June 27th, 2008 - Day 7

1:17pm.
I wasn't able to write yesterday. Way too busy and, during the night when I usually write, I was pouring out my heart to Deb. I had some heavy issues to deal with.
Anyway, yesterday wasn't much different than usual days. Like everyday except Monday, I made the lunches. For some reason, making sandwiches is just something I really enjoy. I'm always eager to be on the lunch team. I always work with Cameron. He enjoys making lunch too. I'm sort of considered the "leader" of the lunch crew, even over Cameron. I help make sandwiches, but mostly I give instructions, position who does what, label bags, whatnot. I usually help make the meat sandwiches, Cameron is almost always in charge of PB&J. It's funny whenever Garrett or Neil (they're brothers) volunteer to help...they never have any idea what to do ("So you mean I just...spread peanut butter on bread?")
Anyway. I don't know if I can remember everything I helped with yesterday, besides water and pool games.
Last night I had a good cry. I was actually struggling to fight back tears during group devos. Honestly, I've been hearing God speak to me about being confident in Him and I have seen His great works and have no doubt He is working through our team. Still, I felt like I wasn't really helping or making a difference in anything. Like, I couldn't teach Bible like Clayton could and I'm not good with kids like so many other people on the team are. Like, I can't start and hold a conversation with a stranger, even a kid. If they start the convo and want to say something, I can talk to them as naturally as ever. If I get to know them, it's not hard at all. But I don't really personally know any of the kids, so it's really difficult to talk to them. Whenever PJ tells us to "mingle with the kids," I'm absolutely terrible at it. So I didn't feel like I was really making an impact cuz it's just awkward. And I had other things I won't mention on my mind, so I spilled it to Deb. She's one of the very, very, very few people I trust almost completely. She knew what to say, embraced me, comforted and encouraged me. It was amazing. I feel so much better today.
Tonight is the overnighter, where a little more than half the kids are staying at camp overnight. It's gonna be wild!

10:50pm
I'm outside sitting by the campfire, writing by Neil's flashlight (mine died). It's amazing.
We had a tiki-tiki theme for our overnighter. The kids wanted to get onto an island (which PJ was the chief), so they hda to get certain face-paint stripes by different "animals" (basically by doing a bunch of obstacle courses). I worked with Cameron. Remember when he was the rare tropical bird in the skit? They assigned him to be the Cookoomongoo bird again. I had to tell the kids to sneak and be quiet so we could get a closeup picture of the bird, but he would run away all the time. The kids really got into it, and Cameron was grinning the whole time.
It was fun. I had fire-roasted hot dogs and Smores. I am going to be sleeping underneath the stars tonight. I have thoroughly doused myself with bug spray, so I should be good.
The girls really surprised me today. The boys, eh, they could care less, but earlier I was passing by the group of younger girls to go get my lunch and one suddenly piped up, "Hi, Rachel!" I was surprised she even knew my name, and was blown away when a whole chorus of other girls chimed, "Hi, Rachel!" Throughout the day, nearly all the girls talked with me and we played together and everything. It was an answer to prayer. I thought I made no difference. Obviously I did. One girl, Kristen, who I think comes from Equador or something, sat by me when we sang songs around the campfire. She kept singing, "I miss you so much, Daddy." Then her voice sounded choked and she clung onto me and said, "I want you to sleep beside me, but you can't cuz I'm in a tent and you're outside. I wanna go home." I hugged her and rubbed her back and whispered, "You'll be okay, sweetie. You'll have fun. I'll be here in the morning." Then she told me she hadn't seen her father since she was a baby and the whole country was looking for him (a criminal?). She looked up, pointed out a star, and said, "That's my sister's star. I have good memories of her. She died. So I think about my mom mostly. She's not dead yet, but she's really sick." I just kept hugging her. She was really comforted and right now she's sleeping.
So yeah.
Btw, concern. I have a rash. I got it this afternoon and I don't know how. There seems to be no logical explanation for it. It developed all over my arms within minutes. It's red, lumpy, and it itches and burns at the same time. Funny thing is, it stops at my shirtsleeves, so it's like my arms were emerged or exposed to something but my shirt protected me.
It's not poison ivy because I never set food in the forest or anywhere near it this week. It's not the sun cuz I've never had a reaction before, and I wore sunscreen anyway. It's not the sunscreen cuz I never reacted to it before. It's not the pool chlorine (I got the rash shortly after I got out of the pool) cuz I never reacted before, same with the sand and bug spray. It couldn't have been given to me by someone else because then why would it stop at my shirtsleeves? It came about so quickly. And I can't get it checked out by a doctor cuz I have no insurance.
I'm just praying it'll go away by morning.