The Arnold Schwartzeneggar in my life

I apologize if I spelled that wrong. Please let me know. It irks me if I spell things wrong. It's sort of a curse and a blessing at the same time...in any regard, it's the reason I can spell the longest word in the dictionary (and it's not Schwartzeneggar).

Anyhow, what's Arnie most famous for saying? Besides, "I'm going to be the goveenor of Cahleeforneea." Of course, his popular line in the Terminator: "I'll be back."

Got something in your life like that? Something that might go away for a little bit, but always says "I'll be back"? Perhaps it's a small nuisance, or maybe a bigger problem. Whatever your Arnie is, I know what mine is: TMJ. In case you don't know what that stands for, it's Temporomandibular Joint Disorder. Means one or both of your jaw joints are disfigured or malformed (I'm not sure if "malformed" is a word, but I'm making it one). Some symptoms are a stiff jaw that cracks and pops when you open it and headaches around your jaw and your forehead. It's not a very uncommon diagnosis. I know several people who have it as well as me.

Of course, I didn't know that's what I had 2 years ago. In fact, I've only really known about my TMJ for about 6 months now. Back in April of 2006, when I was 13 years old, one day I got a nagging little headache. I ignored it. It came back the next day...and the next...and the next. I took naproxen for it, but it still wouldn't go away. I told Mom about it, but I didn't act like it was a big deal. I didn't think it was. After a month, the headaches got even worse. That's when I told Mom, "These headaches are starting to interfere with my life. I'm starting to not enjoy things I used to enjoy cuz I just can't concentrate with these headaches." So she scheduled a doctor's appointment.

First thing that leaves the doctor's mouth: "migraines." Because that's what all teenager's headaches are. Teenager + headache = migraine. They could have a brain tumor and they'll still be diagnosed with migraines. So the doctor sent me home with medication and told me to see him in a month. So I went home, took the medication, but all it did was turn me into a zombie (I have never felt so out of it and yet awake at the same time). I looked for other things that might be causing my headaches, like maybe food allergies or something. Found nothing.

So I went back a month later. The doctor scheduled an MRI. Thought nothing would be there. Alas, that was not to be. *sigh*. They found a few tiny abnormal spots on my brain. Immediately sensing there was actually a problem that prescription medication might not help, the doctor sent me to another doctor, who immediately told me, "You probably have migraines" and sent me home with medication.

This started a lonnnnng journey. I visited 4 doctors, took over 25 different medications, had I think 3 MRI's (I kinda lost track), 1 CT scan, an EEG (EEG is brain and EKG is heart, right? I've had both, but I forget which one's which), and more blood tests than I can count. Seeing as my biggest fear is needles particularly when used for blood tests, it was not a fun time. And all the while, my headaches raged on, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. There was never a time when they weren't there. Sometimes they hurt so bad that I couldn't do anything but lay down, hold my head, and cry. Most of the time, although on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the highest) they were an 8 or 9 most of the time, I learned to live with them. I had to. How else was I supposed to go about life?

I kept a smile on my face (all the doctors I went to commented, "you sure have a nice smile for someone going through what you're going through"). I stayed strong. I wrote several songs during this time. I knew God would take away the headaches soon - He'd told me so about 5 months in (I wrote a song about that). I just didn't know how soon. I trusted He'd do so in His time. And He did - after a year and a half of every-minute-of-everyday headaches, he revealed to me - through the Internet, not doctors - that I had TMJ. My dentist confirmed it.

So I had to do jaw exercises and wear a nightguard at night to keep from clenching my jaw (turns out I have TMJ cuz I clench my jaw whenever I'm angry, stressed, upset, or just concentrating hard), and after about three months my headaches were completely gone. I was ecstatic. Of course, whenever I did an algebra test or something else that stressed me out, the headaches would make their appearance, but they'd disappear. It felt great. No headaches. No living in constant pain.

Now, going back to Arnie's line. "I'll be back." You got it. For the past week or so, the headaches have been there again. And my left jaw joint (the malformed one) is hurting like crazy and popping and everything. I'd laid off the jaw exercises and mouthguard, so I'm getting into them again, but I don't think I've been particularly stressed or anything. So...it's back. But it's not like I haven't been through it before. God will just give me the strength to go through it again, however long it lasts. Only this time I know what the diagnosis is, so I probably don't have to see any doctors.

Anyway. That's my Arnie. What's yours?