The Green Eyed Monster

One of the things my mother told me when I was a little girl was to "not become the Green Eyed Monster." Pretty much, when you are jealous about something that someone else has, you turn into a monster. Not wanting to turn into a monster, I tried my hardest to be happy with what I had at that young age.

Lord knows the jealousy problem does not go away when you enter your teens. In fact, it increases by a lot. Particularly when you bring the opposite sex into the issue. What do all the teen magazines say you should do with an ex? Make them jealous.

So far I have been fortunately spared too much guy issues (I have had them, but not to the extent some of my friends have). However, I am going to reveal the dirty truth that, yes, I am a jealous person.

It's one of my pitfalls. Nobody can ever tell that I'm jealous, but ooh, if you saw the inside, my longings are incredible. I have a nasty habit of comparing myself to others. "Man, I wish I were as thin as her" or "Why can't my hair do that?" or "How come they get all that stuff just by asking and I have to work for mine?" I never pay attention to the fact that my body's in very good shape, I can do a lot of styles with my hair, and the stuff that I buy with my own hard-earned money comes with a certain satisfaction. I just get jealous that I'm not that thin or my hair's not that straight.

Another thing I get almost bitter about sometimes is the fact that other families do extraordinary things that they take for granted, that my family simply cannot afford. I was looking through Brio And Beyond, my favorite magazine, and noticed an offer for a mother-daughter cruise to Mexico. Looked amazing. I looked it up online, and it would be about $1,200 for the both of us. That did not include air fair. I read deeper into the magazine and read dozens of testimonials from the past mother-daughter cruise about how amazing it was and how it changed their lives and restored relationships and all this and all that.
My first thought? They should be thanking God they have enough spare money to go on a cruise.
What also surprised me was, when I was looking up ticket prices for the cruise, I noticed that the most expensive arrangements - $3,000 per person - were sold out. That annoyed me. These people can just fish $6,000 out of their purse for a cruise while we have to super-price just to get my piano tuned?

I decided not to think about it. I had to accept that my family could not just go on a cruise when we felt like it.

Nor can we do other extraordinary things other teens just take for granted, things that would be an absolute dream-come-true for me. I saw an ad on the side of my MySpace page for a music camp called Powerchord Academy. Curious, I looked it up. Everything I've dreamed about doing with my music, I could do at that camp. Play in a band with my specialty instrument (lead vocals). Learn how to write songs better. Meet professional musicians. Record a professional album. Even have it submitted to a major record company on the off-chance that they accept us. All this and tons more. My heart was flipping in my chest. I examined the cost.
$1,200 per session. And they said if you were a serious musician, they suggest you say for 4 sessions.
Who can afford this? I wonder. Obviously hundreds and hundreds of teens around the country - even from around the world - can. I didn't even bother to read the testimonials. It could disappoint me even more.

Even seeing what my friends get for birthday/Christmas gifts sets off my Jealous-ometer. I look at one of the most advanced cell phones one of my friends has. I ask, "How much did it cost?" "Dunno, got it for my birthday." "Wow, that's a cool iHome. How much was it?" "Dunno, got it for Christmas." "Is that an iPod classic? How much do those cost again?" "Dunno, my grandma got it for me for Easter."

My family just cannot afford these things. And it really irritates me sometimes.
Which is why, one day when I was reading Proverbs, two verses smacked me right in the face. One is from Proverbs 27: 20 - "Death and destruction are never satisfied, and neither are the eyes of a man." So, even if I had everything, I would still not be satisfied, because someone else would have something better that I wish I had. I will always want more. It will never cease.

The other is Proverbs 27:4 - "Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?"
I don't like anger. I can definitely attest that anger is cruel and fury is overwhelming. And I know people that seem to always be angry or furious. But what really hit me was the last part: "But who can stand before jealousy?" So jealousy is even worse than anger? Jealousy must be really bad then.

Those two verses have really helped me be content with what I've got. I may never be able to dig out $1,000 for a specific event. In fact, I might not be able to get out even $2o0 for one. But I rely on God to help me not to be jealous about it. Who I am in Christ is better than any worldly possession.