult me and decide to ignore my statement. I don't care. I've made my point. I've done my job. It's not my fault they can't answer back.
Occasionally, though, I get those that continue to debate with me, answering my argument with an argument of their own, to which I will proceed to counteract their argument.
I'm telling you right now, when you become a true Christian, whether you are a teenager or a Christian parent trying to teach your kids about God, you need to know how to defend your Christianity. You need to know how to survive a debate against your Christianity and defend yourself until there is nowhere else to go - and usually for me this happens on the challenger's side. If you do not know how to defend your Christianity, you are giving Christianity a bad name. Christians should not be ignorant bashful people who have blind faith.
So how do you survive and win a debate against Christianity? Here are some steps:
#1 - Know God's Word.
By this, I do not mean "know the major stories." People are not going to challenge you on David, or Joseph, or Samson, or Abraham. You should know these stories, mind you, but they will not help in a debate. They help after the person has become a Christian and they can see the faith of God's chosen in the old days. Read the Bible thoroughly and memorize certain scriptures, or at least the general area where they are and what they say. People will likely ask you things like, "God created gay people, so why is He opposed to them?", "Where in the Bible does it mention abortion?", and "How could a loving God send good people to hell?" These are scriptural questions. You need to have scripture to back them up. For example, for the first question, Romans 1:26-27 says that God gave the people over to their "shameful lusts", that man lied with man and were "punished for their perversion." Obviously this states God did not create gay people. Homosexuality is a sin and God did not create humans to sin. Humans sinned on their own. You should know the general area of this and what it says. You should also use some common sense. The word "abortion" is not used anywhere in the Bible. However, in Psalm 139, David talks about how God had a plan for him even while he was in the womb, how he was "fearfully and wonderfully made." If God has purposes for us all and we are "fearfully and wonderfully made," He obviously is pro-life. So know the scriptures. Memorize spots where you're pretty sure people will challenge you. Common areas are homosexuality, abortion, and the justice of God (ex. "How could a loving God do...").
#2 - Know Your Logical, Historical, And Scientific Evidence.
Knowing the Bible is essential for debate - but unfortunately, you need more than just that to defend yourself. 98% of all agnostics (and 100% of atheists) believe the Word of God is just a book of holes anyway - Scriptures are essential for when they ask what God thinks about a certain subject. When they say the Bible is full of holes, guess what? You need logical evidence, historical evidence, and scientific evidence to back up that it is, in fact, the Holy Word of God and it is to be trusted. You need to know why abortion is wrong other than "God doesn't like it." You need to back up Intelligent Design. You do this by finding out the good points of your argument, and the flaws in your opponents argument. You also need to know what areas they will challenge you on your argument. For example, "A fetus is part of a woman's body, so she has a right to get rid of it." You need to know what to say to that. Use logic. Use historical evidence. Use scientific evidence. Once you back up your point, those who will continue to debate with you are logically-minded and will oppose you using science. I'm telling you this is true, so you need to know how to back yourself up with science and logic. Study it. Know why your beliefs are true and know how to counteract your opponent's argument.
Note: This is ESSENTIAL when people ask you to "prove God." They're smug, because they know you cannot scientifically prove God. However, when you come back and ask them to scientifically prove Abraham Lincoln, they'll realize there are some things that do or did exist that they cannot prove scientifically. You read in history books about Abraham Lincoln, you hear eye-witnesses through generations, etc, and you know Abraham Lincoln existed. It's the same thing with Jesus Christ, and with those who experienced the power of God.
#3 - Leave Personal Attacks Out.
As a Christian, you need to expect people to attack you personally for your beliefs. If you say you believe homosexuality is a sin, expect people to call you the nastiest of names and start cussing you out and claiming you to be hateful. To this, you respond with your Biblical, historical, scientific, and logical evidence and thinking. You do not respond with personal attacks. No insults. Never, ever, ever respond in anything similar to this: "My faith is blind? Are you atheists too stupid to listen? Evidence is all around you, morons. If you don't know what you're talking about, just shut up and don't say anything." Subconsciously, they want you to do this. They're waiting for you to slip. They're looking for you to argue on their level. If they insult you, it's usually because they do not have the resources to argue back. Make sure you stay the intelligent one. Personal attacks are one of the worst testimonies to Christianity. Avoid it.
#4 - Study Your Opponent's Argument Carefully.
Most of the ones who continue to debate with you are not dumb people. They're lost people, but they're not dumb. They're very smart people and they've studied their argument well. They know their biology, they know their history, and they know how to ask questions. They will counteract your argument with valid logical points. Listen to their argument carefully and answer accordingly. Don't answer with a point that's not in the argument, and if possible, try to answer every major point they give. If you do not know something at the time and you are debating face to face, simply say, "I don't know that level of science (or whatever), but if you give me time, I will study on it and see if I can find that your point is absolutely correct." Then study it - you will usually find something you can counteract it with. Keep it in mind for your next debate. If you do not know something and you're online, research it before you answer.
#5 - Look For A Debate.
Practice makes perfect. If you study all this stuff and you only save it for when someone someday decides to walk up to you and challenge you, guess what? You might not remember half of it when that day comes. It's good to rehearse these situations in your mind, but even better than that, once you have your evidence, purposely look for a debate. This is not the same as "looking for a fight." You're not doing this to be offensive and to cause someone to be angry. Go online and find websites with forums where people can state their opinions. If someone states their points on why abortion is a good thing for women to do, answer them with your points. If someone says, "I don't believe in God, prove God exists," answer them. This is not looking for a fight, this is defending your faith. This is standing up for your God. This is telling the world, "I am a Christian and I am not ashamed of it. I am bold, I am brave, and I am ready for anything you want to throw at me. Go ahead - I'll throw it right back." Here's a Dodgeball analogy (I love to use analogies, and you should too, they help emphasize your point and put it in terms that are easier to understand): when your opposer chucks the ball at you, you're not going to cower and duck from it, neither are you going to get hit without any way to protect yourself. Instead you will catch it and you will chuck it back at them, whether they're ready or not. More likely than not, you'll hit them unprotected.
So here are some points to help you defend your faith. I hope you will never be accused of having blind faith. In fact, your opposer may even compliment you - a few of the people I have debated with have told me I am a very intelligent young woman and that I should never stop researching and asking questions.
So are you ready for your opposition?
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
A question...any advice?
I'm not really stuck in a bad situation. In fact, I'm rather content with the way things are right now. Works well for me. But I need some insight on this situation, just to make sure there's nothing iffy about it. Opinions are welcome.
Situation - my guy friend has recently been "bitten by the lovebug" for a girl at his school. I'm excited and happy for him - he is a very Godly gentleman who has kept himself pure, and it looks like he's picked out a very nice girl. However, I happen to be his best friend - and of course I'm a female. I'm 110% happy being his best friend - he trusts me the most with his secrets and feels comfortable talking to me about anything - including the girl he likes. I'm #1 on his MySpace list.
My question is, is this alright? He just asked this girl out, but I know he's not going to drop his friendship with me because that's all he sees me as - and vice versa. Do I need to back off for this girl? I don't flirt or anything, but how do things work when a guy has a girlfriend and a best friend who's also a girl?
Situation - my guy friend has recently been "bitten by the lovebug" for a girl at his school. I'm excited and happy for him - he is a very Godly gentleman who has kept himself pure, and it looks like he's picked out a very nice girl. However, I happen to be his best friend - and of course I'm a female. I'm 110% happy being his best friend - he trusts me the most with his secrets and feels comfortable talking to me about anything - including the girl he likes. I'm #1 on his MySpace list.
My question is, is this alright? He just asked this girl out, but I know he's not going to drop his friendship with me because that's all he sees me as - and vice versa. Do I need to back off for this girl? I don't flirt or anything, but how do things work when a guy has a girlfriend and a best friend who's also a girl?
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Sweet 16
This time in my life has been much anticipated for several years - the day I became 16 years old. (Which will officially occur on the 3rd). When I was little, I'd dream about how I'd look at age 16, and really I'd fantasize about it. The main thing was, at age 16 you were entitled to become pretty. It was just a given. When you turn 16, you're beautiful.
As I got older, the advantages that were promised for my 16th birthday excited me the most. At 16, you can drive (which I can only drive with a permit right now, but I can drive). I could also start wearing makeup, something I wished so badly I could do when I was 13, and nowadays I usually just apply some mascara and lip gloss and I'm good to go.
The biggest thing, though, was the fact that I could date at age 16. At age 11, it felt way too far away. Dating was my biggest focus. In all honesty, I was probably obsessed with it. It consumed my mind all the time. It led me to *almost* do some really stupid things, an example being where I nearly gave my first kiss away at age 12. (Today, I personally think 12 is way too young to be kissing).
I'm proud of myself right now, though. In two days, at 9:07pm, I'm going to pump my fists in the air and shriek, "Sweet 16 and never been kissed!" Because for me, it is an accomplishment. In a world where dating begins in kindergarten, kissing begins at 12, and the entire virginity is lost at 16, the fact that I am pure in every sense of the word is a big deal to me. It means I walked against the wind. I faced all the world's attacks and I won. The temptation was strong. I had the opportunity to date boys behind my parents' backs. If I really set my mind to it, I could've kissed a boy before now. But my parents said no dating until age 16, and I have not dated nor done anything else (kissing, cuddling, even holding hands) before then. I am completely pure. I am Sweet 16 and I have never been kissed and that sets me apart from most of the teenage world.
In all honesty, I'm not even sure I'm going to be kissed this year, and that's fine. It's not a meaningless thing that you just give away because you're allowed to now. I'll give it away when I know the time is right, whenever that is. I am a symbol of purity and I will be treated as such. I will not let someone steal it, nor will I give it away foolishly.
Anyhow, now that my thoughts on Sweet 16 are done, I'll give a brief overview of my Sweet 16th party, which I celebrated today. To say it was the best birthday party in my entire life is an understatement. It was absolutely incredible.
After waking up waaay late (I'm wondering if my parents let me sleep in or if they just forgot), taking a shower, and having a driving lesson with Dad, we started putting up the decorations. Because Sweet 16 is a big deal to me and it only comes around once, we went all out. We had balloons, streamers, banners, confetti, little spiral things that hang from the ceiling...the works. We completed it at the last minute - literally. Two minutes after we finished, the doorbell rang. I'd invited four of my closest friends, Beau, Katie, Porsha, and Lauren. Lauren called last minute to say she couldn't make it, but everything turned out alright.
When my friends arrived, I had my iHome playing music (mostly from all the different musicals I have on my iPod), and my friends and I had some cool conversations while we ate some of the candy we way overstocked on for Halloween. At 5:30, Mom called us in for dinner (she slaved away for almost 2 hours making the meal, because of course she's the best Mom ever... and you can't have her). She made baked pasta with cheese, fettucini, foccacia, French bread, salad...yummy. We had some nice conversations about what we wanted to do after we graduated, bad hotel experiences, and old Chinese torture methods over dinner. (Don't ask). Then Mom served the creampuffs - my favorite dessert which I only get on my birthday - and everyone sang Happy Birthday despite my protests. Still, I was so happy that I blew out the candle and forgot to make a wish. I guess I didn't need to.
Then some family friends stopped over and we talked with them for a little while. It was nice to see them. Then my friends and I all gathered in the living room to play the board game "Nightmare." You probably have never heard of this game - there's nothing like it. There is an interactive video you play with the board game. As the title of the game suggests, it's a game that's meant to scare the living pinfeathers out of you, which is what makes it so fun. You turn the lights down and the volume up, and you play the game with "the Gatekeeper," who appears randomly with a roll of thunder and plays his games with you. Your goal is to play in a certain way to not only beat your opponents, but to beat the Gatekeeper as well.
"Nightmare" was the highlight of the evening. The first time the Gatekeeper interrupted the clock and yelled, "STOP!", my friends and I all screamed, even Beau. We could not stop laughing and trembling through the rest of the game, jumping every time the Gatekeeper appeared. After the hour-long game was finished, the first thing Katie said was, "We need to take this on our next youth group retreat!" She even asked to borrow it sometime soon so her family could play it. It was incredible. We all had a blast.
After I opened presents and we took a few pictures, it was time for everyone to head home - and nobody wanted to leave. Unfortunately it was dark and time to get home, so I hugged them all goodbye and they left, still laughing about the "Nightmare" game.
So, my Sweet 16th party turned out better than I ever hoped it would. I'm not a fan of those big "invite everybody in the neighborhood" parties because my experience is, someone always gets left out and that person was usually me at those parties. So I wanted something small so we could be more intimate and personal, but still fun, and this was everything I wanted. It was amazing.
Thank You, God, for this amazing day. Thank You for letting me experience everything, and thank You for letting me stay pure this long. May I always live purely, and may I shine for You each and every day.
As I got older, the advantages that were promised for my 16th birthday excited me the most. At 16, you can drive (which I can only drive with a permit right now, but I can drive). I could also start wearing makeup, something I wished so badly I could do when I was 13, and nowadays I usually just apply some mascara and lip gloss and I'm good to go.
The biggest thing, though, was the fact that I could date at age 16. At age 11, it felt way too far away. Dating was my biggest focus. In all honesty, I was probably obsessed with it. It consumed my mind all the time. It led me to *almost* do some really stupid things, an example being where I nearly gave my first kiss away at age 12. (Today, I personally think 12 is way too young to be kissing).
I'm proud of myself right now, though. In two days, at 9:07pm, I'm going to pump my fists in the air and shriek, "Sweet 16 and never been kissed!" Because for me, it is an accomplishment. In a world where dating begins in kindergarten, kissing begins at 12, and the entire virginity is lost at 16, the fact that I am pure in every sense of the word is a big deal to me. It means I walked against the wind. I faced all the world's attacks and I won. The temptation was strong. I had the opportunity to date boys behind my parents' backs. If I really set my mind to it, I could've kissed a boy before now. But my parents said no dating until age 16, and I have not dated nor done anything else (kissing, cuddling, even holding hands) before then. I am completely pure. I am Sweet 16 and I have never been kissed and that sets me apart from most of the teenage world.
In all honesty, I'm not even sure I'm going to be kissed this year, and that's fine. It's not a meaningless thing that you just give away because you're allowed to now. I'll give it away when I know the time is right, whenever that is. I am a symbol of purity and I will be treated as such. I will not let someone steal it, nor will I give it away foolishly.
Anyhow, now that my thoughts on Sweet 16 are done, I'll give a brief overview of my Sweet 16th party, which I celebrated today. To say it was the best birthday party in my entire life is an understatement. It was absolutely incredible.
After waking up waaay late (I'm wondering if my parents let me sleep in or if they just forgot), taking a shower, and having a driving lesson with Dad, we started putting up the decorations. Because Sweet 16 is a big deal to me and it only comes around once, we went all out. We had balloons, streamers, banners, confetti, little spiral things that hang from the ceiling...the works. We completed it at the last minute - literally. Two minutes after we finished, the doorbell rang. I'd invited four of my closest friends, Beau, Katie, Porsha, and Lauren. Lauren called last minute to say she couldn't make it, but everything turned out alright.
When my friends arrived, I had my iHome playing music (mostly from all the different musicals I have on my iPod), and my friends and I had some cool conversations while we ate some of the candy we way overstocked on for Halloween. At 5:30, Mom called us in for dinner (she slaved away for almost 2 hours making the meal, because of course she's the best Mom ever... and you can't have her). She made baked pasta with cheese, fettucini, foccacia, French bread, salad...yummy. We had some nice conversations about what we wanted to do after we graduated, bad hotel experiences, and old Chinese torture methods over dinner. (Don't ask). Then Mom served the creampuffs - my favorite dessert which I only get on my birthday - and everyone sang Happy Birthday despite my protests. Still, I was so happy that I blew out the candle and forgot to make a wish. I guess I didn't need to.
Then some family friends stopped over and we talked with them for a little while. It was nice to see them. Then my friends and I all gathered in the living room to play the board game "Nightmare." You probably have never heard of this game - there's nothing like it. There is an interactive video you play with the board game. As the title of the game suggests, it's a game that's meant to scare the living pinfeathers out of you, which is what makes it so fun. You turn the lights down and the volume up, and you play the game with "the Gatekeeper," who appears randomly with a roll of thunder and plays his games with you. Your goal is to play in a certain way to not only beat your opponents, but to beat the Gatekeeper as well.
"Nightmare" was the highlight of the evening. The first time the Gatekeeper interrupted the clock and yelled, "STOP!", my friends and I all screamed, even Beau. We could not stop laughing and trembling through the rest of the game, jumping every time the Gatekeeper appeared. After the hour-long game was finished, the first thing Katie said was, "We need to take this on our next youth group retreat!" She even asked to borrow it sometime soon so her family could play it. It was incredible. We all had a blast.
After I opened presents and we took a few pictures, it was time for everyone to head home - and nobody wanted to leave. Unfortunately it was dark and time to get home, so I hugged them all goodbye and they left, still laughing about the "Nightmare" game.
So, my Sweet 16th party turned out better than I ever hoped it would. I'm not a fan of those big "invite everybody in the neighborhood" parties because my experience is, someone always gets left out and that person was usually me at those parties. So I wanted something small so we could be more intimate and personal, but still fun, and this was everything I wanted. It was amazing.
Thank You, God, for this amazing day. Thank You for letting me experience everything, and thank You for letting me stay pure this long. May I always live purely, and may I shine for You each and every day.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Hidden addiction
Last Sunday was a great day. My youth group (called Refuge) had their official "kick off" ceremony (even though we'd started up a few weeks before). They decided to theme it after the Olympics. It was great. We split off into teams, created flags, and named our own countries/people (my team was named the "Peculiars"..I came up with it myself). We shot basketballs, had a "suck-the-jello-out-of-a-bottle" contest, matching up Bible verses and completing a jigsaw Bible verse puzzle, a wild variation of volleyball, and an obstacle course, to name a few "events". (My youth group always comes up with uber-crazy activities to do...but that's okay, most of the kids at my youth group are uber-crazy themselves). Afterwards we cooked hot dogs by a fire, went for hayrides, even had a ceremonial couch-burning (it was an old couch). It was an exciting day for me.
However, I'd noticed a guy friend of mine looking pretty down. He tried to hide it, but frequently he would just stare off into space and misery would cloud over his face. Seeing as he's a pretty laidback carefree guy, I only assumed one thing: something happened between he and his girlfriend.
It really made me feel upset too. Somehow his hurt transferred over to me. I asked him a couple times if he was okay and he said yes. I decided not to push it beyond that. Guys don't typically like to talk about emotions, and he's the kind where, once he decides he's not going to tell you, you'd have better luck getting an answer from a brick wall. He keeps himself very closed, which drives me nuts because I love to help people. Compassion is one of my gifts. When other people hurt, I hurt, and it stays until I know they feel better. Almost every one of my friends comes to me when they have to talk about something deep (both girls and guys alike). They know I listen well and give the best advice (which is the result of God speaking through me, not me speaking through myself...sometimes I don't even remember the advice I gave them, yet it made their entire day). They know I care and I don't listen to secrets just so I have the knowledge. If a secret needs to be kept, they know I will keep it. I have established that kind of a reputation.
However, I am still guilty of indulging in something most teen girls (and even older women) are addicted to. It's not alcohol. It's not drugs. It's not cigarettes. It's not sex.
It's gossip.
Now you may think that clashes with my statement up there, but there are actually 3 kinds of gossips: the ones who spread it, the ones who listen to it, and the ones who do both. I happen to be guilty of being the second kind of gossip, the one who doesn't spread it and doesn't tell other people's secrets, but definitely wants to know what they are.
This treads a fine line with me because I don't like to hear gossip to "be in the know," per se. I really do want to help people, and if I understand what's going on about them better, then I can help them better. If I know what's really wrong with my guy friend, then I can sympathize and talk to him about it. I can really be there for him. I can really understand him.
It's still wrong though. The book of Proverbs hammers this in several chapters. "A gossip spreads secrets." "A gossip's words are like choice morsels: they go down to a man's inmost parts." "A gossip cannot be trusted." It doesn't say, "Gossip is okay if you mean to help the other person." I have to constantly remind myself that, if the person wants me to help them, they will come to me and tell me what's going on. I do not need to be learning from another source.
Last Sunday was great...until the hayride. I was squeezed between another guy friend and a girl who's a notorious gossip. My depressed guy friend was sitting about five or six people away, staring into the distance. I could see my other guy friend and the girl next to me staring at him. I knew they would say something.
And they did. Immediately secrets I'd never heard before came pouring out. Conflicts. Set ups. Jealousy. I heard it all. At first, I thought, "Oh, how horrible. No wonder he's upset. Now i get it." But as the talk continued, this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach appeared. Suddenly I began to feel miserable. I began to feel embarrassed. I began to feel guilty. The voice in my soul urged me, "Speak up now. Speak up now." The voice was so strong. I opened my mouth...
..and then closed it again. I let them talk. I kept listening. I felt defeated, but I still didn't speak up. Finally someone else asked what they were talking about. My guy friend said, "Oh, just gossiping." My voice came out weak as I said, "Which we should probably stop." My friend and the other girl agreed, but by then, it was too late. I'd pretty much heard the entire story. I wish so bad that I would've spoken up. I remember glancing at my guy friend, the topic of the gossip, as secrets were being spilled about him. He was still looking away. Now I can only imagine how he would've felt if he'd heard everything that was said about him behind his back - and how I, his friend, did not speak up for him.
Since that moment, I have prayed for God's forgiveness and for His help to stand up next time. I know that I have no problem with spreading gossip, but I have a horrible addiction to listening to it. It's wrong. It's just as bad an addiction as alcohol or drugs - only with alcohol and drugs, you're mostly destroying yourself. With gossip, you're mostly destroying other people. You're using words that they didn't give you permission to use about them. You're taking their secrets and "confiding" in other people just to show what you know. There's a Proverb that goes, "A gossip separates close friends." That goes for both the spreader and the listener. If you do not stand up for your friend while they are being gossiped about, what kind of friend are you? You're just as much a backstabber as the spreader.
Dear Lord, may the guilt I felt on Sunday always be a reminder to not associate with gossip. I will never forget how guilty and how terrible I felt after listening to all of that, and I know that the Holy Spirit was working in me that day. Please let me stand up for my friends and put a stop to gossip before it reaches my ears. Let me not listen to anything I should not be listening to. Help me to be trustworthy. Help me to be the greatest friend I can be. Help me not to engage in gossip.
Amen.
However, I'd noticed a guy friend of mine looking pretty down. He tried to hide it, but frequently he would just stare off into space and misery would cloud over his face. Seeing as he's a pretty laidback carefree guy, I only assumed one thing: something happened between he and his girlfriend.
It really made me feel upset too. Somehow his hurt transferred over to me. I asked him a couple times if he was okay and he said yes. I decided not to push it beyond that. Guys don't typically like to talk about emotions, and he's the kind where, once he decides he's not going to tell you, you'd have better luck getting an answer from a brick wall. He keeps himself very closed, which drives me nuts because I love to help people. Compassion is one of my gifts. When other people hurt, I hurt, and it stays until I know they feel better. Almost every one of my friends comes to me when they have to talk about something deep (both girls and guys alike). They know I listen well and give the best advice (which is the result of God speaking through me, not me speaking through myself...sometimes I don't even remember the advice I gave them, yet it made their entire day). They know I care and I don't listen to secrets just so I have the knowledge. If a secret needs to be kept, they know I will keep it. I have established that kind of a reputation.
However, I am still guilty of indulging in something most teen girls (and even older women) are addicted to. It's not alcohol. It's not drugs. It's not cigarettes. It's not sex.
It's gossip.
Now you may think that clashes with my statement up there, but there are actually 3 kinds of gossips: the ones who spread it, the ones who listen to it, and the ones who do both. I happen to be guilty of being the second kind of gossip, the one who doesn't spread it and doesn't tell other people's secrets, but definitely wants to know what they are.
This treads a fine line with me because I don't like to hear gossip to "be in the know," per se. I really do want to help people, and if I understand what's going on about them better, then I can help them better. If I know what's really wrong with my guy friend, then I can sympathize and talk to him about it. I can really be there for him. I can really understand him.
It's still wrong though. The book of Proverbs hammers this in several chapters. "A gossip spreads secrets." "A gossip's words are like choice morsels: they go down to a man's inmost parts." "A gossip cannot be trusted." It doesn't say, "Gossip is okay if you mean to help the other person." I have to constantly remind myself that, if the person wants me to help them, they will come to me and tell me what's going on. I do not need to be learning from another source.
Last Sunday was great...until the hayride. I was squeezed between another guy friend and a girl who's a notorious gossip. My depressed guy friend was sitting about five or six people away, staring into the distance. I could see my other guy friend and the girl next to me staring at him. I knew they would say something.
And they did. Immediately secrets I'd never heard before came pouring out. Conflicts. Set ups. Jealousy. I heard it all. At first, I thought, "Oh, how horrible. No wonder he's upset. Now i get it." But as the talk continued, this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach appeared. Suddenly I began to feel miserable. I began to feel embarrassed. I began to feel guilty. The voice in my soul urged me, "Speak up now. Speak up now." The voice was so strong. I opened my mouth...
..and then closed it again. I let them talk. I kept listening. I felt defeated, but I still didn't speak up. Finally someone else asked what they were talking about. My guy friend said, "Oh, just gossiping." My voice came out weak as I said, "Which we should probably stop." My friend and the other girl agreed, but by then, it was too late. I'd pretty much heard the entire story. I wish so bad that I would've spoken up. I remember glancing at my guy friend, the topic of the gossip, as secrets were being spilled about him. He was still looking away. Now I can only imagine how he would've felt if he'd heard everything that was said about him behind his back - and how I, his friend, did not speak up for him.
Since that moment, I have prayed for God's forgiveness and for His help to stand up next time. I know that I have no problem with spreading gossip, but I have a horrible addiction to listening to it. It's wrong. It's just as bad an addiction as alcohol or drugs - only with alcohol and drugs, you're mostly destroying yourself. With gossip, you're mostly destroying other people. You're using words that they didn't give you permission to use about them. You're taking their secrets and "confiding" in other people just to show what you know. There's a Proverb that goes, "A gossip separates close friends." That goes for both the spreader and the listener. If you do not stand up for your friend while they are being gossiped about, what kind of friend are you? You're just as much a backstabber as the spreader.
Dear Lord, may the guilt I felt on Sunday always be a reminder to not associate with gossip. I will never forget how guilty and how terrible I felt after listening to all of that, and I know that the Holy Spirit was working in me that day. Please let me stand up for my friends and put a stop to gossip before it reaches my ears. Let me not listen to anything I should not be listening to. Help me to be trustworthy. Help me to be the greatest friend I can be. Help me not to engage in gossip.
Amen.
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