Hidden addiction

Last Sunday was a great day. My youth group (called Refuge) had their official "kick off" ceremony (even though we'd started up a few weeks before). They decided to theme it after the Olympics. It was great. We split off into teams, created flags, and named our own countries/people (my team was named the "Peculiars"..I came up with it myself). We shot basketballs, had a "suck-the-jello-out-of-a-bottle" contest, matching up Bible verses and completing a jigsaw Bible verse puzzle, a wild variation of volleyball, and an obstacle course, to name a few "events". (My youth group always comes up with uber-crazy activities to do...but that's okay, most of the kids at my youth group are uber-crazy themselves). Afterwards we cooked hot dogs by a fire, went for hayrides, even had a ceremonial couch-burning (it was an old couch). It was an exciting day for me.

However, I'd noticed a guy friend of mine looking pretty down. He tried to hide it, but frequently he would just stare off into space and misery would cloud over his face. Seeing as he's a pretty laidback carefree guy, I only assumed one thing: something happened between he and his girlfriend.

It really made me feel upset too. Somehow his hurt transferred over to me. I asked him a couple times if he was okay and he said yes. I decided not to push it beyond that. Guys don't typically like to talk about emotions, and he's the kind where, once he decides he's not going to tell you, you'd have better luck getting an answer from a brick wall. He keeps himself very closed, which drives me nuts because I love to help people. Compassion is one of my gifts. When other people hurt, I hurt, and it stays until I know they feel better. Almost every one of my friends comes to me when they have to talk about something deep (both girls and guys alike). They know I listen well and give the best advice (which is the result of God speaking through me, not me speaking through myself...sometimes I don't even remember the advice I gave them, yet it made their entire day). They know I care and I don't listen to secrets just so I have the knowledge. If a secret needs to be kept, they know I will keep it. I have established that kind of a reputation.

However, I am still guilty of indulging in something most teen girls (and even older women) are addicted to. It's not alcohol. It's not drugs. It's not cigarettes. It's not sex.

It's gossip.

Now you may think that clashes with my statement up there, but there are actually 3 kinds of gossips: the ones who spread it, the ones who listen to it, and the ones who do both. I happen to be guilty of being the second kind of gossip, the one who doesn't spread it and doesn't tell other people's secrets, but definitely wants to know what they are.

This treads a fine line with me because I don't like to hear gossip to "be in the know," per se. I really do want to help people, and if I understand what's going on about them better, then I can help them better. If I know what's really wrong with my guy friend, then I can sympathize and talk to him about it. I can really be there for him. I can really understand him.

It's still wrong though. The book of Proverbs hammers this in several chapters. "A gossip spreads secrets." "A gossip's words are like choice morsels: they go down to a man's inmost parts." "A gossip cannot be trusted." It doesn't say, "Gossip is okay if you mean to help the other person." I have to constantly remind myself that, if the person wants me to help them, they will come to me and tell me what's going on. I do not need to be learning from another source.

Last Sunday was great...until the hayride. I was squeezed between another guy friend and a girl who's a notorious gossip. My depressed guy friend was sitting about five or six people away, staring into the distance. I could see my other guy friend and the girl next to me staring at him. I knew they would say something.

And they did. Immediately secrets I'd never heard before came pouring out. Conflicts. Set ups. Jealousy. I heard it all. At first, I thought, "Oh, how horrible. No wonder he's upset. Now i get it." But as the talk continued, this empty feeling in the pit of my stomach appeared. Suddenly I began to feel miserable. I began to feel embarrassed. I began to feel guilty. The voice in my soul urged me, "Speak up now. Speak up now." The voice was so strong. I opened my mouth...

..and then closed it again. I let them talk. I kept listening. I felt defeated, but I still didn't speak up. Finally someone else asked what they were talking about. My guy friend said, "Oh, just gossiping." My voice came out weak as I said, "Which we should probably stop." My friend and the other girl agreed, but by then, it was too late. I'd pretty much heard the entire story. I wish so bad that I would've spoken up. I remember glancing at my guy friend, the topic of the gossip, as secrets were being spilled about him. He was still looking away. Now I can only imagine how he would've felt if he'd heard everything that was said about him behind his back - and how I, his friend, did not speak up for him.

Since that moment, I have prayed for God's forgiveness and for His help to stand up next time. I know that I have no problem with spreading gossip, but I have a horrible addiction to listening to it. It's wrong. It's just as bad an addiction as alcohol or drugs - only with alcohol and drugs, you're mostly destroying yourself. With gossip, you're mostly destroying other people. You're using words that they didn't give you permission to use about them. You're taking their secrets and "confiding" in other people just to show what you know. There's a Proverb that goes, "A gossip separates close friends." That goes for both the spreader and the listener. If you do not stand up for your friend while they are being gossiped about, what kind of friend are you? You're just as much a backstabber as the spreader.

Dear Lord, may the guilt I felt on Sunday always be a reminder to not associate with gossip. I will never forget how guilty and how terrible I felt after listening to all of that, and I know that the Holy Spirit was working in me that day. Please let me stand up for my friends and put a stop to gossip before it reaches my ears. Let me not listen to anything I should not be listening to. Help me to be trustworthy. Help me to be the greatest friend I can be. Help me not to engage in gossip.

Amen.